Survivalist Tip: If you live near the ocean, buy a boat. Not a raft, a canoe, or one of those inflatable things – an actual tough, sturdy boat! The abrupt shift in the Earth’s axes will cause the seas to rise and inundate coastal areas. If your neighbors laugh at you, just remind them that people laughed at Noah. If they don’t believe in the story of Noah, start talking about global warming. If they don’t believe in global warming, it’s probably best if they drown. They’ll just take up too much room on your boat anyway.