Survivalist Tip: Along with your arsenal of firearms, ensure that you have plenty of knives on hand. I don’t mean just steak knives. I mean large carving knives and even machetes. The ancient Mayans cleared the jungles of southern México and Central America with flint versions of machetes and built their massive city-states. If you live in or near a forested area or a jungle, or you have to flee your home, knives can be used to chop through thick vegetation and slice up food items like fish and bananas. They can certainly be used for protection against nosy neighbors and to keep wayward children in line.
Category Archives: Mayan Calendar Countdown
Survivalist Tip: I know I don’t need to remind you animal lovers this, but keep your pets with you, even if you have to evacuate your home. Pets are similar to your kids, except they don’t cost as much money and won’t nag you about stupid stuff. Domesticated animals are more loyal than any damn human, especially dogs, and will keep you company in the worst of crises. If you don’t have a pet, visit your nearest shelter soon and adopt one. Believe me – it’ll be worth the effort. Pets always provide solace and compassion without an attitude, a down payment, or a bottle of booze.
Survivalist Tip: If you live near the ocean, buy a boat. Not a raft, a canoe, or one of those inflatable things – an actual tough, sturdy boat! The abrupt shift in the Earth’s axes will cause the seas to rise and inundate coastal areas. If your neighbors laugh at you, just remind them that people laughed at Noah. If they don’t believe in the story of Noah, start talking about global warming. If they don’t believe in global warming, it’s probably best if they drown. They’ll just take up too much room on your boat anyway.
Survivalist Tip: Since power and utility infrastructures most likely will collapse on or immediately after December 21, it’s imperative to have some light source besides matches, sunlight and a full moon. Therefore, stock up on some battery-operated lanterns. And, I certainly don’t mean those decorative types you hang outside your patio during cozy outdoor dinner parties. They may look nice on cool summer nights, but they’re not practical. Sturdy lanterns can withstand heavy winds, rain and being used as a defense weapon. Have at least 3 available. Besides, there are few things more frustrating than trying to find chocolate in the darkness.
Survivalist Tip: I mentioned early on that, should you have to flee your home when the apocalypse hits, it’s best to be in a sturdy vehicle, such as a big truck, instead of something like a Toyota Camry or a “Smart Car.” I know many of you may be environmentally conscious, but I recommend investing in a large truck. You can store your most important survival gear in the bed of it: water, food rations, rope, guns and chocolate. Even large get good gas mileage these days, which will be critical as you traverse the barren wasteland. Besides, if any undesirables manage to survive the initial chaos – such as politicians, celebrities, or zombies – you can run them down with your big-ass truck!
Survivalist Tip: Whether you hope to stay at home, or hit the road when the apocalypse hits, you need to have a safe for all your valuables. A good sturdy safe is made of metal or some other firm substance; is burglary proof; and is fire and water proof, not just fire and water resistant. I recommend one with a combination lock, as those with key locks are much more easily breached. A safe will guard such items as birth certificates, social security cards, old photographs, guns and chocolate recipes. You definitely don’t want scavengers, politicians and nosy in-laws accessing those things! Your safe doesn’t have to be huge; just big enough to store valuables and transport. Even when things settle down, you’ll find a safe will always be necessary.
Survivalist Tip: I didn’t mention this before – I guess I thought it was just a given for survivalists – but you have to have firearms and ammunition in your arsenal of supplies. It really should be obvious. You don’t have to be a hardcore survivalist, or live in an urban area haunted by drug dealers to know you need solid protection from the worst that society has to offer. Most people will respect your privacy and your property. But, everyone will respect your gun and your bullets. Enough said. If you don’t have one, BUY ONE!
Survivalist Tip: You won’t be able to operate that battery-powered generator without any batteries. Therefore – and this should be as obvious as 2+2 = 4 – you need to stockpile as many batteries as possible. There are literally hundreds of different types of batteries. The ones for your generator and vehicle are the most expensive and cumbersome, but you need to get more than one. Keep all your batteries in enclosed containers to keep them from getting wet and rusted or consumed by small children or animals. As I’ve stated repeatedly, we just don’t know how long power and utility companies will be off-line, which will be a small slice of Heaven amidst the chaos of the “New Universe.” Thus, like any good survivalist, you have to prepare for the worst.
Survivalist Tip: You can’t have water and air purifiers in your home if you don’t have a generator. Remember, the utility companies will malfunction with the sudden shift in the Earth’s axes. While that may be a good thing – since they’ll pretty much get what they deserve after years of screwing you with bloated rates and miscellaneous service charges – you’ll otherwise be out of luck. But, that generator must be battery-powered. A generator will keep some necessary appliances functioning smoothly, such as water purification units, floor fans, heaters and coffee machines. Besides, the low-frequency humming sound a generator creates will keep away undesirable creatures, like insects, rats and anyone from the power company who survives the upheaval and hopes to collect on your electricity bill.
Survivalist Tip: I’ve stated repeatedly throughout this year that the start of the new Baktun will be accompanied by a switch in the Earth’s axes. Among many things, this will cause an abrupt disruption in the atmosphere, and the air will become filled with impurities. We don’t know how long this will last, so you must have an air purifier in your home. Cleaning up the air within your home will help to prevent such easily-transmittable ailments as tuberculosis, measles, influenza and gingivitis. It’s a somewhat expensive investment, but priceless considering it could be a life saver. Good air will also give you enough strength to ward off any politicians or rap stars who might have survived and will try to break into your home for the air quality.