I planned to join the Dallas run, but they said a red leather thong didn’t count as a Speedo. Damn! It’s always something!
Category Archives: Curiosities
Children of the Corn – with Guns
Just when I thought organized crime was the province of Italians, Russians, the Catholic Church, the Israeli Parliament and Wall Street bankers, the Discovery Channel has come out with “Amish Mafia,” a series about the murky underside of Lancaster County, Pennsylvania’s otherwise puritan Amish community. I have to admit, after only a few episodes, I’m already addicted. I mean, aside from the incredibly beautiful countryside, there are those really cool broad-brimmed hats the men wear!
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Arking
Huibers with a stuffed tiger and his “ark” in the background.
I thought replications of Noah’s Ark were strictly an American evangelical fascination. So, I’m surprised to find out a man in the Netherlands has built a recreation of the Ark that would impress both Noah and Home Depot. After a 20-year quest, Johan Huibers has completed a vessel measuring 427 feet (130 meters) long, 95 feet (29 meters) across and 75 feet (23 meters) high. Huibers began his construction after a nightmare following heavy flooding of the Netherlands in 1992. Already a devout Christian, Huibers saw that as a sign and used the Bible’s Genesis books 6 through 9, following the same instructions God gave Noah. Despite the ship’s massive size, it’s not likely Huibers could fit two of every animal on board. But, he might be able to fit plenty of tulip seeds and bags of hashish.
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Finally Got That Damn Christmas Tree Up!
Took me all weekend, too! Merry – hic –fucking Christmas to everyone!
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Crash Course
Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio must have thought he either got ptomaine poisoning and was seeing things, or had ended up at a family reunion. Last Thursday, the 7th, Arpaio – renowned as “America’s Toughest Sheriff” – dined at John’s Grill in San Francisco’s Union Square, where he encountered members of “Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence.” Established in 1979, the SPI gang promotes human rights and community service, while adorned as fallen nuns. It was only by chance Arpaio was at John’s Grill at the same time as the SPI crew. The latter were on their way to the annual “Drag Queens on Ice Show.” I used to be an Arpaio fan, until he started his anti-illegal immigrant tirade by profiling dark-skinned Hispanics in Phoenix. And, I’ve never cared much for drag queens. But, I have to commend SPI for creating that special Maalox moment for Arpaio. From Mexicans to drag queens – some guys just can’t get a break!
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Lair of the Korean Unicorn
Or, should that be lore? The Korean Central News Agency (KCNA), the official news source for North Korea, announced recently that archaeologists in the capital of Pyongyang have discovered the lair of a unicorn once ridden by King Tongmyong, founder of the Koguryo Kingdom, which ruled the Korean Peninsula and parts of China from 277 B.C. to A.D. 668. The KCNA states that the “lair” is some 200 meters from a temple in Pyongyang; adding that: “A rectangular rock carved with words “Unicorn Lair” stands in front of the lair.” Well, what the hell else would it say?! No word yet on whether the unicorn is part of the same genus as the legendary European uni-horned stallion, or a completely different species. Hopefully, they’ll be able to extract some DNA from the animal’s remains and put to rest rumors that this story is a massive hoax concocted by some mad scientist with bad hair.
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Sex Toy Give-Away Leaves Boston Pulsing with Excitement
People lining up in Boston for a piece of the action.
Just when you thought charitable donations in the U.S. going limp, condom manufacturer Trojan handed out 10,000 vibrators in Boston’s South End on Monday, December 3. The event was controversial enough to get booted from city hall this past October, but fortunately, Trojan found the city’s South End more hospitable and…well, more inviting. Personally, I’m so glad someone has finally decided to move sex out of the gutters and into the public square where most of us think it should be. Besides, it’s the Christmas season! So, the spirit of giving should always be out in the open!
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Chief Writing Wolf 