“How come my three year old son knows every species and genus of dinosaur and I can’t even remember my home phone number?”
“I rescind my early statement, ‘I could never fall in love with a girl who regularly poops her pants.’ (I hadn’t met my daughter yet).”
“The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get.”
“By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.”
“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”
“You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life, because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.”
“I gave my father $100 and said, ‘Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.’ So he went out and bought a present for my mother.”
“Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.”
“There should be a children’s song: ‘If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep.”
“It is so embarrassing how I went from a person who did not care about anyone’s children. Then you have them, and you brag about the same stuff that you never cared about. And you tell people, ‘he’s got four teeth,’ like they care.”
“On our 6 am walk, my daughter asked where the moon goes each morning. I let her know it’s in heaven, visiting daddy’s freedom.”
“Having children is like living in a frat house: nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.”
“My daughter got me a ‘World’s Best Dad’ mug. So we know she’s sarcastic.”
“A father carries pictures where his money used to be.”
“Good parenting means investing in your child’s future, which is why I am saving to buy mine a hoverboard someday.”
“Getting a burp out of your little thing when she needs it is probably the greatest satisfaction I’ve come across at this point in my life. It is truly one of life’s most satisfying moments.”
“The only way I can describe [fatherhood] – it sounds stupid, but – at the end of ‘How the Grinch Stole Christmas,’ you know how his heart grows like five times? Everything is full; it’s just full all the time.”
“When you’re young, you think your dad is Superman. Then you grow up, and you realize he’s just a regular guy who wears a cape.”
“When I was a kid, I said to my father one afternoon, ‘Daddy, will you take me to the zoo?’ He answered, ‘If the zoo wants you, let them come and get you.’”
“Raising a kid is part joy and part guerrilla warfare.”
Chief Writing Wolf 
I loved this! I needed it this morning as I sat and thought about my dads.
Yes, I was thinking about my father this morning – like I do every day – as well as the number of friends who are dads.
These are great quotes, and I thank you for the laugh it gave me as I read it this morning. This one is the pick: Having children is like living in a frat house: nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.”
Hilarious but true – at least in our house when there were two young boys…
I still wish I’d had children in my 20s or even 30s. But I guess some things just aren’t meant to be.
You made the best decision at the time and must not regret ewhat uou chose. The universe deemed it wasn’t yo.happen just then. If it was meant to happen, it would have happened somehow. I love my kids but they have given me many worries, and heartaches. You worry so much about them. You have freedom from worry I can never have and plus, they are expensive to raise. This world they grow up in isn’t always kind to them.