I Miss You, My Friend

As my 60^th birthday approached last weekend, I thought of an old friend who had a birthday at the end of October.  We haven’t actually spoken in years and last communicated via Facebook.  But I don’t have any contact with him now.

Because of Donald Trump.

Max* was an interesting character.  Born into a large familiar from Eastern Europe, he lived in a number of different places because of his father’s career.  All of that afforded him not just an extraordinary education but an incredible life experience.  He became well-versed in the arts and humanities; a polyglot who could communicate with most anyone.

I admired him on many levels; even envied him.  Just listening to him made me feel smarter.  We discussed a number of issues; seeming to solve all the world’s most vexing problems.

Then Donald Trump entered the fray of politics, and I watched almost helplessly as Max descended into the madness of right-wing extremism.  I tried to remain reasonable; thinking it was something of a phase.  Max couldn’t be this delusional, I told myself; he’s too much of an intellect to be persuaded by this charlatan of a man.

But my thoughts – nearly prayer-like after a while – had no effect.  Max remained a devout Trumpist.  I realized he’d been seduced when he posted a portrait of Francisco Franco, the long-serving Spanish dictator, to his Facebook page.  I’ve often referred to Franco as Western Europe’s last totalitarian ruler; an autocrat who suppressed political dissent and an open media.  Trump reminded me of him – someone who despised his critics and launched vocal tirades against them to state his point.  His contemporaries included Brazil’s Jair Bolsarano and Hungary’s Viktor Orbán.  When Max posted that photo of Franco, I was appalled.  I guess I shouldn’t have been so upset, but it genuinely shocked me.  I quickly pointed out Franco’s dismal record on basic democratic principles and human rights, but a written response on a social media site is almost pointless.  Max had already fallen for the Trump rhetoric and seemed to concur with some of it.  When Trump referred to some African nations as “shithole countries”, for example, Max noted he’d lived in Africa briefly during his youth and could identify with Trump’s description of the region.

“Really, bro?” I replied at one point.

But again – pointless.

How do you persuade someone who’s consumed that proverbial Kool-Aid?  Long answer: education and persuasion.  Short answer: you don’t.  As smart as Max is, I honestly didn’t know what overture would be appropriate.  So…I just let it all go.

I genuinely hate that sensation – ending a friendship because of political opinions.  I’d never had that experience before.  Friends have died or simply faded into their lives, but I’ve never had one dissipate because of politics.

This past Saturday, November 4, another close friend, Preston*, treated me to lunch for my birthday.  As with Max, he and I often engaged in cerebral conversations, which I absolutely love.  I’ve known Preston much longer than I knew Max.  Our exchange migrated to politics and the 2020 election.  Preston is a Trump voter, but he doesn’t appear to be a devout loyalist.  Still, he feels fraud prevailed in the last presidential election.  I feel it prevailed in the 2016 election and highlighted that Trump didn’t win the popular vote.

“I have to respectfully disagree,” he said.

I looked at him and mentioned by former friend Max and what happened with us.  “Dude!” I said.  “I’ve already lost one friend because of political differences!  I’ll be damned if lose another!  Especially you!”

I told Preston I love and respect him too much to let politics drive a wedge between us.  So, we dropped the matter and moved on to other things.

I miss you, my friend Max.  I genuinely miss you and your views on the world and hearing you talk about your life experiences.  But you made the choice to become blinded by the rantings of a pathological madman; you caused this division between us.  I’m certain you’re not exactly upset or mortified – and quite frankly neither am I.

I just hate to see a good friend fade away in the morass of politics.

*Name changed