Survivalist Tip: If you live near the ocean, buy a large boat. Not a raft, a canoe, or one of those inflatable things – an actual boat! Predictions are that, with the onslaught of the apocalypse, the seas will rise dramatically and inundate coastal areas; thus a boat will come in handy. If your neighbors laugh at you, just remind them that people laughed at Noah. If they don’t believe in the story of Noah, mention global warming. If they don’t believe in global warming, it’s probably best if they drown. They’ll just take up too much room on your boat anyway.
Chief Writing Wolf 