Survivalist Tip: Yesterday’s “Earth Day” celebrations reminded me of the need to recycle and compost certain materials. But, equally important is what to do with trash you can’t recycle or compost, such as used napkins, 8-track tape players or politicians. Dealing with trash is as old humanity itself. Eons ago, of course, when the Earth wasn’t so crowded, people just tossed their trash aside. Now, because religious practices demand people procreate like rabbits on Viagra (and those same people don’t realize how stupid that is), there are millions upon millions of us on Earth. More advanced ancient societies, like the Mayans and the Romans, dealt with their refuse in practical, constructive ways. Both had complex sewer systems, for example, made with and covered by stones.
Whether you plan to stay at home or head out on foot when the apocalypse hits, you need to be conscious of the trash you generate and leave behind. Here are just some examples.
- Hopefully, you won’t have any leftover food, since that would be wasteful, and the Mayan deities will frown upon you. If by chance you do, try to use it as compost or fertilizer. Orange rinds and apple cores are particularly suited for this type of disposal.
- Baby wipe containers can be used to store and organize things like pens, knives and .45 bullets.
- Plastic bags can be used to pick up dog waste; toss whatever food you don’t eat into one and stuff it in the freezer; wrap one around the head of the most uncooperative member of your crew.
- Glass bottles and jars can be used to store water or other beverages for emergencies, or as defense weapons.
- Metal cans could be used in pretty much the same way as glass bottles and jars. But, they can also be used to scoop up water from a creek, or as a substitute for a shovel if you have to kill a bitchy in-law.
- Plastic milk jugs can also be used for holding water and other beverages, but also to keep Xanax and chocolate pieces.
- Cardboard like that from cereal or cracker boxes can be used as kindling, or for a last will and testament.
- Fabric softener sheets can be used as air fresheners in your clothes drawers, or as last resort toilet paper.
- Foil can be reused in baking, or to blind vultures circling above your camp site.
- Newspapers can be used as fire kindling, or to wrap up whatever items you can’t recycle before burying deep underground. (Note: this won’t work with relatives.)
Everyone has to be conscious of the trash they create. Do what you can to preserve the Earth in the “New Universe.” Otherwise, the Mayan gods will see to it you get buried with those bitchy in-laws.
Chief Writing Wolf 