Chief Writing Wolf

Survivalist Tip: It should almost go without saying that you’ll need a good collection of sturdy knives in your possession to survive in the post-apocalyptic aftermath.  Whether you’re fortunate to stay in one place, or you have to flee your humble abode, knives will provide a wide range of uses, from self-protection to grooming.  Obviously a knife is a great weapon for self-defense, if you hold it right.  If you grip the handle and point the blade downward, it’s much more effective in warding off an attacker than if you grip it like a dildo.  (If you’re accustomed to gripping both, then you can stop here; you already know how to take care of yourself.)  If you have to leave your home and find food, knives also can be used to kill and skin wild game, such as rabbits, squirrels and Koi fish.  This is not for the squeamish!  Looking into the eyes of a rabbit you’ve just slaughtered while carving up its hindquarters isn’t easy; but it could be necessary in a chaotic world – at least until the grocery stores can restock their shelves.  And, of course, a knife is a great tool for basic grooming.  If, for example, you need to shave after a day of hunting and fending off looters, poachers and relatives who didn’t prepare for the madness, just reach for the smallest blade in your knife collection and go to work with some warm water and soap.  You’ll be ready for the next day!  (This applies to you men, too.)

Survivalist Tip: Get a geographical map of North America that displays all of the indigenous nations.  Europeans like to think they were the first to develop maps with geographic and / or human-made boundaries, but as usual, they’re wrong!  The native peoples of North America had the entire region divided up completely – even the deserts of what is now the American Southwest.  Obviously all that chocolate and peyoté did some good!  You’ll need one of these specialized maps because, in the aftermath of the apocalypse, all post-Columbian boundaries will be eliminated, as North America returns to its rightful place on Earth.  Even if you’re not Indian, you’ll still be able to survive if you know you’re way around the land.  If you have no sense of direction and get lost easily, don’t worry.  With a map in your skeletonized hand, future explorers will know you at least tried.  If you’re Indian AND you get lost easily, then you just need to go ahead and punch out now because you’ve brought shame upon your people, and the gods will kill you anyway!