Survivalist Tip: If you already live in a well-built house in a good neighborhood, you probably won’t have to flee when the apocalypse hits. Some areas – like South Dallas; Miami’s Little Haiti; Hollywood, CA; and just about all of Detroit – aren’t even safe now, so those residents should start planning to evacuate now. But, if you do plan to stay in your home, please make certain your windows are fortified. Obviously windows are vulnerable because of the glass, but not if they’re made with “cellular composite technology.” No, CCT glass isn’t developed from stem cells, so you pro-life advocates just settle down and hear me out! CCT glass – or what I simply call butt glass – is made with tissue excised from obese people during weight reduction surgeries. And, since there’s been an obesity epidemic in this country for years, there’s no shortage of supply. Tissue from one fat person can secure windows for a four-bedroom home! If you live in a multi-room estate, you’ll probably need at least 5 lard-asses to retrofit all the windows. Yet, this will be an essential, worthwhile investment. Unlike standard glass, butt glass bends and stretches without breaking. Thus, if the Earth shakes and heavy winds blow – which mostly like will happen when the Mayan gods arise – your butt glass windows will keep you and your loved ones safe. And, with everything else going crazy, you don’t want to worry about any unexpected cracks!
Chief Writing Wolf 