Tag Archives: love

Happy Mother’s Day 2024!

“All mothers are working mothers.”

Phyllis Diller

Leave a comment

Filed under News

Happy Easter 2024

“We are told to let our light shine, and if it does, we won’t need to tell anybody it does. Lighthouses don’t fire cannons to call attention to their shining – they just shine.”

Dwight L. Moody

1 Comment

Filed under News

Happy Saint Patrick’s Day 2024

St. Patrick

2 Comments

Filed under News

Having Wes and Leo

Leo – in typical feline fashion – trying to remain calm, while adapting to his new surroundings.

A couple of months ago I made a major decision.  I decided to move my Uncle Wes* and his cat, Leo, in with me.  Wes is my mother’s younger brother.  He served in the U.S. Army in the 1960s and has been married only once; no children.  A proverbial wild man, he’s led a rough life and is now paying the price for it.  Bringing him here was no lightweight decision for me.  No one else has lived here with me since my mother died in June of 2020.  And Leo has the unique distinction of being the very first feline to step foot into this house.  Outside of the occasional stray cat venturing into the back yard, no cat has ever been in here.  Twenty years ago I underwent a formal allergy test and learned – as I’d long suspected – that I’m allergic to ragweed, mountain cedar and cat dander – among other things.  Other things include stupid people, but that’s a different essay.

Despite not being a people person, I guess it’s my nature to want to help people who sometimes can’t fend for or take care of themselves.  As cynical as I’ve become in my seven decades on Earth, a smattering of humanity still lurks deep within my soul.  Besides, I prefer to care for those closest to me.  I couldn’t stand the thought of Wes spending his remaining years in a state of uncertainty.  Like anyone who’s lived into adulthood, he’s made his share of mistakes.

Wes had been living in a dumpy, one-bedroom, one-bath apartment with no washer and dryer in a neighboring Dallas suburb.  Fortunately the laundry facility stood next door, but in an increasingly cashless society, he was frequently searching for quarters.  He had three cats at one point, but Leo is the only surviving one left.  On at least two occasions in the past year he fell in his apartment and couldn’t get back up.

Shortly after my mother died in June of 2020, a close friend told me my parents probably forgave me for never getting married and having children of my own; considering how I cared for them in their final years.  Perhaps because I’ve often wondered how – being an only child – I would have handled their health problems if I’d had a spouse and kids.  My paternal grandmother was fortunate; with seven adult children in her senior years, someone could always look out for her.

Thus, I have to think of what might happen to me if I get to be that age.  My grandmother was 97 when she died, and both my parents lived into their 80s.  Wes just turned 84.

I’m lucky if I hear from one of my first cousins and I only know a few of my neighbors.  I’ve heard plenty of horror stories of elderly and/or disabled people dyeing alone in their homes and lay undiscovered for weeks or even months.

In early 1991 I recall reading one chilling report from a town in Massachusetts – police had discovered the remains of an elderly woman in her home.  The most shocking fact of the case to me was that officials believe she died in July of 1989 because that’s when her banking transactions ceased.  Another startling attribute was that she had two adult children.  Her son admitted, however, that they’d been estranged from their mother for years.  Neighbors also emphasized what a recluse the woman was.  But, I asked myself, how could someone lie dead in their home for nearly two years before being found?

I’m a recluse; always have been and always will be an introvert.  I used to loathe that, but now I cherish it.  It’s just who I am.  The aforementioned friend had also noted years earlier that he feared I was becoming a recluse because I rarely left the house.  My mother was still alive at the time, and I feared leaving her alone because her mind was already sinking into dementia.

Whatever happens in the future, I’m glad I could get Wes to move in here.  We get along great, and it’s actually nice having someone else in the house.  It’s also nice having an animal in the house.  I just have to keep Leo off my bed!

*Name changed

6 Comments

Filed under Essays

Well Life

In my essay last month about turning 60, I declared I’ll never get “old”.  But I also have to emphasize that I’m in a better place now than I have been in years.  Much of it, I’m sure, has to do with the job I landed this past August.  More importantly, though, I’ve realized that all I’ve endured during my seven decades on Earth hasn’t just brought me here – it’s made me who I am.  We all base our views of reality on our own life experiences, and it’s something that none of us can change.  It’s just a natural progression of life.

But, while we can never change what happened way back when – one vice that has always personally tormented me – we can make use of those experiences and go forward.  We have to move ahead.  We have no choice.

For me, I’m feeling the same way now that I did around the turn of the century.  Over a decade ago – as I reflected on my life to date – I recalled the excitement of the new century and the new millennium.  Overall, the 1990s was the best decade of my life – even now!  I had come into my own as a person; finally understanding that I’m better than even I realized at the time.  I don’t want to sound like a talk show victim, but I grew up shy and introverted; characteristics that carried into my adulthood.  I didn’t boast the same level of self-esteem as my parents – something they never could understand.  Making friends was easy for them, but it was a chore for me.

By the 1990s, however, I had come to realize I didn’t need a large gallery of friends to be whole and complete.  And eventually I accepted my introverted personality as perfectly normal for me.  Two years ago I got into a heated text message debate with a long-time acquaintance who insinuated my introverted nature is a sign of mild autism.  Excuse me?  He worked in the mental health field, so he knew all about those things.  I’m a tech writer, so I’m not familiar with autism. Yet to me, it’s one step above mental retardation.  I was offended – and shocked that he would make that assumption about me.  We were cyber-friends and had communicated for years.  But although we’d never met in person, I had believed he knew me well enough to understand who I am.  He kept trying to reassure me that he wasn’t labeling me as retarded; that retardation was a completely different cerebral condition.  But I remained unconvinced.

That I’ve never had many friends and I’m not a fan of my fellow humans is no indication of a mental disorder on my part.  It’s indicative that people generally have pissed me off to the point where I want little do with them.  That’s why the remote nature of this job is ideal.  I might add that my years of reading, writing, jogging and weightlifting have been extremely therapeutic for me; in other words, they prevented me from either killing myself or becoming a serial killer.

But the period from 1996 to the summer of 2001 was a time of personal renewal; a realignment of my spirituality and priorities.  The world seemed wide open, and the future looked endless.  I felt euphoric, perhaps even naïve.  I have that same feeling now, but I view it with greater caution.  I’m much older and won’t take anything for granted.  I know I have more years behind me than I do ahead of me, so I continue to pursue my various ambitions.  I’ve made it this far – thus I’m not going to give up on myself at this point.  I’ve given up on so many assorted dreams and projects in the past and almost gave up on life altogether.

And yet, I’m still here.  Everyone needs to understand they’re worth the troubles that life throws at them.  You’re all worth something.  Please understand that and keep moving forward.

2 Comments

Filed under Essays

Indigenous Peoples’ Day 2023

“If we wonder often, the gift of knowledge will come.”

Native American Proverb (Arapaho)

Indigenous Peoples’ Day

Leave a comment

Filed under News

The Heart Has No Wrinkles

This is a simple, yet extraordinary post from fellow blogger Catnip of Life.  Indeed, the heart never gets wrinkled! Thank you, Sharla!

“There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.”

Sophia Loren

It is inevitable for the wrinkles of life to show their ‘ugly’ signs throughout the aging process. For some, the signs of aging appear much earlier than others. How soon they appear and the deepness of their appearance depends upon life itself…its ups & downs, as well as detours along the way. 

“Wave the magic wand!” we might say at some point. Ah-h-h-h, if only that would work but then we could find ourselves in the midst of a global storm! Yet, if we were without those wrinkles, what would that say about our lives? Would we have truly lived? Would we have smiled and laughed, as well as frowned and cried? Or, would our faces look pasty without any indications of former emotion?

Reflect back on times in your life perhaps when a wrinkle might have first appeared. What was your reaction? Did signs of any wrinkling change the love and compassion you feel in your heart?  To love and to be loved never ages regardless if wrinkles appear!

Leave a comment

Filed under News

I Carry This

The crucifix pictured above is something I carry with me whenever I leave the house.  Although I was raised Roman Catholic, I am not devoutly religious and don’t subscribe to any religion.  I’m more spiritual, if anything.  But the crucifix is something that connects me to my father who died seven years ago.  He used to carry it around in his car.  After he passed, I started toting it around with me.  Everywhere!  Whenever I leave the house – no matter where I go – it’s in my pocket.

Once, a couple of years ago, I had the sudden urge for a late-night cheeseburger, so I hopped into my truck and scampered to a nearby burger joint.  (I normally don’t eat fast food, but this was a weak moment for me.)  After I returned home, I began emptying my pockets – and was startled to realize I didn’t have the crucifix with me.  I hurried back out to the truck and feverishly searched as much of it as I could; working up a minor sweat and panicking.  I was genuinely upset and almost horrified.  How could I lose something so important to me?  And, more importantly, where could it be?

I rushed back into the house, breathing heavily and completely frantic.  I didn’t know where to look next.  But then I returned to my bedroom and pulled open the dresser drawer where I keep my keys and other such items – including the crucifix.  And there it was – sitting quietly atop a handkerchief.  I hadn’t taken it with me when I left to get the food.  The sense of relief was immense – and almost laughable.

I got that upset over an old crucifix?  Well…yes!

I don’t know where my father got it or when.  I don’t even know at what point he placed it into the side panel of his 2002 Chevy Malibu.  But it’s obviously old.  My parents gathered a large collection of crucifixes over the years, which I still have.

As I declared, it’s simply something that connects me to my father.  On this Father’s Day weekend, it’s even more important.

I’m curious to know if any of you have similar items; something that bears such personal significance to you – and only you – that it’s become an integral part of your life.  Please share.

3 Comments

Filed under Essays

Josh at 50

Me at age 9 with my new puppy in the summer of 1973

Today, May 31, marks the 50th anniversary of the birth of my first dog, Joshua or Josh.  When my parents bought this house in suburban Dallas in 1971, they promised to get me a dog.  From the time I was very young, I realized I liked dogs and I wanted one of my own.  My folks decided on a German shepherd.  My mother had to swallow her phobia of big dogs.  Around the age of 6, she and her older sister saw a man in their México City neighborhood be attacked by a Doberman.  It was a sight neither of them could ever forget.

In June of 1973, after we got settled into our new house, my mother called a local group that dealt with German shepherds.  (I can’t remember the name.)  They put her in contact with a nearby breeder.  About a month later my father and I visited the home of the family who had German shepherd puppies for sale.  They were a relatively young couple who had children about my age.  They had five puppies for sale.  As we surveyed the litter, one stepped forward towards me.

“This one,” I told my father.  And that was it.  I had my puppy – or I would in a few weeks, after he’d been fully weaned.  He cost $100, and my father gave the man an extra $50 for the kids.

Naming the puppy was a different task.  Both my parents were trying to determine what would be the best name for the dog.  We had a book entitled “Name Your Baby”, first published in 1963 by Lareina Rule, and after scouring through it, I finally came upon Joshua – an ancient Hebrew name meaning “God of salvation.”  And, just as I’d selected the puppy, I had selected his name.

Josh grew quickly.  By the end of 1973, he had reached his full adult size.  Topping out at roughly 100 pounds, we often didn’t realize how big he was until we brought him inside the house; especially during the hot summer months.

I have too many stories about Josh to recount here, but as with most pets, he became a treasured member of our family.  My father would eventually describe him as majestic.  Josh developed the perfect markings of a German shepherd: solid black fur with an auburn glaze on his back; triangular ears that seemed to move of their own accord when he heard something; and a bark that could echo through the air.  A neighbor said she knew something was different in the area when she heard Josh barking.  And he would only bark if something was awry in the neighborhood.  Ironically Josh was practically scared of my mother, as she only had to roll up the TV guide for him to drop to the floor.  “If he only knew that all he had to do was bark at me, and I’d faint,” she often joked.

In his later years, the hairs around Josh’s face began to gray, and we could tell arthritis was settling into his frame.  He was moving slower, and we often brought him inside during cold weather.  In March of 1985, Josh’s health began to worsen.  His hind legs would periodically collapse, and by April he was pretty much dragging those legs.

On Saturday, April 6, we took him to his local veterinarian.  We had doped him up on tranquilizers, and my father and I had to carry him into the office.  As we slowly ambled across the parking lot, I noticed a man standing several feet away with a young girl who held a leash attached to a small white dog.  I will never forget the look of absolute horror on that girl’s face; her eyes widened, as they locked onto my father and I carrying Josh into the building.

The news wasn’t good.  Spurs had developed beneath the latter half of his spine, which the doctor could dissolve with medication.  But Josh’s hips had deteriorated too badly to be saved.  We had to put him to sleep.

I stared at him lying on the floor in an exam room, drowsy and sad-looking; a strap around his jaw.  Even tranquilized Josh was still able to snap at the staff.  One of them, a young woman, escorted out through a side door with moistened eyes.  The veterinarian looked as if he was using all his strength to prevent himself from bursting into tears.

Josh in the fall of 1983

That year, 1985, was already turning out badly.  Almost from the start, everything went wrong in my life.  Josh’s death was just one part of it all, but it was the worst part.

My father was a gardening enthusiast.  Buying this house with so much space for flower beds and lawns created a slice of heaven on Earth for him.  He almost always wore gloves while digging around in the dirt – and Josh seemed to have a disdain for them.  When my father wasn’t looking or wasn’t around, he’d snatch them away and bury them somewhere in the back yard.  One Saturday about a year after Josh’s death, my father was busy in the back yard when he suddenly uncovered one of his gloves entrenched in the dirt.  He stopped for a moment, he said, and had to compose himself.

Recently I began rummaging through some old documents my father had compiled and came upon batches of photographs we had taken of Josh, starting from the time he was a puppy.  I had been through those documents before, so I was surprised I just now found those photos.  In the process of scanning them, I’ve had to stop and gather my thoughts.  Looking at old pictures always awakens a variety of emotions in people.

That dog meant so much to my parents and me, and losing him was incredibly painful.  That’s why, when my last dog, Wolfgang, turned 10 in 2012, I began preparing myself for his inevitable demise.  Thus, when he did pass four years later, I was able to handle it better.

Another difference in the deaths of both dogs is that I was able to get Wolfgang’s cremated remains in a small wooden box.  In 1985 people just had to leave their deceased pets in the care of the vet who would incinerate and then dispose of them.  Either that or you buried the animal in the back yard somewhere, which some people actually did.  I kept Josh’s collar and tags, which I still have.  And I have these old photos.  One of them sits on the fireplace hearth, on the far left, looking towards my parents’ urns – still guarding them in a way.

Happy 50th Birthday, Josh!

Several months after Josh died, my father bought this status of St. Francis of Assisi to place in our back yard.  St. Francis of Assisi is the patron saint of animals in the Roman Catholic faith.

Leave a comment

Filed under Essays

Happy Saint Patrick’s Day 2023!

May you live as long as you want

And never want as long as you live.

St. Patrick

Leave a comment

Filed under News