In my 40-plus years of watching, studying and laughing at American politics, I have NEVER seen the country as divided as it is now. I thought things were bad in the 1990s, when conservatives tried everything they could to bounce Bill Clinton out of office – and only succeeded in proving he has a female fetish (like most straight men do), while making themselves look like incompetent assholes.
Then came these last two decades, and the country became even more divided; first under George W. Bush (the poster child for closet alcoholics) and then under Barack Obama (the poster child for grace under extreme pressure and stupidity; the latter two courtesy of the even more assholish conservatives, if that’s actually possible).
But now, with Donald J. Trump in the White House (and his third wife several miles away in her gilded penthouse loft), I’ve been surprised. Again! The U.S. even more divided than Neapolitan ice cream. If it gets any more divided, opposing sides will fall off into the oceans; thus making global warming look like a bad day at the beach. Then again, if the extremists do fall off into the ocean, that wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing.
Still, amidst the dim-bulb antics of the current presidential administration, I’ve actually found some bright moments. Yes, even with a psychologically unstable, orange-tinted, womanizing twit-master like Trump occupying the highest office in the land, there are a few positives. It’s proof that, indeed, you can make wine from prunes!
- People realize the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution is just as important as the Second.
- They’ve learned the names of their local congressional representatives.
- Voting (or not) really does matter.
- Two centuries of civil and human rights progress aren’t 100% safe and untouchable.
- Not everything on Facebook or Wikipedia is true.
- Hispanics aren’t “recent immigrants.” We’ve been here longer than the Trump family.
- Neanderthals didn’t die off; they became Republicans.
- The term “alternative facts” makes less sense than “compassionate conservative.”
- The nation’s infrastructure, like dams and highways, is under greater threat than gun rights.
- The inexpensive (meaning, cheap) food we buy at Wal-Mart doesn’t grow or pick itself.
- Decisions by the U.S. Supreme Court actually do impact our lives.
- Women’s bodies aren’t “hosts.”
- Not all White males are evil.
- The British really can get pissed off.
- The Cold War didn’t end with the collapse of the Soviet Union; it moved into cyberspace.
- Reality TV is dangerous.
- Neo-Nazis remain a threat.
- Politicians who have nothing more important to do than regulate public bathrooms need to be voted out of office.
- People without English surnames often speak better English than people with English surnames.
- Building a wall along the U.S.-México border will put a lot of Mexican immigrants to work.
- Republican politicians have no qualms about eliminating healthcare for poor, sick people; while enjoying their own taxpayer-funded health insurance.
- Coal mining is as obsolete as it is dangerous and dirty.
- We need more female politicians.
- Native Americans have put up with enough shit from the U.S. government.
- The Kardashians aren’t (and never have been) relevant to anything.
- President Obama was too nice to his critics, but I still feel he should have been able to run for a third term. You know…just to piss off the Republicans.
- American was great long before Trump ran for office.
- How soon before we can fly to Mars?
Image: Gary Larson
Chief Writing Wolf 