Category Archives: Curiosities

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Attack-of-the-Mushroom-People

This year marks the 50th anniversary of the release of one of my favorite movies: “Attack of the Mushroom People.”  It’s sort of “Gilligan’s Island” meets “Little Shop of Horrors” with a touch of “Nosferatu.”  First released in Japan in August 1963 under the title “Matango,” the film had a limited run in American theatres as “Attack of the Mushroom People” two years later; before appearing on American television shortly thereafter.  I saw it on TV one summer afternoon in the mid-1970s, during my grade school years, and took an instant liking to it.  That was around the same time I first read Anne Rice’s “Interview with the Vampire.”  A woman who worked with my mother convinced her I was mature enough to read that book, so my mother let me.  And, I developed a lustful fascination with the book.  Thus, commenced my yearning for the darker sides of life and – in case you were wondering – explains a lot about me.

“Mushroom People” begins quietly.  A psychiatrist is summoned by a colleague to a Tokyo mental hospital.  They’re perplexed by a new arrival; a young man recently plucked from a boat floating aimlessly off the Japanese coast.  He mumbles incoherently; apparently the only survivor of an ill-fated pleasure cruise.  He’s quarantined and speaks from the shadows of a dimly-lit room.  But, he finally starts to relay his story; taking us back…back to when it all started on a bright, sunny day.  He and some friends had decided to take a brief trip aboard a yacht.  An unexpected storm (as if there’d be any other kind) swamps the vessel and slams it onto the shores of an island.  The tale takes an ominous turn when one of the men announces that he can’t find the island on any of his maps.  Things get creepier, though, when the castaways happen upon the wreck of an old ship not far from their damaged yacht.  They decide to take refuge aboard it and are surprised to discover journals left by the crew.  The journals reveal something even more mysterious: the island is shrouded in fog most of the year.  And, they also offer a warning: don’t consume any of the mushrooms that grow on the island!  No, don’t!  Seriously!  Don’t!  Aw, hell – you know that warning comes too late.  But, it gets worse – much worse.  The assemblage soon has the collective feeling that they’re being watched.  They begin hearing strange sounds in the night and think they see movement in the thick foliage.  The movie score – heavily laden with organs and water phones – tells you every step is one movement closer to disaster.  Then, all hell breaks loose, and the term ‘magic mushrooms’ takes on a more perverted connotation.

I like the movie in the same twisted way I like “Barbarella,” which came out five years later.  It’s pure campy sci-fi stuff.  You can’t take it seriously, despite the facial expressions of the performers.  But, I’m certain the cast and crew of such films have fun with it during production.  As a writer, though, I’m naturally curious about the state of mind the original scribes were in when they conjured up the story.  “Barbarella” was based on a French comic strip.  I can only surmise the screenplay for “Attack of the Mushroom People” was composed by some hermit with a vengeance against humanity.  I can empathize.  We writers are a curious lot, but we can also be dangerous.  Trust me.

As silly as the plot sounds, this is one movie I’d definitely like to see remade.

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Pig on a Stick

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Sometimes you have to do whatever it takes to keep the masses interested.  J&D’s Foods has come out with a bacon-flavored condom, a latex prophylactic that literally looks like a slab of bacon and smells like one, too.  Considering that sex produces a variety of smells – with or without condoms – this might be an improvement on one of humanity’s favorite past times.  J&D co-founder Justin Esch says the company worked with the U.S. Food and Drug Administration to ensure the condom met with safety regulations.

“The FDA is involved and there’s a lot of testing that goes on,” said Esch.  “We could have made novelty condoms, but really, what fun is that?”

Yes, of course, and what fool wouldn’t take bacon-flavored condoms seriously?  Fortunately (or maybe not), the condoms just smell like bacon, but don’t feel like it.  I mean, if you prefer your bacon extra-crispy, that might be a challenge.

This whole thing might speak to America’s obsession with greasy foods, but I’m quite certain a lot more men will suddenly want to practice safe sex.  I just wish I’d known about the testing phase, so I could have volunteered.  I’m always looking for a free meal!

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Conjugality

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The Texas state house must still be on the typewriter system.  This is an actual ad from Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott, who – like Governor Rick Perry – is the longest serving official in his respective position.  We grammar goons were quick to notice that the correct verbiage should be “is,” as in ‘Neither of which is taught in schools.’  The word ‘neither’ is singular; therefore, so should the corresponding verb.  If that’s too much for a Friday night, I understand.  In a seemingly unrelated event, Texas gets a D+ in school financing.

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Pass the tequila, but hold the picante sauce!

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In keeping with today’s theme of saints and popes, I present this piece.  A man in San Antonio, Texas claims he discovered an image of Jesus on a flour tortilla.  As a Hispanic who was raised Catholic, I have some idea of the excitement Arturo Ruiz must have felt when he opened that package and saw the Savior burnished into the compacted lard.

“I thought I was hallucinating, so I showed it to others, and everybody claimed (the tortilla) showed Jesus,” Ruiz told a local TV station earlier this month.  He had been preparing breakfast when the image apparently caught his eye.  Hard times may have blurred his thinking.  He’s facing eviction and expects his cell phone service to be cut off.  I guess that means we’ll see this beauty on Ebay some time soon.

I have to concede I love flour tortillas, too!  Don’t tell me you’re surprised!  Of the thousands I’ve eaten since 1964, though, I can’t say I’ve noticed anything out of the ordinary.  Well…there was one that looked a little like Agatha Christie holding a glass of bourbon.  Hey, what do you expect from a writer?!

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Turkish Twilight

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Amidst all the bad news about the obesity epidemic in America and ongoing starvation in Africa, here’s finally something good to report on the medical front.  A doctor in Turkey reports that he’s cured one of his patients from “clinical vampirism,” a previously-unknown condition in which the man bore an “insatiable craving for human blood.”  I thought they were called UFC fighters, but obviously I’m not as educated as I thought.

The doctor, Direnc Sakarya, first described the case in the “Journal of Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics” in 2011:

“A 23-year-old married male (3rd of 6 siblings) presented with a 2-year history of ‘addiction’ to drinking blood.  He used to cut his arms, chest, and abdomen with razor blades to collect the blood in a cup and to drink it.  The initial interest in drinking his own blood had subsequently turned to that of others.’  These ‘crises’ were characterized by a strong urge to drink blood immediately, ‘as urgent as breathing.’  He enjoyed the smell and taste of blood despite finding this ‘foolish.’  He also enjoyed biting wounds of others to taste flesh.  He was arrested several times after attacking people by stabbing and biting them with the intention of collecting and drinking their blood.  He forced his father to obtain blood from blood banks.”

I guess I could be classified as a ‘Cuba Libre’ vampire, since I have an insatiable craving for Bacardi and will attack most anyone who looks like they’re holding a particularly delicious double.  Fortunately, I’m not married, but I do order out on occasion, which means I can get away with a lot.

This “clinical vampirism” thing must throw a kink into the “Twilight” series.  If the patient was a teenage girl, I’d just chalk it up to bad parenting.  But, this cretin left untold numbers of victims in his wake, so it’s a good thing he not only stopped but has been treated successfully.  I mean, do you think Dr. Drew could top that?  Regardless, I think the patient could earn some handsome profits off this tale.  And, what book agent (wait for it) wouldn’t want to take a bite out of that?!

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Hold That Thought!

I’ve seen most presidential State of the Union addresses since before I was a teenager, as well as the opposing political party’s (usually pathetic) response afterwards.  But, after last night’s address, I’ve never seen a rebuttal interrupted by an otherwise innocuous bottle of water.  More than halfway into his diatribe, Sen. Marco Rubio’s throat apparently dried up and – trying to be as coy and inconspicuous as possible – he carefully reached for the water, his big bright eyes still trained on the teleprompter just a few feet away.  Personally, I would have reached for a wine cooler, or a Red Bull, but I’m just different like that.  I know Rubio will never be able to live that down.  But, it made for a good laugh.  And, I’ll always drink to that!

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Speaking of Politics and Bowls!

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Courtesy Maxine and “Crabby Road.”

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A Box of Cupcakes Helps the Medicine Go Down

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Courtesy “All Nurses Rock.”

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Strumming

“Sometimes when I play the guitar, I feel like I am dancing with God.  And although I step on her toes from time to time, she is content to let me lead.”

Anonymous

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Photo courtesy Guitar Monk.

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Old Wood and a Bottle of Booze

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I just thought this was funny.  Fellow blogger Travel Spirit (Sherry) took this picture in a gift shop in Tarpon Springs, Florida.  The figure reminds me of a close friend who has a moustache, loves Jack Daniels and used to smoke Camel cigarettes.  He also practically grew up in the Florida panhandle, visiting the area often as a kid.  He said – with the exception of the cigarette – the image is true to him: hard as wood and loving Jack Daniels.  That’s all the visual I’m sure any of us needs!  Thanks, Sherry!

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