Valentine’s Day Greetings for the Disenfranchised and Proudly Introverted

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

I’m happy now,

I don’t need you.

Roses are red,

Chili is hot.

Yes, I love you,

But you’re too fat to be on top.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue.

I like when you cuddle,

But not when you moo.

Roses are red,

Sunflowers are yellow.

Just give me a Xanax,

And I’ll stay mellow.

Roses are red,

Knives can cut.

Don’t wake me up now,

Or I’ll kick your butt.

Roses are red,

I love the morning dew.

Don’t blame it on me,

Because Cialis won’t work for you.

Roses are red,

Ivy is green.

Above all else,

You’re the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.

Roses are red,

And some are pink.

Change your damn underwear!

You’re beginning to stink!

Roses are red,

The sun is bright.

Steal my cheesecake,

And we’ll end up in a fight!

Roses are red,

Set plants on the windowsill.

Cry all you want.

I won’t pay your damn cell phone bill.

Some roses are pink.

Some roses are red.

I don’t like how you think,

And you’re lousy in bed.

Roses are red.

I feel I’m next.

When you’re around,

I only want sex.

Roses are red.

Politicians are crass.

I have to admit,

You have a nice ass.

Roses are red,

And you called me a hog.

That’s okay.

I’d rather spend time with my dog.

Roses are red,

And you’re the best.

I really love it,

When you braid the hairs on my chest.

Roses are red.

The sky is gray.

You stood me up last night.

So, happy fucking Valentine’s Day!

Top image: Tee Public – Scare Baby

Bottom image: Srandovní obrázky

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