“What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork.”
Pearl Bailey
“Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.”
Ambrose Bierce
“Valentine’s Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don’t have a special someone, you’re alone.”
Lewis Black
“Love is a lot like a backache: it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.”
George Burns
“Love is a two-way street constantly under construction.”
Carroll Bryant
“A girl can wait for the right man to come along, but in the meantime that doesn’t mean she can’t have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones.”
Cher
“An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.”
Agatha Christie
“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.”
Joan Crawford
“Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.”
Phyllis Diller
“Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.”
Albert Einstein
“I married for love, but the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored.”
Cameron Esposito
“Oh, here’s an idea: Let’s make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine’s Day. That’s not weird at all.”
Jimmy Fallon
“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.”
Will Ferrell
“Without Valentine’s Day, February would be … well, January.”
Jim Gaffigan
“Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.”
Richard Jeni
“Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.”
Natasha Leggero
“You are never alone on Valentine’s Day if you’re near a lake and have bread.”
Mike Primavera
“I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
Rita Rudner
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”
Charles M. Schulz
“Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women; a little bit of support and a little bit of freedom.”
Jerry Seinfeld
“Love is blind – marriage is the eye-opener.”
Pauline Thomason
“If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?”
Lily Tomlin
“Love thy neighbor – and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier.”
Mae West
“You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.”
Henny Youngman
Chief Writing Wolf 