Monthly Archives: April 2012

Survivalist Tip:  Among all the important features of your vehicle, a good set of tires can’t be emphasized enough.  A vehicle without tires is like non-alcoholic beer.  Why bother?  Tires aren’t just for football practices, UFC training regimens, or hillbilly swing sets.  As December 21 approaches, you have to make certain your vehicle’s tires are in good shape.  Here’s a basic check list. 

1. In the U.S., tires must meet standards of tread wear, traction and temperature resistance.  A tread wear rating of 500 – 7oo is very good; 300 – 400 is good; 200 is average; below 200 is dangerous.  Traction grades extend from AA, A, B and C; highest to lowest.  This represents the tire’s ability to stop on wet pavement.  Temperature grades – from A to C – represent the tire’s resistance to the generation of heat.  (Don’t confuse these ratings with bra cup sizes, which have nothing to do with survivalism.) 
2. Tires also need to be properly inflated.  Tire inflation is measured according to pounds per square inch, or PSI, and is directly related to the tire’s diameter.  Tires of 25” to 30” in diameter should have PSI of 32.  Those with worn tread are more likely to be seriously underinflated.  Underinflated tires cost you gas mileage, since they make the engine work harder.  They can also be a safety hazard.  If you have to evacuate your home during the apocalypse, or if you’ll be on the road anyway, the last thing you want is a blowout along the barren wasteland.  That makes you vulnerable to attacks from zombies, wild cats and any hip-hop stars that might still be around. 
3. You also need to have at least one spare tire.  The spare shouldn’t be one of those pathetic donut types.  That’s so 20^th century.  A spare should be a full-size tire.  The same standards for the regular tires apply to the spare. 

There’s no getting around good tire maintenance.  Being a responsible vehicle owner is like being a responsible gun owner.  You don’t want to be careless, or someone could get hurt.  And, in the immediate aftermath of the upheaval, there will be plenty of chances for people to get hurt.  You just don’t want to be on the receiving end of it!

Survivalist Tip:  Yesterday I mentioned the need to maintain the integrity of your vehicle’s battery, even if hope to remain at home during the apocalypse.  But, as a precaution, you also need to have a set of jumper cables on hand.  This assumes, of course, that your vehicle’s battery malfunctions and that another vehicle is nearby.  For the latter, you’ll have to rely upon someone else, such as a friendly neighbor, or a noble stranger.  If you’re lucky, you might encounter an abandoned, but still fully-functioning vehicle during your flight to safety.  All of these scenarios, however, go against the basic creed of survivalism, which is that you depend upon yourself instead of someone else or a government agency.  That can be easily resolved with a battery-operated generator, which I also previously mentioned should be a tool in your gallery of supplies.  Carting such a heavy object along as you evacuate may seem impractical.  But, considering the outrageous alternative scenario: you’ll stumble upon a kindly IRS agent. 

1. You have to familiarize yourself with the positive and negative terminals of the vehicle battery.  This shouldn’t be too difficult, since they’re plainly marked with a + (for positive) and a – (for negative). 
2. If you have to jump-start the battery, clean off any corrosion around the terminals. 
3. Familiarize yourself with the jumper cables themselves.  Usually, the positive cable is red or orange, and the negative one is black. 
4. Connect one end of the positive cable to the dead battery and the other end to the good battery, or better yet, your generator. 
5. Connect one end of the negative cable to the good battery, or the generator, but connect the other end to a metal part of the engine on your vehicle.  Do NOT connect this other end of the negative cable to the dead battery, or it could explode.  And, with all the drama you’ll have to endure from the screaming members of your posse, you don’t need to add to it.  Actually, any metal object will do, such as a metal railing, or a prosthetic leg.  On this step, you’ll generate a normal spark, as you connect to the ground and complete the circuit. 
6. Start the other vehicle, or the generator. 
7. Turn the ignition on your vehicle, while pumping the gas pedal slowly.  At this point, if all turns out well, your vehicle’s engine will come back to life.

Keep in mind this is a worst case scenario.  You have to make certain your vehicle’s battery is in good functioning order in the first place because the last thing you want to do in the chaos of the upheaval is hope someone will help you out.  The Mayan gods don’t look kindly upon people who are too stupid to prepare for things.