Monthly Archives: March 2012

Survivalist Tip:  As I’ve recommended before, it’s important you have at least one firearm readily available.  Of course, no one really wants to use a firearm, unless you’re trying to scare off such pests as rats and political candidates.  But, fortifying the front door to your home is equally important.  Most people think of locks, chains, burglar alarms and ‘Beware of Demonic Dog’ notices plastered below the peep hole, when they’re asked about the front door.  All of these things, however, are merely deterrents.  You have to reinforce the door jamb, which is the vertical portion of the frame onto which the door is secured.  Of course, if you didn’t know what a door jamb is in the first place, you’re going to have a really tough time when the apocalypse hits anyway.  But, here’s how to fortify the door jamb:

1. Pry off the doorstop. This is the trim that the door closes against. Now find where the jamb has been nailed through the shims. Remove each nail and replace with a very long screw (long enough to reach a couple inches into the stud).  Once the screws are flush, put the doorstop back and you’re done.

2.  Reinforce the hinges.  Most hinges have short screws that don’t reach very far.  Simply replace the short screws with long screws that will reach all the way into the studs.  That will secure the door to the jamb and the house frame.

3.  Reinforce the strike plate.  This is the small piece of metal in the jamb that holds the latch or bolt in place.  Because the jamb is chiseled out to make room for the keeper, this is a weak spot where the jamb can easily split apart.  Once again, you’ll need to replace the short screws with ones that reach through into the stud.

Now, the jamb and both sides of the door are attached to the frame and make a formidable barrier.  That way you can enjoy your chocolate and beer in the true comfort of your own home.  And, if anyone dares to ask why you’re tearing up your door frame, just look at them like the idiot they are, point your gun above their heads and give them a dollar so they can buy some of their own damn business!

Survivalist Tip:  As utility services are likely to go down when the apocalypse hits, make certain you have bags of charcoal on hand.  Charcoal has been used for centuries as a cooking aid in most societies around the world; except what is now the Middle East where they used either goat dung or the foreskins of infant males.  The indigenous peoples of the Americas have a long history with wood charcoal, its original form, where they used it for cooking, heating and long-distance text messaging.  Smoke from charcoal-induced flames will ward off insects, spiders, celebrities and other varmints that manage to survive the upheaval.  As I’ve stated repeatedly, we don’t know how long power will be out, so charcoal will help you get through the cold and darkness.  Besides, charcoal-basted chocolate is heavenly!