Category Archives: Curiosities

As Advertised

Here’s a quiz about possible news headlines:

‘Pigs fly.’

‘August snowstorm hits the American South.’

‘Contraband include items marked ‘Bag Full of Drugs’.’

‘Donald Trump admits he’s not qualified to be president.’

Guess which one of these is real.

I almost know what you’re thinking: it’s the pigs, right?

Wrong!

Law enforcement officials have one of the toughest jobs in the world – especially in the U.S. and especially in Florida.  (Florida has become legendary for its plethora of criminal oddities.)  But a routine traffic stop on February 1 turned into an unexpected bonanza, when a police dog alerted his handler to the possible presence of drugs in the car.  A quick search yielded – hold your breath – 2 small bags marked…‘Bag Full of Drugs’.

If I had read this online, I would have checked the source more than a few times.  But it’s for real.  Inside the bags, police found 75 grams (2.6 ounces) of methamphetamine, more than a kilogram (2.2 pounds) of the date-rape drug GHB, 3.6 grams (0.12 ounces) of fentanyl, plus ecstasy, cocaine and assorted paraphernalia.

The Drug Enforcement Agency could only have dreamed of this good fortune with “El Chapo” Guzman!

And I wish I was making this up because it would prove just how twisted The Chief’s mentality can be on the day before the Saturday after Valentine’s Day!  As if you, dear readers, need anymore proof!

The moral of the story?  Hell if I know!  That’s why I’m telling this story to you people!

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Bella-Rash

The “actress” formerly known as Belladonna in all her pornographic glory.

When I earned my English degree from Ellis University – then part of the New York Institute of Technology – one issue frequently discussed was the veracity of sources.  In the old days (e.g. before Google), people conducting research on essays and theses had to drag themselves to a notable library and scour catalog files for appropriate resource materials.  Along with physically going to said library, carting armloads of books and binders could be considered a bodybuilding class.

But, at Ellis, one source NOT considered valid is Wikipedia.  It’s one of those ubiquitous Internet sites – kind of like online ads for pillows, vibrating toothbrushes and butt paste.  A number of my fellow writers and bloggers have referenced Wikipedia.  However, in vicariously perusing some Wikipedia entries, I’ve noticed the site itself will note – in vibrant red or blue lettering – that some items need further clarification or verification.  Supposedly Wikipedia is a generic, quick-pick type of site; a place – much like a cafeteria – where people can choose whatever they want to consume.  Therefore, it’s not considered a valid archive of information.

A while back I came across the name of an adult film model who went by the name Belladonna.  Her real name is Michelle Sinclair, and she entered the world of porn in 2000 at the age of 19.  I actually remember seeing her on an ABC News special hosted by Diane Sawyer several years ago.  I found Belladonna interesting because she chose to dye her natural blonde hair black.  In an industry where fair-haired vixens seem to rule, this was somewhat (forgive me) refreshing.

But, in looking her up on – where else? – the Internet, I came across her Wikipedia entry and zeroed in on a peculiar statement: ‘She thought she had contracted herpes in 2002…it was later discovered that it was a skin rash…’.

For some ungodly (read: perverted) reason, I found that unbelievably hysterical!  The flippant nature of that specific verbiage – how it’s worded – jump-started my laugh meter.  If anything, it proved what higher education has already declared: you can’t trust Wikipedia that much.

Now place that “skin rash” statement in the context of other situations:

Is that mole really melanoma?

Naw, it’s just a skin rash.

Did a spider bite you?!

Calm down! It’s just a skin rash.

You still have all those bruises from the pool party?

No, they’re just skin rashes.

That bee sting must have hurt like hell!

Oh no!  It’s just a skin rash.

Are you pregnant?

God no, mother!  I just have a skin rash.

That looks like such an awful sunburn.

Calm down, boss!  It’s just a skin rash.

Please feel free to devise your own predicaments that include a “skin rash”.

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Curses!

Since it’s still Friday, the 13th, here in the U.S., I feel it’s appropriate to present this oddity: the world’s largest Ouija board, which was set up recently in Salem, Massachusetts.

The monstrosity measures 3,168 square feet (294 m) and weighs over 9,000 pounds (4.0823 mt).  Considered the world’s largest Ouija board and known as Ouijazilla, it debuted in October through the Talking Board Historical Society in Salem.  The TBHS is dedicated “to research, preserve, and celebrate the history of talking boards” and the people “behind them”, including those (what I call the fools) who use them.

As someone with personal experience using a Ouija board, I know what the voices say when these objects speak: STAY THE HELL AWAY!

Regardless, the titanic Salem board surely will be a subject of many ethereal conversations.  And I honestly can’t wait until things start moving on their own!

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Paw-licious!

A close friend of mine recently noticed this in the meat section (where else?) of a Dallas grocery store.  I know what you people are thinking.  And I’m as shocked as you are.  Isn’t USD 3.88 a bit pricy for any fowl food?

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Spiced Wrong

Two of my least favorite things: Spam and pumpkin.

This pumpkin spice craze has gone too far and needs to be stopped! I don’t know what fool created pumpkin spice, but they need to be shipped to a small rocky island in the South Atlantic in June with a box of crackers and a jug of tap water and spend the rest of the winter thinking about the culinary Frankenstein they’ve unleashed upon humanity.

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Boatscapes

All aboard!

The threat of climate change – and the forecasted rising sea levels – prompts a variety of responses from people: anger, frustration, denial and new ideas.  The latter is often a matter of subjective interpretation.  Many think of converting human waste to biofuel.  Others, like Wojciech Morsztyn, design new structures to accommodate the changes.

Morsztyn, a creator with Yanko Design, recently unveiled plans for massive house boats called ‘Ocean Communities’ where people could escape, as sea levels increase.  Some coastal and island communities are watching as seawaters encroach more and more upon them.  In the U.S., residents of some coastal small towns are being relocated further inland.  Dykes and levees just aren’t functioning properly in the face of such slow-moving catastrophes.

It’s inevitable, though, that some people will flee to the water itself and relocate their lives to an aquatic existence entombed in a boat.  Ocean Community doesn’t offer a monetary figure for such an abode, but I’m certain those of us in, say, the lower 95% economic range won’t be able to afford one.  That’s inevitable, too.  Most of the aforementioned communities being relocated are of the indigenous persuasion, such as the Alaskan Inuit.

I imagine, however, that the boating life is for those who don’t amass much in the form of material possessions.  I mean, if I was forced onto a luxury barge, would I have enough room for my collection of books, National Geographic magazines and porn DVDs?  Could I even bring my truck?  Yes, it’s getting old like me and this house.  But I’ve kind of endeared myself to the big black bastard.  Okay, that may be a man/Texas thing.  Yet, how much could one bring aboard a house boat to make their life as easy as on land?

More importantly, is this the real solution to dealing with climate change?  Aren’t house boats an admission of defeat?  Regardless, this video may be appealing, but I have to wonder if it’s the right answer to the pending chaos.

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Mad Rudy

Apparently, New York City has lost love for its former mayor, Rudy Giuliani, along with the rest of the United States.  As personal attorney to Faux-President Donald Trump, Giuliani has found himself in the unenviable position of defending his psychopathic client.  How sad.  Giuliani’s staunch leadership during the horrific 09/11 cataclysm got him dubbed as “Mayor or America.”  Now, he’s like a neophyte lawyer handling public drunkenness charges.

Recently, a series of mock posters have been appearing on New York City subway’s noting (emphasizing) Giuliani’s tragic descent into madness.

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Steamed

As competition for the never-ending Darwin Awards heats up, we have a new entrant from Canada.  An unidentified 62-year-old woman apparently decided to try the new trend of “vaginal steaming”; whereupon the participant sits over a steaming-hot bowl of water mixed with herbs to provide intense thermal pelvic cleaning for the female of our species.  I can only assume this new-age ritual is meant to expunge the feminine soul of various and sundry evils: bacteria, unhealthy enzymes and memories of yoga gone wrong.  But gynecologists warn that “v-steaming” – their term, not mine – is not necessarily healthy and actually is potentially dangerous.

“The vagina contains good bacteria, which are there to protect it,” says Dr. Vanessa Mackay, a spokesperson for the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists in the United Kingdom.

Moreover, the victim in this case ended up at a local emergency room with second-degree burns to her cervix and vaginal membranes, according to a report from the Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology at the University of Calgary.  No word on if she drove herself there, or had to be airlifted.  The report also indicates this is the first documented incident of burns incurred by v-steaming.

And you, dear readers, thought only men did stupid shit to their nether regions!  Either way, this gives new meaning to the term “burning bush”.

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Stiff Competition

Another candidate for the Darwin Awards has surfaced in Berlin.  Danny Polaris thought he’d make a recent night out one he wouldn’t forget.  So took a Viagra and, after an evening of partying, went home with a nurse he met out at some club (I suspect).  There, his new “friend” decided to up the excitement and inject Danny’s penis with some kind of still-unknown “stimulant”.  Polaris says he felt fine – until a few days later when he realized he’d developed a painful condition called priapism.  This is one of the unspoken medical anomalies that urologists and the Roman Catholic Church have warned men about for years.

As of August 11, Polaris is still in the hospital, still applying ice packs to his genitalia, reading the Bible, listening to tapes of old women talking about the “not so fresh feeling” and avoiding the Cartoon Network.  No relief appears in sight.  He seems to have no shame in going public with his ordeal and has even detailed his trauma on Instagram.  Friends have also set up a page on the Go Fund Me network to help pay for his treatment and rehabilitation.  I really don’t want to know what “rehabilitation” would mean in this case.

All I can say now is just don’t ask him what’s up!

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Scoot Along Now!

I’ve lived in the Dallas, Texas metropolitan area all of my life and have seen more than a few oddities.  But, on the morning of July 22, a driver captures this fool locomoting down I-35E into downtown Dallas.  Sadly, it can mean only one thing: we have yet another Darwin Awards candidate.

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