Tag Archives: work

In my essay last month about turning 60, I declared I’ll never get “old”.  But I also have to emphasize that I’m in a better place now than I have been in years.  Much of it, I’m sure, has to do with the job I landed this past August.  More importantly, though, I’ve realized that all I’ve endured during my seven decades on Earth hasn’t just brought me here – it’s made me who I am.  We all base our views of reality on our own life experiences, and it’s something that none of us can change.  It’s just a natural progression of life.

But, while we can never change what happened way back when – one vice that has always personally tormented me – we can make use of those experiences and go forward.  We have to move ahead.  We have no choice.

For me, I’m feeling the same way now that I did around the turn of the century.  Over a decade ago – as I reflected on my life to date – I recalled the excitement of the new century and the new millennium.  Overall, the 1990s was the best decade of my life – even now!  I had come into my own as a person; finally understanding that I’m better than even I realized at the time.  I don’t want to sound like a talk show victim, but I grew up shy and introverted; characteristics that carried into my adulthood.  I didn’t boast the same level of self-esteem as my parents – something they never could understand.  Making friends was easy for them, but it was a chore for me.

By the 1990s, however, I had come to realize I didn’t need a large gallery of friends to be whole and complete.  And eventually I accepted my introverted personality as perfectly normal for me.  Two years ago I got into a heated text message debate with a long-time acquaintance who insinuated my introverted nature is a sign of mild autism.  Excuse me?  He worked in the mental health field, so he knew all about those things.  I’m a tech writer, so I’m not familiar with autism. Yet to me, it’s one step above mental retardation.  I was offended – and shocked that he would make that assumption about me.  We were cyber-friends and had communicated for years.  But although we’d never met in person, I had believed he knew me well enough to understand who I am.  He kept trying to reassure me that he wasn’t labeling me as retarded; that retardation was a completely different cerebral condition.  But I remained unconvinced.

That I’ve never had many friends and I’m not a fan of my fellow humans is no indication of a mental disorder on my part.  It’s indicative that people generally have pissed me off to the point where I want little do with them.  That’s why the remote nature of this job is ideal.  I might add that my years of reading, writing, jogging and weightlifting have been extremely therapeutic for me; in other words, they prevented me from either killing myself or becoming a serial killer.

But the period from 1996 to the summer of 2001 was a time of personal renewal; a realignment of my spirituality and priorities.  The world seemed wide open, and the future looked endless.  I felt euphoric, perhaps even naïve.  I have that same feeling now, but I view it with greater caution.  I’m much older and won’t take anything for granted.  I know I have more years behind me than I do ahead of me, so I continue to pursue my various ambitions.  I’ve made it this far – thus I’m not going to give up on myself at this point.  I’ve given up on so many assorted dreams and projects in the past and almost gave up on life altogether.

And yet, I’m still here.  Everyone needs to understand they’re worth the troubles that life throws at them.  You’re all worth something.  Please understand that and keep moving forward.