Learn how to fry a fish on a rock. Don’t roll your eyes! You’ll not only go blind, you’ll incite the wrath of the Mayan gods. Fish has been a staple of humanity ever since the first Neanderthal fell into a lake and…well, floundered about. Fish was an essential part of the diet of all Indigenous Americans. Most had to live near rivers and / or lakes; they didn’t have horses or mules until the Europeans arrived, so travel via foot traffic was the only means of land transportation. Many communities staged festivals around a massive fish fry. The native peoples of the Caribbean even invented the barbecue. If you plan to hike yourself to safety when the apocalypse hits, you’ll have to find a source of nourishment. Although squirrel soup and raccoon shish kabobs may seem ideal, they don’t go well with chocolate and Xanax; besides, those critters are more likely to carry rabies than bass or goldfish. First, find a relatively smooth, flat rock. Second, start a fire in a pit with some wood, shrubbery branches, grass and / or straw. Place the rock in the center of the pit, in the midst of the fire and let it get hot – obviously! Finally, place the fish on the rock and cook for about 5 – 7 minutes. Don’t worry about not having any seasoning like salt – the dirt and ash will provide enough flavoring.
Chief Writing Wolf 