Tag Archives: Mayan calendar

Survivalist Tip:  Every good survivalist has a tent in their cache of supplies.  You should, too, whether or not you plan to be on foot during the upheaval.  A high quality tent is made of sturdy polyester fabric with a PVC (polyvinyl chloride) coating.  PVC is the result of recycled paper, beer cans and skin removed from obese people – so you can be assured it’s great for the environment.  That’s especially important when you realize the Mayan gods are already angered by the extreme waste in our society.  A tent with PVC coating will stand up to most anything – rain, hail, wind, politicians – and will provide you with some level of security, as chaos surrounds you.  And, while people are fighting off zombies and politicians, you can relax in your tent with some chocolate and beer!

Survivalist Tip:  Whether you plan to head out on foot, or at some point, need to go hunting for your food, you must have some sturdy boots on hand – preferably more than one pair.  They definitely must have thick soles, but they also should have alloy-enforced toe fronts, reach above your ankle and be water and fire resistant.  Keep your fancy, over-priced designer footwear stored away.  They’ll be useless in almost any situation when the apocalypse hits.  Besides, with that alloy toe, you can easily disable anyone who tries to break into your home to steal water or fruit with a swift kick to the crotch or the butt.  Trust me – I’ve done that when someone has tried to snatch a beer or burger from my hand at music festivals.  Sturdy work boots just sort of command respect that way.

Survivalist Tip:  You must have plenty of containers to hold water; preferably made of steel, but firm plastic ones will suffice.  Containers for long-term water storage come in a variety of sizes – starting at 5 gallons.  If you plan to stay at home, I recommend much larger ones.  You can keep these vessels in your garage or house or even in your apartment.  Making certain the water stays fresh and drinkable is an obvious concern, so that’s why you also need a battery-powered water purification system.  The ancient Mayans developed sophisticated water storage and purification methods without the benefit of electricity, computers, or utility companies.  Therefore, it’s critical that you learn to gather, ration and treat your own water.  These items will ensure a stable environment for you and your family.  And, once things settle down, don’t just throw away these containers!  Any good survivalist knows they’re for long-term use.  Besides, you can store excess chocolate and gold bullion in them.

Survivalist Tip:  Some people will laugh at this, but you must have a bow and arrow amidst your cache of supplies.  Humans have been utilizing bows and arrows for thousands of years – mostly for food, but also for self-defense and to frighten away mooching in-laws.  Handling one takes some skill, but you can learn rather quickly.  It also literally can be the difference between life and death.  A nicely-shot arrow can take out someone trying to steal your food rations or water.  But, it also can provide sustenance for you and your family; a large game animal doesn’t stand a chance against a strategically-fired arrow.  And, neither will those lousy in-laws!  Bows and arrows aren’t just for Cupid anymore.

Survivalist Tip:  Whether or not you live near a coastline, river, large lake or a sewage plant, you must have some heavy-duty rain wear.  You need sturdy attire made of firm yet malleable rubber.  Heavy precipitation is expected when the apocalypse hits next week, and since it’s winter in the Northern Hemisphere, that means snow and ice for most of the region.  Heavy rain gear includes hip waders, boots, ponchos, jackets and backpacks; all will help to keep out water and snow.  There’s no worse feeling than trying to save your kids, pets, or bags of chocolate while soaked to the skin.  Believe me – I’ve been there.

Survivalist Tip:  As I’ve stated constantly throughout these posts, there’s a strong likelihood the Earth’s magnetic fields will reverse on or immediately after December 21^st.  This will be a good thing in some ways; mainly that utility companies will go off-line and anyone stalking you will become confused and lost.  You won’t, though, if you get a compass.  This will be especially helpful if you decide to head out on foot, or even if you have to evacuate your home.  Either way it’s an essential tool – particularly for finding water and chocolate amidst the chaos.

Survivalist Tip:  You’ll need some hydrogen peroxide.  This multi-purpose chemical isn’t just for hair bleach.  It can serve as a substitute for toothpaste, but it also can be used as a disinfectant and water purifier, which will be essential in a society without power companies.

With plenty of hydrogen peroxide, you can:

• Disinfect your tap water;
• Disinfect any wild game you might have to kill;
• Disinfect any cuts or scrapes you might incur from killing the animal;
• Disinfect any cuts or scrapes you might incur from preparing the animal for a meal;
• Brush your teeth after eating.

Since cleanliness is next to godliness, you’ll want to be as clean as possible in the presence of the Mayan gods.  And, there are few things more rude and classless than smiling at a god with stained teeth and then keeling over with stomach pains because you drank infected water!

Survivalist Tip:  Since old photos of family and friends are the way most people stay connected, even in this digital age, it’s imperative you gather and safeguard as many of your own as you can.  Old pictures provide a solid link to the past.  Photography is one of modern humanity’s greatest inventions.  If necessary scan your photos onto a computer and then copy them onto a portable zip drive, so you won’t have to carry them around.  That’s, of course, assuming you have to evacuate.  Once things settle down, you can look at those old photos and remember how life used to be.  Hopefully, you were sober in them, so the memories won’t be too painful.

Survivalist Tip:  You must have some flashlights amidst your cache of supplies.  Since they’re battery-powered, they’re vital, as utility companies will probably collapse when the apocalypse hits.  As an alternative light source, a flashlight will provide some sense of comfort in the darkness.  You can also surprise unwanted relatives trying to sneak into your house at night and then, knock them over the head with it.

Survivalist Tip:  Whether you plan to stay in your home when the apocalypse arrives, or flee to safety, you need to have a well-stocked tool box among your supplies.  The best ones are made from aluminum or steel and therefore, not easily damaged if you drop it, or use it as a defense weapon.

A complete tool box features the usual items:

• hammer
• screwdriver
• tape measure
• pliers
• duct tape
• black electrician’s tape
• wire cutters
• markers
• assorted nails
• assorted screws
• various size batteries

But, it also should contain:

• drill (battery-operated)
• blue painter’s tape
• flashlight
• wrench
• work gloves
• safety goggles
• hacksaw
• utility knife
• vice grips
• chisel
• staple gun
• small wrecking bar
• chocolate
• antacids

Whether you have mechanical difficulties with your vehicle, need to build an impromptu outdoor shelter, or make a quick home repair, a well-stocked tool box will help you get through the initial chaos at the start of the next Baktun.  The ancient Mayans always kept their tools organized and concentrated.  Why else do you think their temples have survived for over 2,000 years, while you have to buy a new cell phone every year?