“The writing is — I’m free from pain. It’s where nobody tells me what to do; it’s where my imagination is fecund and I am really at my best. Nothing matters more in the world or in my body or anywhere when I’m writing.”
Tag Archives: literature
“You never really stop loving someone.”
“Just grass,” Juan Miguel mumbled. Just flowers. What kind of flowers?
Yes – lilacs. I don’t know much about flowers. Lilacs, orchids… He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. Love that scent – fresh grass – lilacs – her. Her scent, her soft skin. He opened his eyes, as sunlight spilled through a gap in the ceiling and bounced off her auburn hair.
“Ay, que simpatico,” she crooned, as if seeing him for the first time.
He grinned modestly, realizing how he must look: half naked and sweaty with matted hair. “Gracias,” he finally chirped, feeling like an awkward teenager – again.
“Es verdad.” (It’s true.)
He didn’t know what to say. How did she manage to do this to him? Her dark green eyes still bore that strong sense of love and admiration – and hurt. Why? Why do you look so sad? What hurts so much?
The print version of my debut novel, “The Silent Fountain”, is now available. The e-version has been out since December 21, 2018. Today, January 14, 2019, also happens to be my father’s 86th birthday. That wasn’t by design, but I also don’t believe it’s purely coincidental either.
As always, thanks for your continued support, my good followers!
“A kind heart is a fountain of gladness, making everything in its vicinity freshen into smiles.”
– Washington Irving (1783-1859)
Image by J.L.A. De La Garza
“You never really stop loving someone.”
The hours moved quickly: midnight, one o’clock, two o’clock… Why can’t I sleep? He flipped the pillow again, sighing heavily, and closed his eyes, determined to keep them that way.
Then David’s smiling face sprinted through his mind. “Oh, God!” he hollered, more out of irritation than sadness, his hands slamming onto his forehead. “Not now! I’m too tired!” His arms flopped down on either side of him. “I’m just too damn tired.”
David’s quirky grin disappeared, but the same guilty sensation settled back into him. He sat up, face buried in his hands. “It’s not fair,” he whispered. “It’s just not right. Why, God? Why David? Why’d you do that to him? I’ve asked you again and again, and you still won’t tell me.”
“You shouldn’t be afraid of death,” Juan Miguel’s paternal grandfather once told him and his brothers. The old man actually admired death. “It doesn’t discriminate. It takes whomever it wants: young, old, anyone.”
But as Juan Miguel now let his body convulse in quiet sobs, he had to disagree; it does discriminate. It takes the young, when it should take the old. It takes the good, when it should take the bad.
The e-book version of my debut novel, “The Silent Fountain”, is now available. And what better Christmas present than a story of someone in a gigantic old house filled with colorful characters and strange sounds?! Aside from me in a Speedo with a bottle of wine…no, wait! That was in another life. Never mind! I told you people when I started this blog nearly 7 years ago I was weird! Like you needed more proof, right? Anyway, thanks for your love and adoration, my good followers!
“Our goals can only be reached through a vehicle of a plan, in which we must fervently believe, and upon which we must vigorously act. There is no other route to success.”
Image by J.L.A. De La Garza
The Chief is happy to announce the upcoming publication of my first completed novel, “The Silent Fountain”, courtesy of Book Baby – an independent firm based in Pennsauken, New Jersey. It will be available in both print and electronic versions by mid-December 2018. Once I confirm the actual publication date, I will issue another formal announcement.
To family and friends who have known of my literary dreams for decades and heard me speak of this for so long (too long actually), yes finally, it is now becoming a reality! Following what seems like a lifetime of promises, it IS happening. Now, aren’t you glad you waited!
After some two decades of writing and rewriting; plotting and planning; submitting and getting rejected; hoping and praying; and slaving over hot pencils and hotter keyboards, it is all coming to fruition. It took a while (to put it mildly), but I have kept my promise to all of you.
“The Silent Fountain” is best classified as a paranormal romance – emphasis on paranormal. I don’t do romance very well – either in literature or real life. I came up with the story idea around 1996 and first submitted it to a traditional publisher in 2001. The publisher, a university-based imprint that shall go unnamed, specializes in fiction and non-fiction from both published and unpublished writers of Hispanic heritage, with a focus on all things Hispanic or Latino. The company stated in their mission that they strive to combat stereotypes about Latinos and to give a voice to a group that has otherwise been ignored by the mainstream press and the literary world.
I felt “The Silent Fountain” met that criteria. As my blog followers should know by now, I am definitely of Hispanic heritage. I’ve been fighting stereotypes about Latinos my entire life. Most of the characters in “The Silent Fountain” are Hispanic; yet don’t fit the Hollywood mold of how we behave and what we look like. They’re not gang-bangers or low-riders; they’re not violent, alcoholic, dim-witted and sexually-obsessed cretins; and they’re not illiterate fools who snuck across the U.S. border in the middle of the night with a handful of clothes stuffed into plastic bags.
The people in my novel are educated, smart and possess the amazing ability to speak perfect English. Most are native-born Texans who own and operate a real estate conglomerate; live in a large, century-old, well-appointed home; listen to classical music; and wear nice clothes. They are much like my own relatives and other Latinos I’ve known and worked with over the nearly six decades of my life on Earth.
But that university turned it down, giving me the most classic of all literary rejections: it didn’t meet “their needs at this time.” I got the same response from the seven other publishing houses where I submitted the novel. One editor actually returned the manuscript with a note declaring the “characters are too implausible” because of their wealth and Hispanic ethnicity. “The average reader won’t believe that,” they told me. I replied with a letter to that editor (which I know sounds childish and unprofessional) telling them I write for smart people anyway. They didn’t reply.
After taking a closer look at the type of books and essays the university imprint publishes and distributes, I realized why they turned me down. I’m not some pathetic wetback who made their way to the U.S. via a harrowing journey across vast expanses of deserts and mountains atop an aging train; thus, neither are my characters. I don’t know many people like that anyway. I’ve spent my life avoiding people who are illiterate and don’t care about the sanctity of U.S. law. My book also isn’t a saccharine-laced tale told in a first-person narrative by a young child who grew up in huts with no shoes and little schooling; yet still has the ability to comprehend everything that’s going on around them and are subsequently able to offer their elders sensible explanations on how to deal with critical issues. This is not a children’s picture book with verbiage sweet enough to give you cavities. In fact, there are no children in my novel. Moreover, it’s a paranormal romance with some sexual activity and foul language. So, while they look for Hispanic-oriented literary works by Hispanic authors that defy mainstream stereotypes, I feel they essentially created a stereotypical classification for themselves. And, as usual, I didn’t fit into it. But that’s okay. People have always tried to place me in a box to make themselves comfortable with who they think I am or should be and ended up failing. Such as happened in this case.
Upon starting this blog in 2012, I had to sit back and reconsider where I wanted my writing ventures to go. Did I want to attempt the traditional route again? Go through the same decades-old procedures for contacting a publishing house? Between 2001 and 2012, it seemed the list of book publishers had dwindled. Publishing has fallen victim to the same corporate evil as banks did in the 1990s and IT firms did in the last decade: mergers and acquisitions.
By 2012, however, self-publishing had become a more popular route for average writers. In fact, self-publishing has come a long way from the vanity press market several years ago; the last resort road for luckless writers. Growth of that beloved monstrosity known as the Internet gave storytellers a more direct path to seeing their words in print. And thus, I made my decision. And here I am.
Below is a synopsis of the novel, which is the verbiage that will appear on the back cover.
Juan Miguel de la Montana lives a quiet life as a single man, spending his personal time reading, exercising, listening to music and drinking white wine. But his carefully-structured routine is interrupted when he learns of the death of an old college friend. He attends the funeral and planned to return home quickly. He didn’t expect to encounter another college friend at the grave site, much less strike up a conversation and then meet him for dinner. He certainly didn’t expect the man to invite him to a nearby ranch estate where he’s vacationing with friends, much less accept the offer.
Yet, once there, Juan Miguel feels pleasantly overwhelmed – and begins to enjoy the company of the estate’s owners, the Santiago family, and their colorful friends. Black orchids, a blue-eyed cat, lilac perfume and a long-dormant water fountain slip into his subconscious and initially mean nothing to him. But, just as Juan Miguel falls in love with his new friends and the ranch’s bucolic surroundings, he’s unprepared to fall in love with Esperanza, a Santiago relative.
And, it doesn’t seem to matter that she died sixty years ago.
I’m dedicating this book to my parents, George and Guadalupe De La Garza, who tolerated more from me than most reasonable people would have. My father especially helped me with the Spanish translations; we’d spend an hour or more on the phone. My biggest regret is that I didn’t make a more concerted effort to get this thing published before he died in 2016. And my mother’s mental health has deteriorated to the point where she probably doesn’t remember me talking about it much.
So, if there’s one piece of advice I can give to anyone, it’s NEVER put off what you can do as soon as possible. I always said that life got in the way. But I finally realized life wasn’t getting in the way. I was letting it get in the way. My writing and my dreams have always been a part of my persona. But I kept putting them on hold to take care of other stuff. Don’t do that! Your best dreams can never die, but the people you love the most eventually do.
Image by J.L.A. De La Garza
Many social movements begin with the simplest of acts. In the fall of 1975, a group of parents called Parents of New York United complained to a local school board that school policies on library books were too “permissive.” Among the offensive tomes were Kurt Vonnegut’s “Slaughterhouse Five” and Langston Hughes’ “Best Short Stories by Negro Writers,” which, the parents moaned, were “anti-American, anti-Christian, anti-Semitic and just plain filthy.” In response, the school district removed the books in February of 1976. But a senior high school student, Steven Pico, and four classmates challenged the board’s decision; claiming the books were removed simply because “passages in the books offended [the group’s] social, political, and moral tastes and not because the books, taken as a whole, were lacking in educational value.” Other libraries and free speech organizations filed briefs on the students’ behalf, and the case went to the U.S. Supreme Court in 1982 as Island Trees School District v. Pico.
While many parents surely were upset that a group of high school kids had the audacity to circumvent their authority, the more significant issue was the school board’s actions. And, on a grander scale, who has the right to determine what is acceptable and unacceptable?
As the late Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart once declared, “I shall not today attempt further to define the kinds of material I understand to be embraced within that shorthand description; and perhaps I could never succeed in intelligibly doing so. But I know it when I see it, and the motion picture involved in this case is not that.”
Shortly after the SCOTUS reversal of the aforementioned school board’s decision, “Banned Books Week” was founded. Since then it has grown into an international event with the goal of ensuring that true freedom begins with our ability and the right to read and see pretty much whatever we want. There’s a reason, after all, why the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution is first.
Like any legitimate scribe, I strongly support the right to free speech and free expression. We in these democratic societies don’t often appreciate the importance of it. But speak with anyone who grew up in a totalitarian state – where people are told what to read and how to think – and you’ll realize the value of it.
Sadly this battle will never be won. We will ALWAYS have to combat those who feel that, since they’re offended by something, no else should have access to it either. In the current chaos of extreme political correctness and assaults on the media by a deranged American president, none of us should have to tolerate the narrow-minded choices of others.
Keep writing and keep fighting!
Banned Books Week runs this year from September 23 – 29.
A is for adamant. I have a certain view of how my life should function and I refuse to relinquish it. It’s how I’ve survived all these years without going crazy and killing myself. I don’t impose my ideals on others, though. I’ve had that done to me and sometimes I’d obey; thinking if I did what others thought I should do, they’d like me. It never worked! So I stopped doing that shit. Other people’s rules don’t apply to me.
B is for barrier. I’ve placed too many barriers in front of me; impediments of my own making; excuses to prevent me from taking unnecessary risks and possibly hurting myself. I’ve told myself I can’t do X because of Y. Or worst, because someone else told me I can’t or shouldn’t do it. So, I’ve finally learned to knock down those barriers.
C is for curious. I’ve always been curious about the world around me, even if I feared it most of the time. I’ve wondered why hurricanes form and why dogs move in circles several times before laying down. I wonder why most people are assholes and refuse to get along, when the alternative is constant yelling and fighting. When I get curious about human nature, I become frustrated. So, I start thinking about dogs and hurricanes. At least they have a reason for being the way they are.
D is for depression. It’s one of the ugliest words in the English language. It’s been a constant, demonic companion in my life. It’s robbed me of life’s simple pleasures more times than I can count. It’s held me back from taking the chances I needed to move forward. It’s kept me in bed or drunk, when I should be out doing something good for myself. It’s almost killed me – several times. It’s still there; lurking in the back of my psyche like a dormant flu virus. But I finally stood up to it and beat the fucker back down into the gutter where it belongs.
E is for education. I feel this is the single most important factor in any civilized society. Odd, considering I dropped out of college in the late 1980s and didn’t return until almost 20 years later to earn my college degree. But, I did it. And, my education didn’t end when I finished that last class. It continues. I’m still learning. I’ll always keep my mind open to new experiences and different things.
F is for fear. There it is again – fear of the unknown; fear of people; fear of taking chances. Fear has been the other unwanted companion that just won’t leave me alone. It’s taken almost my entire life to learn to smack that thing down into oblivion. Still, on occasion, it extends a grimy finger upwards and points at me. It still tries to intimidate me. But now, it’s all been turned upside down. Fear is scared of me.
G is for glaring. The truth about people and things is often glaringly obvious to me. Why don’t others see the various and sundry colors of the world, instead of just the grays? Some folks look at me like I’m crazy. But I just have my own unique view of my surroundings and the people who occupy it. More importantly, I no longer expect people to think and feel exactly as I do.
H is for health. After seeing an aunt battle with cancer in the late 1980s and a friend ravaged by AIDS just a few years later, my physical and mental health became paramount. Few other things matter as much. For years, however, I had a handle on my physical health. I lifted weights, jogged regularly and did some basic calisthenics almost every weekday morning before heading out to work. It took a while longer, though, to get a grip on my psychological welfare. I know my body will grow tired, as I continue to age. But I refuse to get “old.” That’s more a state of mind.
I is for introvert. It used to upset me so much. I had such a hard time making friends. I just couldn’t get too many people to like me. I felt, for so many years, that I was defective. Something was wrong, I kept telling myself; something wrong with me. But now, I embrace that attribute. It’s me; it’s who I am. I am just quiet and insulated. I’m a reader and a thinker; not a showman. I don’t have to make a spectacle of myself anymore to feel important. That introverted attribute generates a slew of story ideas and compels me to write and to read.
J is for jaded – as in cynical. You get that way after a half century of experiencing life’s bullshit; enduring years of being shoved around because you won’t conform to others’ expectations. I’m jaded as in bitter; bitter that it took me so long to realize I’m important and have much to offer this world. But, at this point in time, that jaded personality has given me a more clear view of life.
K is for kill. If I killed everybody who pissed me off, I’d be the world’s worst serial murderer. Then again, who wouldn’t? Part of being introverted and jaded is that I don’t like people much. I’ve always said the more I get to know people, the more I like my dog. Animals are cool; most people are assholes. But, I couldn’t waste my time killing anyone. I don’t want to spend that much gas money driving out to secluded locations to bury the bodies. I have stories to write!
L is for lost. Growing up so shy and timid I often felt lost in a world of bullies and cool kids. Now, I feel lost in a world of idiots. So I get lost in my world of reading, writing, music and good wine.
M is for meticulous. I’m a very detail-oriented person. Some people like that about me, especially at work; others find it annoying. People don’t have a certain place in society, but objects do.
N is for nearby. I keep the memory of long-gone loved ones close to me. People who helped raise me and had an impact on my life reside in my heart and my soul. I won’t let them drift away. I can’t. I can’t turn my back on them just because they’re no longer physically present on Earth. They’ll be the ones to come get me when my own life expires.
O is for ordinary. As difficult as I am to get to know – this, according to my own parents – I consider myself rather ordinary. I’m not handsome and I don’t have the perfect physique. I certainly no a genius, but I’m intelligent and well-educated. I do consider myself a very good writer, so on that level, I’m somewhat extraordinary. Writing is the one part about me in which I’m 100% confident. Otherwise, I’m an ordinary individual trying to live a relatively ordinary life.
P is for past. I’ve dwelled on it too often. I always wanted to make things better – things that happened a while back and can’t be altered now. I’d spend – waste – so much time thinking about the past. You do that a lot, when you grow up shy. People always seemed to take advantage of me and get the best of my mind and soul. So, even though I finally stopped doing that to myself, I occasionally have trouble breaking free of the past. Pulling my mind away from way back there and keeping it in the here and now.
Q is for quiet. Teachers and other adults always said I was quiet as a child. I’m still somewhat quiet. Now, it depends more on the situation than on my desire to stay out of trouble. If I’m quiet, that usually means I’m listening; sometimes plotting. What’s wrong with that? No one needs to be loud and obnoxious. Those who feel the need to be that way actually need to be smacked. As a writer, I relish the quiet; the solitude; the isolation. I’m quiet because I’m observing the people around me – and trying to figure out how their personas would fit into one of my stories.
R is for rebellious. Yes, I’ve always been quiet. But, I’m also rebellious. Quietly rebellious – as oxymoronic as that sounds. I don’t like to make a scene, unless I become enraged. It always startles the crap out of people when that happens. But I’m generally a silent rebel. My parents wanted me to study computer science, or anything related to computers. I wanted to be a writer. They equated that with being a bum; thus I started studying computer programming in college – just to please them. But my inner self said no; that’s not who you are. You’re a writer. Now, I’m a technical writer by day and a creative writer by night. Ironically, I’ve had to become a computer aficionado to engage in both tasks. Either way I’m still a writer. I rebelled against my parents’ desired plans for my future – quietly.
S is for smart. I’m smarter than I look. I like to read, so I know a lot; a lot of different things. Things like arctic hurricane is the formal name for a blizzard. Things like Polynesians in the South Pacific sometimes have blond hair, not because some European sailor got shipwrecked on an island 300 years ago and then got lonely, but because there’s a genetic trait among them that produces fair-colored locks. I’m smart because I understand human nature, even if I don’t like people that much. I’m smart because I know the environment is worth saving and not from a politically correct standpoint. I’m smart because I’ve been around and listen and observe more than I talk.
T is for tender. I have a good heart – physically and emotionally. My disdain for human beings notwithstanding, I still have compassion for people in general; mainly children and the disabled. I certainly have a tender spot for animals. Yes, that’s kind of odd to hear from someone with a leather fetish and a taste for vodka.
U is for underappreciated. Once more, growing up in a cocoon of timidity, I always felt underappreciated. It also means underpaid, and the two are usually interconnected. Showing someone respect is showing your appreciation for them. For example, I always try to remember people on their birthdays. To hell with Christmas or Valentine’s Day! Those are easy to recall. But, if you really want to show someone you care about them, or at least acknowledge their presence on Earth, wish them a ‘Happy Birthday.’ They’ll appreciate that more than ‘Merry Christmas.’
V is for various. I like a variety of things. My blog, as well as my writings, reflect that. I like different foods, different genres of literature and different styles of music. I have definite opinions on various subjects; some of which seem contradictory. I urge people to vote, for example, but I despise most politicians.
W is for weird. I’m a writer. I’m just weird. They’re symbiotic elements – ying and yang. They just go together. Only other writers will understand. But, whereas I once cringed at the mere hint of being dubbed weird, I now celebrate it. Actually, it’s pretty normal for me. Other people are the ones who think I’m weird. They just don’t understand. And, that’s fine.
X is for X-ray. Sometimes, I’ll expose my true self to people, so they can see who I really am. Those who think I’m weak will see the strength deep inside me. Others who think I’m cold and calculating will see the clown figure that lies beneath the rigid exterior. That’s not a common occurrence, though. I rarely let people get inside me like that.
Y is for yes – as in a restrained yes. I won’t say yes to just anything. I’m too cautious. I’ll say yes to saving an injured animal; yes to good vodka; yes to dancing to my favorite music. I reserve my yeses for the most important elements of life.
Z is for zeal – a zest for reading and writing. Well, I guess that’s two words for this one letter. In case you haven’t figured it out yet, though, my passion for the written word is boundless. We writers have to possess such an innate desire to sit down and drop words onto paper or a computer. It can be exciting and rewarding, but quite often, it’s frustrating and disappointing.