While Fatigued

This is something I scribbled down on night in the spring of 1985, shortly before college spring break.  That year would turn out to be the single worst in my entire life to date.  Just about everything went wrong.  It was already starting to go wrong when I wrote this.  I was failing academically; trouble with a stupid fraternity; problems with my parents; and a dog in faltering health.  For me, the only good thing about 1985 was that it ended.

 

 

Almost midnight as the clock digitals glimmer,

And my arm has ceased to quiver.

Stopped for this moment to scribe this passage.

I want to relay a beleaguered message.

This day has run the gamut of my emotions.

They’ve slipped from private moments of joy,

To contained anger like silk lotion.

I feel a perverse love of this mixed décor.

It’s a delighted passion of my own soulful heart.

A concert of charms and spirits.

I grope in the dark amidst wrongs and rights.

Wondering if I serve purpose on this Earth.

Thinking my impact may be a single laugh.

Tired.

Hungry.

Eyes pleading for justice.

I overreact?

Underestimate?

This is the kill holding my fate.

 

Image: Christine Deschamps

3 Comments

Filed under Wolf Tales

3 responses to “While Fatigued

  1. It sounds like you were in quite a dark place, thoughts swirling in your head, when you wrote this Alejandro. I do hope that 1985 stays in the past! The only thing we can take from these horror years is to see them as a small part of making us the person we are today! Take only the good from the bad!!!

    • Oh, yes! I’m not exaggerating when I say that 1985 remains the single worst year of my entire life. I was already fatigued with events surrounding me by the time I composed that poem; hence, the title. And things would get worse in the ensuing months.

      But yes, I finally left that year – and other bad years – behind. I have a tendency to hold onto bad memories; not so much to learn from them, but to get angry at the overall situation. After almost a lifetime of being so destructive to my mental health, I stopped and decided to make myself actually learn from unfortunate events and let the anger go.

      • It sounds like you have come to terms with difficult problems that previously you reacted to with anger. Life is full of these, I think. Sometimes it is worse than other times. I find that, although painful to go through, and aside from never wanting to go through them again, there is some satisfaction for me in overcoming a problem or at the very least finding a work around the problem, or a way to muddle through it.

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