Be careful what you say. And write. And post in an advertisement. In trying to keep Americans’ spirits energized for the upcoming holidays, the Giant Foods grocery chain created this jewel for its food platter offerings – without fact-checking the verbiage. In the midst of a lethal pandemic the last thing anyone desires is a “super-spreader” event. I mean, we already have one in the White House.
Giant Foods apologized for the ad and promptly pulled it. I have to admit all that cheese, shrimp and wine looks delectable! Just don’t breathe on it!
Some gifts are best presented as is. With a verbally-challenged President like Donald Trump, those gifts can be unexpected. At least that’s what the National Museum of American Jewish History has realized, following yet another gaff by our faux Commander-in-Chief. In a speech about the beauty of America’s national parks, Trump had trouble pronouncing the Yosemite in Yosemite National Park; a 1200 sqm. (310,798 h) gem in California, perhaps most famous for its astounding giant sequoia trees.
In response, the NMAJ has produced a tee shirt to honor the moment and has already sold 1,500. Amidst the humor, there is irony. Untold numbers of die-hard Trump supporters with White supremacist leanings will undoubtedly be horrified to learn their man has created profits for a Jewish institution.
With age often comes wisdom; sometimes strangeness. With the indefatigable Pat Robertson… well, who knows what the hell the old bastard is going to say! In a recent radio interview with conservative commentator Sean Hannity, Robertson declared that marijuana and cocaine are essentially – vegetables! Yes, the verbose curmudgeon who once said America was going to Hell because of feminists and queers stated:
“All this drug addiction, can you imagine somebody made in the image of God is a slave to a bunch of weeds? I mean, you know, they’re plants and vegetables. Cocaine, marijuana, all these things are vegetables, and we’re supposed to be in charge. He said I’m going to give you dominion over the whole Earth, and yet we’re slaves to vegetables. I mean, this is so humiliating.”
If one contemplates – before using any intoxicants – marijuana and cocaine are, indeed, the products of plants. Humans have been using them for thousands of years. Long before monolithic pharmaceutical companies hijacked health care, old people in huts would dispense Earth’s natural remedies with love and prayer. No child-resistant caps! No tamper-proof packaging! And no warnings about addiction!
But I also cogitate that, if ketchup, marijuana and cocaine are technically vegetables because they’re plant-based, then so are vodka and wine. They’re grain- and grape-based, respectably, so my reasoning is valid. Damn! I’ve been a vegetarian since age 14 and never knew it until now!
If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, does that include vocal parodies? Sarah Cooper certainly thinks so. The writer, comic and formal Google associate has created a series of brief videos in which she lip syncs to actual recordings of Donald Trump opining on a variety of subjects. While the verbiage alone is confounding enough, Cooper’s facial expressions are hysterically priceless!
The oceans and seas remain one of the most mysterious realms on Earth. We still know more about the surface of our moon – and perhaps the surface of Mars – than what all lies beneath the world’s deepest waters.
Recently Australian photographer Kristian Laine took pictures of a truly remarkable submarine creature: the world’s only documented pink manta ray. Spanning about 11 feet and nicknamed Inspector Clouseau, after The Pink Panther, the animal lives near Lady Elliot Island, which is part of the Great Barrier Reef.
“I had no idea there were pink mantas in the world, so I was confused and thought my strobes were broken or doing something weird,” Laine told National Geographic.
Project Manta, established to study and preserve the creatures within Australian waters, discovered Clouseau in 2015. Organization officials were able to conduct a skin biopsy on the animal and determine its unique coloration is not due to disease or its diet; rather, it’s the result of a genetic mutation called erythrism, which causes reddening in melanin expressions. Most manta rays are black, white, or a combination of the two.
This is individual, however, is unbelievably astounding and proves just how fascinating our own planet really is!
As if the Kennedy assassination and the TV show “Dallas” didn’t give Texas’ second-largest city a bad reputation, we now have this beauty: the quaintly-named “Leaning Tower of Dallas” – what’s left of an 11-story building scheduled for complete demolition on February 16. Most everyone loves a good carefully-planned building collapse, and people who dismiss a new library dedication as boring will rise at the butt-crack of dawn to see a large structure – any large structure – disintegrated. And, on this Sunday morning, all initially proceeded as planned. The explosives detonated, the ground trembled, and the building began to crumble. But, as the dust cleared, everyone realized something was amiss: the building’s core – which contains the elevator shafts and stairwells – remained standing. Nearly two weeks later, it’s still standing. The debacle has been pure porn for social media mavens; Twitter and Instagram overrun with bad puns and cheeky comments.
It begs for the optimist – pessimist debate: an edifice strongly and securely built, or what happens when a city awards a contract to the lowest bidder.
I’ve come to view this fiasco as indicative of my life. I’ve been pounded and beaten, but while I seem to have collapsed from all the trauma, my inner core remains intact – albeit slightly atilt.
‘Contraband include items marked ‘Bag Full of Drugs’.’
‘Donald Trump admits he’s not qualified to be president.’
Guess which one of these is real.
I almost know what you’re thinking: it’s the pigs, right?
Law enforcement officials have one of the toughest jobs in the world – especially in the U.S. and especially in Florida. (Florida has become legendary for its plethora of criminal oddities.) But a routine traffic stop on February 1 turned into an unexpected bonanza, when a police dog alerted his handler to the possible presence of drugs in the car. A quick search yielded – hold your breath – 2 small bags marked…‘Bag Full of Drugs’.
If I had read this online, I would have checked the source more than a few times. But it’s for real. Inside the bags, police found 75 grams (2.6 ounces) of methamphetamine, more than a kilogram (2.2 pounds) of the date-rape drug GHB, 3.6 grams (0.12 ounces) of fentanyl, plus ecstasy, cocaine and assorted paraphernalia.
The Drug Enforcement Agency could only have dreamed of this good fortune with “El Chapo” Guzman!
And I wish I was making this up because it would prove just how twisted The Chief’s mentality can be on the day before the Saturday after Valentine’s Day! As if you, dear readers, need anymore proof!
The moral of the story? Hell if I know! That’s why I’m telling this story to you people!