We all know chocolate isn’t just perfect for the proverbial sweet tooth; it also facilitates serotonin production. Cacao beans are native to the Americas, and the ancient Maya considered them sacred. So much they even used chocolate enemas. Yes, that seems strange, but think about it. Mayans developed the only known writing system in the Western Hemisphere; built massive structures without the use of draft animals or the wheel; and were the first known society to use 0 as a place number.
So, next time you feel life is spinning out of control and you’re losing a grip on reality, just ram a chocolate bar up your ass and you’ll be good to go!
Chocolate lovers can rejoice in their near-vindication. A study conducted by the Department of Medicine at the University of California, San Diego, alleges that adults who eat chocolate on a regular basis are actually thinner than those who don’t! Again, this is nothing concrete, but the results dare to suggest that “regular chocolate consumption might be calorie-neutral.” In other words, it won’t make you the fat-ass that those bitches who founded Jenny Craig say it will. Scientists already proved that chocolate has some health benefits, mainly because it contains flavonoids, which act as antioxidants. They, in turn, help prevent damage to various parts of the body. I’m sure further research will be warranted, especially from the likes of Richard Simmons. In the meantime, chocolatiers will most certainly have to prepare for a rush on orders. I mean, why wait for a special occasion?! This news is special enough!