Tag Archives: George Carlin

Merry Christmas 2023!

“I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.”

Maya Angelou

“Christmas: It’s the only religious holiday that’s also a federal holiday.  That way, Christians can go to their services, and everyone else can sit at home and reflect on the true meaning of the separation of church and state.”

Samantha Bee

“It’s always consoling to know that today’s Christmas gifts are tomorrow’s garage sales.”

Milton Berle

“Santa Claus has the right idea.  Visit people only once a year.”

Victor Borge

“Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.”

Andy Borowitz

“The main reason Santa is so jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.”

George Carlin

“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.”

Phyllis Diller

“It’s easier to feel a little more spiritual with a couple of bucks in your pocket.”

Craig Ferguson

“It’s Christmas Eve! It’s the one night of the year when we all act a little nicer; we smile a little easier; we cheer a little more.  For a couple of hours out of the whole year, we are the people that we always hoped we would be.”

Bill Murray

 “There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.”

Bob Phillips

“I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.”

Henny Youngman

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Oh, Hell No!

“It’s way beyond ironic that a place called the Holy Land is the location of the fiercest, most deeply felt hatred in the world.”

George Carlin

The Middle East – once again – is in turmoil.  Then again, the sky is blue, so tell me something I DON’T know.  Early on October 7, Hamas terrorists unexpectedly decided to attack a music festival in southern Israel.  The calamity resulted in the deaths of thousands of people, in what Israeli officials dub “Israel’s 9/11”.  It was the latest salvo in the millennia old conflict between Arabs and Jews in the region.  And the perpetually high tensions are only intensifying.

Israel severed utility services to the Gaza Strip where over two million Palestinians are crammed into a tiny area in apartheid-like conditions.  Meanwhile, Hamas is holding several Jewish hostages.  It’s a nasty stalemate with no viable end.

As usual, though, the United States has gotten involved by showing unmitigated support for Israel.  But President Joe Biden has gone even further and ordered two Navy aircraft carrier groups into the eastern Mediterranean to assist Israel with intelligence and reconnaissance.  Now comes word that Biden may actually send U.S. ground troops into the region to provide further backing in the form of advice and medical assistance.  That’s how our involvement in Vietnam got started more than six decades ago.  And to that I say hell no!

U.S. military involvement in the Israeli – Hamas imbroglio will only result in more animosity towards the U.S. from the Arab world.  In case anyone forgot, our most recent entanglement in the Middle East resulted in the deaths of millions of people.  Coming out of the tragedy of 9/11, we had a cowboy president who was aching to run out and bomb places.  That conflict – the Iraq War – was launched purely to gain access to the country’s valuable natural resources.  It was blood for oil.

If the U.S. sends ground troops into Israel, it will just be lots of blood.  And it won’t stop the relentless animosity that plagues the region.  Something else will erupt between the warring sides in the future.  That particular part of the globe has been a super-volcano of human interaction and for one primary reason – religion.  The Middle East is the birth place of the world’s three largest theologies – Judaism, Christianity and Islam.  In other words, it’s a crime scene.

Hamas is definitely a terrorist group – and a cowardly one at that.  They hide among the innocent civilians of the Palestinian populace; people they swear to support but who are also captives.  But Israel isn’t exactly innocent.  Like the United States, Israel was established primarily by White Europeans seeking religious freedom who displaced many of the indigenous residents.

Ironically, though, because that area is the cradle of Judaism and Islam, people of both faiths can genuinely claim it as their homeland.  Supposedly Israel has proposed a two-state solution for decades, which Palestinians have allegedly rejected.

I have to highlight that Israel is the only true democracy in the Middle East.  They maintain the highest standard of living and the lowest infant mortality in the region.  I mean, Israeli women can drive and vote and don’t have to dress up like beekeepers when they leave home!

Regardless, I don’t know why level heads won’t prevail amidst the anxiety and honestly I really don’t care.  The hate between both groups is like space – it’s infinite and never-ending.  I truly wish, though, they would stop fighting and start talking.  But because the bitterness has simmered for centuries and because religion is at the crux of it all, I just don’t see that happening within our lifetime.

Either way I just don’t want the U.S. to get militarily involved.  That will solve nothing!  It never has.

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Merry Christmas 2021!

“Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.”

Gary Allan

“I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.”

Maya Angelou

“In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it ‘Christmas’ and went to church; the Jews called it ‘Hanukkah‘ and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say ‘Merry Christmas!’ or ‘Happy Hanukkah!’ or (to the atheists) ‘Look out for the wall!’”

Dave Barry

“It’s always consoling to know that today’s Christmas gifts are tomorrow’s garage sales.”

Milton Berle

“Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.”

Andy Borowitz

“The main reason Santa is so jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.”

George Carlin

“Christmas, here again. Let us raise a loving cup; Peace on Earth, goodwill to men, and make them do the washing up.”

Wendy Cope

“Thank you, Stockings, for being a long flammable piece of fabric people like to hang over a roaring fireplace.”

Jimmy Fallon

“A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.”

Garrison Keillor

“There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.”

Bob Philips

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