“When you’re young, you think your dad is Superman. Then you grow up, and you realize he’s just a regular guy who wears a cape.” – Dave Attell
“Four-year-old: Tell me a scary story!
Me: One time little people popped out of your mom, and they never stopped asking questions.
Four-year-old: Why?” – James Breakwell
“He has always provided me a safe place to land and a hard place from which to launch.” – Chelsea Clinton
“Me and my dad used to play tag. He’d drive.” – Rodney Dangerfield
“There should be a children’s song: ‘If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep.’” – Jim Gaffigan
“Any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad.” – Anne Geddes
“I just sit there and make up songs and sing to [my son] in gibberish. I’m very good at gibberish now.” – Elton John
“I found out that I’m a pretty bad father. I make a lot of mistakes and I don’t know what I’m doing. But my kids love me. Go figure.” – Louis C.K.
“Men should always change diapers. It’s a very rewarding experience. It’s mentally cleansing. It’s like washing dishes, but imagine if the dishes were your kids, so you really love the dishes.” – Chris Martin
“I’m probably the most uncool guy that [my daughters] know – as far as they are concerned anyway – ‘cause I’m Dad. I mean dads just aren’t cool – especially when I dance! They don’t want me to dance.” – Tim McGraw
“Having a kid is like falling in love for the first time when you’re 12, but every day.” – Mike Myers
“Having children is like living in a frat house: nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.” – Ray Romano
“The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get.” – Tim Russert
“My sisters and I can still recite Dad’s grilling rules: Rule No. 1: Dad is in charge. Rule No. 2: Repeat Rule No. 1.” – Connie Schultz
“You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life, because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.” – Jerry Seinfeld
“Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.” – Jon Stewart
“I’ve had some amazing people in my life. Look at my father – he came from a small fishing village of five hundred people and at six foot four with giant ears and a kind of very odd expression, thought he could be a movie star. So go figure, you know?” – Kiefer Sutherland
“I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.” – Harry S. Truman
“When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.” – Mark Twain
“Before I got married I had six theories about raising children; now, I have six children and no theories.” – John Wilmot