Worst Quote of the Week – September 13, 2019

People await evacuation at a dock in Marsh Harbour, Bahamas, on September 7.

“We have to be very careful.  Everybody needs totally proper documentation.  Because, look, the Bahamas had some tremendous problems with people going to the Bahamas that weren’t supposed to be there.  I don’t want to allow people that weren’t supposed to be in the Bahamas to come into the United States — including some very bad people and very bad gang members.”

– Faux President Donald Trump on the prospect of Bahamian citizens being evacuated to the U.S. after Hurricane Dorian.

The death toll following Dorian’s rampage continues to rise, as workers clear debris, and the number of missing remains around 2,500.

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Best Quote of the Week – September 13, 2019

“At this point I call the women’s marches ‘parades,’ with white women doing arts and crafts the night before.  This is an event for them.  It wasn’t until white women were personally affected that they came out in the millions.  All of a sudden they knew how to organize.  Women of color have been marching a long time.”

– Rachel Cargle, author and activist who has criticized feminist movements around the world as exclusive of non-White women.

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The Very Storms

As Hurricane Dorian continues its slow trek up the eastern coastline of the U.S. (the bastard just won’t die!), I think of the storm-related terminology people keep using to describe these systems.  Most every description includes the word “very”.  It’s the same verbiage recycled again and again – the way companies recycle workers during economic downturns and politicians recycle promises with each campaign.  But it’s also somewhat laughable in that, each time, meteorologists, law enforcement officials and reporters (you know, the dumbasses who stand in the middle of a rain-torn street or an inundated beach, as if we’re too stupid to understand how bad it is out that way) utter these same words with just about every hurricane.  More specifically, though, the tones of their voices and the inflections they apply to these characterizations insinuate that said terminology has never been used before.

The word “very” is an adverb meaning, ‘In a high degree, extremely, or exceedingly.’

I had a high school English teacher who grew weary of students constantly using the word “very” to emphasize certain conditions.  “They’re not very poor,” she groused, highlighting one example.  “They’re just poor!”

Okay, boss-lady, got it!  Sending “very” into a dark place from where it will not emerge until after I graduate.

With all of that rigmarole behind us now, I have compiled a short list of frequently used – and overused – terms that meteorologists, law enforcement and those dumbass reporters utilize to describe tropical storm systems.  Keep in mind the adverb “very” is almost always the precursor.

This storm is very…

Dangerous – this is the 2nd most used term to describe tropical storms; apparently, there are such things as safe hurricanes, but I don’t believe one has developed in a while.

Fluid – this generally refers to the actual travel speed of the storm and not the water, which in case you failed Science 101, is one of the most common fluids available.

Intense – this most often indicates the severity of the sustained winds (those closest to the eye) and wind gusts (those furthest from the eye that fluctuate wildly as their speed increases).  This can also describe the persona of those reporters trying to make a name for themselves on the beach, as well as residents and visitors who decide they’re going to tough it out because, after all, what could possibly go wrong amidst 150 mph (241 kph) winds and rain falling sideways?

Powerful – this one competes with “dangerous” as a common description for hurricanes and simply refers to the overall magnitude of the storm.  Considering that an average hurricane can generate 6.0 x 10^14 Watts or 5.2 x 10^19 Joules/day (equivalent to about 200 times Earth’s total electrical generating capacity), it’s tough to imagine a tropical storm system as being weak.  In fact, though, the word “weak” has been used to describe some hurricanes, which means – from a meteorological perspective – it’s all relative.  Think of it as comparing Donald Trump’s intellectual capacity to that of Barack Obama.  Obama would a Category 5 hurricane, while Trump would barely make it out of tropical disturbance status.

Unpredictable – this is undoubtedly the most commonly used term to describe hurricanes.  Understand that these tempests have been bombarding the coastlines of the world since the beginning of time; yet, we modern humans keep trying to predict exactly where one such storm will go.  However, contemporary meteorology has advanced to the point where such estimations are accurate.  But coastal residents and visitors still want weather prognosticators to determine precisely where a storm will make landfall, so they won’t have to ruin their vacations or run to Home Depot at the last minutes to buy generators, batteries, plywood and wine.  Stupid humans!

Wet – this word isn’t utilized too often amidst hurricane descriptions, but every once in a while, it gets tossed into the mix.  Because tropical storm systems develop over large bodies of warm water, I don’t believe “dry” would be an appropriate term.  But that’s just my opinion!  What do you folks think?

Windy – this is actually the most curious description for a hurricane.  Realizing that tropical storm systems are gauged and ranked according to their wind speed, it’s difficult to imagine that even a Category 1 hurricane could pass by without knocking a few trash cans over.  Again, I’m just speculating.

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Worst Quote of the Week – September 6, 2019

“I am NOT going to use the evil acts of a handful of people to diminish the God-given rights of my fellow Texans.  Period.  None of these so-called gun-control solutions will work to stop a person with evil intent. I say NO to ‘red flag’ pre-crime laws.  NO to universal background checks.  NO to bans on AR-15s, or high capacity magazines.  NO to mandatory gun buybacks.”

– Texas State Congressman Matt Schaefer, in the aftermath of a shooting spree in Odessa, Texas August 31

There is no reference to any types of firearms in any known version of religious texts.  After the invention of gunpowder in China in the 9th century C.E., the earliest documented firearm is the Chinese Heilongjiang hand cannon, which appeared around the end of the 13th century C.E.

Surviving example of a Chinese Heilongjiang hand cannon

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Best Quote of the Week – September 6, 2019

“As it relates to safety in our stores, there have been multiple incidents since El Paso where individuals attempting to make a statement and test our response have entered our stores carrying weapons in a way that frightened or concerned our associates and customers. We have also had well-intentioned customers acting lawfully that have inadvertently caused a store to be evacuated and local law enforcement to be called to respond. These incidents are concerning and we would like to avoid them, so we are respectfully requesting that customers no longer openly carry firearms into our stores or Sam’s Clubs in states where “open carry” is permitted – unless they are authorized law enforcement officers.”

– Doug McMillon, CEO of Walmart, on the company’s decision to stop selling certain types of ammunition and firearms and asking customers not to bring weapons into their stores .

The statement is part of a larger memo issued recently company employees.

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Worst Quote of the Week – August 30, 2019

Trump with French President Emmanuel Macron.

“I’m not going to lose that wealth.  I’m not going to lose it on dreams and windmills, which frankly aren’t working too well.”

 – Faux President Donald Trump, at the G7 Summit, regarding the U.S. response to climate change and why he wouldn’t the wealth generated by energy companies over environmental concerns.

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Best Quote of the Week – August 30, 2019

Berman_Richard

“I believe it is the court’s responsibility, and manifestly within its purview, to ensure that the victims in this case are treated fairly and with dignity.”

– Judge Richard M. Berman, on why he convened a hearing in the matter of sex trafficking charges against Jeffrey Epstein.

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Board

This story is based on a true experience that occurred in the spring of 1980.  All names have been changed.

I met Marlene during our first year in high school.  Her soft Quebecois accent complimented her modest demeanor and gentle smile.  I rarely saw her upset.

I can’t recall how long she’d been in the U.S.  Her mother had moved Marlene and her older brother from Canada to Texas for a job opportunity.  I knew other people like Marlene at the suburban Dallas high school we attended and I always wondered how people like Marlene’s mother found their way to our isolated community from other countries.  But I’m glad Marlene did.

Marlene’s best friend at the time, Kristin, lived in a neighboring community and attended the local high school.  They had a mutual friend, Ryan, who attended the same school as Marlene and I.  I never got to know Ryan very well, but he was more outgoing and better-looking than me.  He also had his own car – a sporty red coupe that he liked to drive fast with the stereo blaring.  He was the proverbial “ladies’ man”; the type who thought girls would orgasm at the mere sight of his face or mention of his name.  As a naïve teenage boy, I was naturally envious.  But, although Ryan and I didn’t know each other very well, we still got along.

On a few Saturdays throughout the 1979-80 academic year, Ryan would pick up Marlene and I in his car and drive up to Kristin’s house. We’d do normal teenage stuff: go to a movie; drive around in Ryan’s car; visit a local mall (very popular in those days); talk about family and school; the girls would sometimes roller skate up and down Kristin’s street (I never could get the hang of roller skating); Ryan and I would talk about girls; and I’m sure Marlene and Kristin would talk about boys.  In some ways, I suppose, things haven’t changed for teens in the following decades.

But one Saturday afternoon in the spring of 1980 stands out more prominently than any other.  The four of us did something completely different on that particular Saturday afternoon; something that seemed innocuous at first, but quickly became frightening.  It’s something that remains terrifying to me – even all these years later.

After a day of doing much of the same things we’d done during previous gatherings, we ended up back at Kristin’s home; our young minds wondering what we could do next.

“I have an idea,” Kristin said and asked if any of us had played with a Ouija board.

None of us had.

Kristin hadn’t either, although she had one stored in her room.  I recall her saying another friend had given it to her some months earlier, but neither Kristin nor anyone else in her family had used it yet.  In fact, I don’t believe Kristin’s parents even knew she had it.

She skipped into her room to retrieve it, and the four of us gathered around the dining room table.  No one else was home.  Kristin’s other friend had explained briefly how to utilize the Ouija board.  This one was essentially brand new, but Kristin said she didn’t know why her friend had suddenly decided to give it to her.

With light from both the chandelier above and a nearby window, we all placed our hands on the planchette.  And waited.  And waited.  And waited.

Then, after a few minutes, we collectively felt it moving; sending a nervous tingle through each of us.

I asked if anyone was actually making the device moving, and my friends responded with a chuckle and unified ‘No’.

“What is your name?” Kristin finally asked.

The planchette stopped, before slowly sliding onto the letter ‘M’.  That it had been moving on its own prior to the question didn’t make us pause.  It then glided onto the letter ‘I’.  After several minutes, we got the name ‘Michael’.

Kristin then asked if ‘Michael’ was dead, and the planchette moved up to the word ‘Yes’ on the board’s surface.  Ryan interjected by asking if ‘Michael’ had died in that particular house, and the planchette coasted rightwards onto the word ‘No’.

Kristin asked another question, but I can’t remember what exactly.  I do remember, however, an odd sensation coming over me.  Kristin made yet another inquiry, but again, I can’t recall what it was specifically.

That curious feeling metamorphosed into a barbed needle slowly injecting itself up into my spine, and I abruptly lifted my hands off of the planchette and leaned back.

“Why’d you stop?” Kristin asked.  She and the other two looked at me with surprise, almost irritated.  “Why’d you stop?” Kristin repeated.

I didn’t say anything.  I couldn’t.  I literally couldn’t.  I had never been the talkative type, but at that moment, I was rendered speechless – not out of shame or embarrassment.  More out of fear.  I truly felt paralyzed.  I could only smirk – that peculiar teenage reaction when you can’t explain yourself – and waved a hand on front of my face.

One by one, the other three looked down at the planchette, before slowly retracting their hands from it.  Like me, each of them sat back with a wide-eyed glare.  We all studied the planchette for a few minutes; the eerier sensation that had crept over me now enveloping the entire room like a cold wet blanket.

“Well, hey,” Kristin suddenly blurted; startling us somewhat.  “Let’s go back outside and see what’s going on up the street.”

“Sounds good!” someone said.

Kristin stashed the board back in her room, and the four of us left the house for a short while.  Nothing was going on up the street, but it felt good to get back outside.

At school a week or two later, Marlene told me that Kristin had decided to cut up the Ouija board and toss it in the trash.

“Is she okay?” I asked; genuinely concerned about Kristin’s welfare.

“Oh, yeah!” Marlene replied with a nervous laugh.

Although I remained in touch with Kristin via telephone and letters, I don’t recall us ever gathering at her house again.  And I never discussed the Ouija board incident with either Marlene or Ryan.

I keep thinking, in retrospect, whoever Michael was, I hope he forgave us – a quartet of stupid teenagers – for disturbing his rest.  And I realized even then that it’s always best just to leave people alone – no matter where in the world they are.

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Worst Quote of the Week – August 23, 2019

“I’m the chosen one.”

– Faux-President Donald Trump; responding on Twitter (where else?!) to conservative radio host and known conspiracy theorist Wayne Allyn Root who praised him as “the greatest President for Jews”.

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Best Quote of the Week – August 23, 2019

“For the first time in history, we were able to have Presidential candidates treat us equally.”

– O.J. Semans, executive director of Four Directions, a voting rights group that organized a seminar at the Orpheum Theatre in Sioux City, Iowa, for 2020 Democratic presidential candidates to address Native American concerns.

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