Survivalist Tip: Whether you hope to remain in your home at the start of the new Baktun, or flee somewhere, you need to make certain your battery vehicle is in good functioning order. Hopefully, you’ll have bought a heavy duty truck or SUV by then, so this piece of advice focuses mainly on batteries for those types of vehicles.
1) Get a dry-cell battery. A water-based battery will be more problematic. If you’re traveling long distances, for example, a wet-cell battery eventually will require more water. You don’t want to spend what precious bottled water resources you have in your supply to refresh the vehicle battery. If you’re not modest, however, you can urinate into the cells of a wet-cell battery, but that will leave you extremely vulnerable and could lead to arguments with the more uptight members of your posse, which then could lead to you expending much-needed energy to beat the crap out of that person or persons.
2) Check for and, if necessary, remove any corrosion, lead oxidation, paint or rust with a brass wire battery brush from the battery on December 20. Pubic hair is a good substitute for a wire brush, especially if it’s from someone over age 45.
3) To prevent any further corrosion, thinly coat the battery’s terminals, posts, terminal clamps, lugs and exposed metal around the battery with high temperature and water resistant grease. Petroleum jelly isn’t recommended because that’s for sexual acts performed by low-class people, and you definitely don’t want to be in that same category.
4) Test the battery by attaching it to a voltage counter. If you don’t have a voltage counter, then buy one! Don’t try to substitute it with something like a microwave oven. A good count will be at least 100 amp hours. If you don’t know what that means, then you shouldn’t own a vehicle in the first place!
5) As a precaution, you need to purchase at least one extra battery. If you have to evacuate your home, you never know how far you may have to travel, or how many piles of dead bodies your vehicle will have to climb over.
Even with power utilities out of service, your vehicle battery shouldn’t be affected. Battery maintenance is necessary no matter what the calendar says. It’ll be critical during the initial phase of the upheaval. You’ll need lots of power to run away from politicians, zombies and other varmints that might survive.
Chief Writing Wolf 