Survivalist Tip: Since it’s the 1st of March, I want to address those folks who plan to take off on foot somewhere once the apocalypse strikes. You already understand the need for traveling light, but I want to make certain you understand that hiking and climbing for long distances can be tiresome, especially if you’re out of shape and / or you’ve stored too much into your backpack. First, you have to get into shape, which means moving around more than between the refrigerator and your computer. This means actually marching, like people do in the military, on prison chain gangs, or when they’re members of the varsity drum major squad. These individuals understand the importance of maintaining good stride while walking uniformly – otherwise they might get shot! Yes, those drum major coaches can be real hellions. You may be on your own, but you’ll have to keep a good stride. This will help to prevent you from losing your sanity, as you clamber over rough terrain, jumbled vehicles, or masses of dead bodies. If you are out of shape (read: fat ass), start now by marching up and down the street, the apartment complex stairs, or the halls of the mental hospital where you’re staying. This will help to prepare you for long treks across the wasteland. Second, learn to lighten that glut of mess in your backpack. And third, if you carry an I-pod with tunes of Native American music, it would be even better for your soul, as that will show the Mayan gods you are one with the Earth. Otherwise, just hum “99 Bars of Chocolate on the Wall” and you’ll be alright.
Chief Writing Wolf 