“Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.”
Gary Allan
“I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.”
Maya Angelou
“In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it ‘Christmas’ and went to church; the Jews called it ‘Hanukkah‘ and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say ‘Merry Christmas!’ or ‘Happy Hanukkah!’ or (to the atheists) ‘Look out for the wall!’”
Dave Barry
“It’s always consoling to know that today’s Christmas gifts are tomorrow’s garage sales.”
Milton Berle
“Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.”
Andy Borowitz
“The main reason Santa is so jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.”
George Carlin
“Christmas, here again. Let us raise a loving cup; Peace on Earth, goodwill to men, and make them do the washing up.”
Wendy Cope
“Thank you, Stockings, for being a long flammable piece of fabric people like to hang over a roaring fireplace.”
Jimmy Fallon
“A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.”
Garrison Keillor
“There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.”
Bob Philips
Chief Writing Wolf 