Tag Archives: apocalypse 2012

Survivalist Tip: Peas have always been treated like Chihuahuas of the vegetable world: nothing more than little runts.  But, although they don’t make as much noise, peas are among the most nutritious and versatile of all vegetables, which is why you should include them in your food supply.  Pease have high concentrations of sugar and starch, but even higher levels of antioxidants and anti-inflammatory agents.  They also feature an element called coumestral, which research has suggested can fight some cancers.  Other research has shown they fight diabetes, despite their high natural sugar content.  Green peas are also low fat and have sizeable concentrations of Vitamin E.

Peas are also good for the environment and not just because they won’t give you gas.  Agricultural research has shown that, with the help of bacteria in the soil, pea crops can take nitrogen gas from the air and convert it to more usable nitrogen in the soil without the need for added fertilizer.  Pea plants have a shallow root system, which helps prevent soil erosion and once the peas have been picked, the plant remainders tend to break down relatively easily for soil replenishment.  This may not seem like an ideal survivalist food, but in the chaotic aftermath of the apocalypse, just give peas a chance.

Survivalist Tip: Spinach is something you should have in your food supply.  It is one of the most popular vegetables and one of the most versatile, as it can be prepared in a number of ways.  It is also one of the most nutrient-dense of all foods; low in calories and extremely high in vitamins and minerals.  Like all leafy green vegetables, spinach is an excellent source of Vitamins A, B2, B6, C and K, as well as magnesium, potassium and calcium.  All of these elements work to combat free radicals in your body.  And, with plenty of radicals running all over the place after the apocalypse, you don’t need to worry about inside of you.  Some studies have shown that even moderate consumption of spinach slows age-related decline in brain functions.  Spinach also has anti-inflammatory properties that can ease the aggravation of arthritis, asthma, migraines and osteoporosis.  There’s no proof it helps ease the aggravation of dealing with bratty kids, but the migraine relief might be close.  As I’ve mentioned several times before, struggling to survive in the barren wasteland following the upheaval will require you to be in top mental and physical shape; thus, spinach is one food to help you stay sharp.  Otherwise, you won’t be able to enjoy all that chocolate you’ve stored.

Survivalist Tip: I want to get back to relatively normal foods now by mentioning potatoes and suggest you should include them in your cache of culinary supplies.  Potatoes are indigenous to the Americas.  There are about 5,000 varieties of potato worldwide; some 3,000 found in the Andes region alone.  Europeans didn’t know what to think when they first saw them; considering the edible portion is what grows underground.  But, they found them especially attractive when they began starving.  Potatoes are the number one food crop in the world and are one of the most versatile, as they can be cooked almost any way.

They are also among the most nutritious.  One potato has about 173 grams of nutrients, such as Vitamin B6, Vitamin C and potassium.  They are high in fiber and low in calories.  Unfortunately, most people in the U.S. consume potatoes in the form of greasy fries or potato chips; even baked potatoes are usually loaded down with a variety of dairy products.  Because of their high-carbohydrate and white starch content, potatoes often are removed from the diets of weight-conscious people.  But, as you struggle to survive at the onset of the apocalypse, you’ll find more important things to think about than your weight.  Potatoes also keep for a long time, so you won’t have to worry about spoilage.  And, since they come from the dirt of Mother Earth, consuming them without many additives will show the Mayan deities you’re worth saving.

Survivalist Tip: Ants are another type of insect that can be consumed as a last minute food source.  Like most insects, ants are low in fat and high in protein.  And since there are usually thousands of them at any one time, you don’t have to worry about not getting enough in a single serving.  Just toss them into a pan with some butter and your favorite seasoning and roast them.  There are 4 species of ants that are edible: carpenter, leaf-cutter, honey pot and lemon.

• Carpenter ants are perhaps the most common of the ant species, since they’re indigenous to many parts of the world.  They are distinguishable because they are solid black and have a fetish for wood.  Many people confuse them with termites, which also have a taste for wood.  But, carpenter ants – as the name implies – don’t really eat the wood; they just hollow it out to make nests.  Nonetheless, they’re perfectly edible and since they already could be in your house, you won’t have to hunt for them.
• Honey pot ants have abdomens swollen with a nectar-like substance that literally tastes like honey.  They are indigenous to Australia and have been a staple of that continent’s Aboriginal peoples for thousands of years.  The first Caucasians in Australia scoffed at the idea of consuming any kind of insect and considered it beneath them – until they ended up stranded in the Australian desert without any deer or sheep.
• Leaf cutter ants are eaten mainly in South America and are said to have a taste somewhere between bacon and pistachio nuts.  Therefore, think of a BLT sandwich or a rum drink while consuming them.
• Lemon ants are found in the Amazon jungle and supposedly have a taste that befits their name.  Indigenous Amazonians have consumed them for thousands of years; it’s pretty much what kept them alive after fleeing into the jungle when Europeans arrived.

There’s another species of ant you definitely don’t want to consume: fire ants.  These are easily identifiable because of their bright red color.  But, they’re very aggressive and can sting like a wasp.  Eating them will only give you heartburn – and that’s something you don’t need in the midst of the apocalyptic chaos.

Survivalist Tip: In continuing with my entomological diet, I want to add grasshoppers to the list.  As with worms, people around the world consume grasshoppers on a regular basis.  And, like worms, these insects are a good source of protein.  They’re easy to catch and even easier to cook.  They’re normally roasted over an open fire, but you can also sauté them in mushroom sauce or with spices such as salt and garlic.  You can even dip them in chocolate.  There’s only one thing  you need to remember: make sure they’re dead first.  You never know what’s in a grasshopper’s insides, but cooking them will ensure you don’t get sick.  If you’re already getting sick, just hope you can remain at home and live off your normal food products when the apocalypse hits.

Survivalist Tip: If the thought of eating worms to survive is sickening, then you’d better hope you can stay indoors when the apocalypse hits.  As strange – even repulsive as it seems – worms are a good source of protein.  Ancient peoples all over the world have used them in their diets.  The Mayans used to fry them with chili peppers and then take a chocolate enema.  Contemporary survivalist courses in the military often talk about living off of various insects, including worms.  I’ve actually only consumed a worm once in my life – after almost completely downing a bottle of tequila.  My fellow frat brothers saved the worm just for me.  I felt special and loved.

Pound for pound, though, worms have higher protein content than most animal products.  Mealworms are a great starter worm for the uninitiated.  They can be found in any bait and tackle shop, specialty sellers, or garden center.  If you choose the latter place to get them, try to buy a plant first, or they’ll call security when they see you crawling around looking for worms.  You can even raise them, if you’re so inclined.  People all over Latin America and Asia do this; they even sell them to locals and occasionally the adventurous tourist.  You can eat them raw, or – as I stated above – cook them somehow with another ingredient.  If you feel like getting your protein and caffeine at once, you could even dip them into warm chocolate.

Regardless, don’t turn up your nose at the thought of consuming insect larvae.  The Mayan deities strike down anyone who thinks they’re too good to eat something that comes from the blessed Earth.  Just remember, though, no matter where or how you’re buried, worms will work their way into your body somehow.  You might as well enjoy some while you’re still alive.

Survivalist Tip: I know I’m late with this, but as before, it just proves how prepared we all must be by December 21.  And, one thing we’ll need in our stockpile is sugar.  Sugar canes are among the oldest crops.  Humans have been cultivating them for thousands of years.  Today, most sugar cane crops grow in tropical zones in the Southern Hemisphere.

Unfortunately, sugar has gained a bad reputation in recent decades, mainly because of its abuse in the processed food industry by people who were too quick to blame everything and everyone but themselves for getting fat and lazy.  Saying something negative about sugar is like giving a beef-flavored treat to a dog: they’ll swallow it without giving it much thought.  But, sugar is an essential element and is part of our biological makeup.  It’s fuel for the body and brain and is present in almost every food or beverage humans and animals consume.

Sugar comes in 6 natural forms:

• Glucose – fruits, vegetables, honey, milk, cereals
• Fructose – fruits, vegetables, honey
• Galactose – dairy products
• Sucrose – fruits, vegetables
• Lactose – milk
• Maltose – cereals, malt products

Be leery of processed sugars, such as packaged cookies and cereals, cheesecakes, muffins and Hollywood celebrities.  They’re very bad for your health.  Too much of these things can interfere with proper brain function, and you definitely don’t need your brain to go haywire as you struggle to survive in the aftermath of the apocalypse.

Survivalist Tip: Of all the food ingredients you should stockpile, flour needs to be one of them.  This is an indispensable commodity.  Flour is basically the result of grinding cereal grains, seeds or roots.  Every culture throughout human history has created flour, from the ancient Chinese to the medieval French who used it to treat herpes sores to contemporary residents of Beverly Hills who use it to feed their Mexican gardeners.  The term “flour” is derived from – what else? – “flower;” both words ironically are French in origin.  They come from “fleur,” which means “blossom.”  The process of creating flour figuratively means to create the finest part of a meal.

Wheat and rye are the principal grains used to make flour.  Don’t worry now about actually trying to create your own batches of flour; just purchase several bags of it before December 21.  It’ll keep well, even unrefrigerated.  Mixing flour with water usually creates paste.  But, it also can be baked or cooked to make some simple, yet nutritious foods to get you through the toughest part of your survival.  And, if you want to add extra taste to it, mix it up with some chocolate and/or beer.  Hey, just because you’re in the midst of an Earth-shattering crisis doesn’t mean you – a well-prepared survivalist – can’t enjoy yourself, while other hapless souls stumble around the barren wasteland!

Survivalist Tip: Yesterday I mentioned crackers.  Aside from salads and soups, few things go better with crackers than peanut butter.  Peanuts are indigenous to South America where they were first cultivated around 950 B.C.  Even the Aztecs considered them a viable food source, feeding them to sacrificial victims days before the carnage fest.  John Kellogg (of corn flakes fame) actually invented peanut butter in 1890, and it’s been a popular food staple ever since.  But, peanut butter isn’t just for kids.  It’s packed with Vitamin E, magnesium and potassium, and therefore, a good source of protein.  Although it has roughly 180 to 210 calories per serving, that’s almost completely fiber, which ultimately gives you that full feeling you’d normally get from gorging at a Chinese buffet.  It has plenty of the “good fat,” or monounsaturated fat, meaning it doesn’t clog your arteries or give you gas.  Peanut butter can last a long time, so you don’t have to worry about spoilage.  Unless you’re allergic to peanuts, I’d recommend buying case loads of peanut butter.  Eating lots of it will appease the souls all those victims of human sacrifice.

Survivalist Tip: I know I’m late in getting this out, but just deal with it.  Earlier, while snacking on some crackers, I realized they are the perfect fast food.  I prefer crackers with embedded salt.  Unsalted crackers are like cardboard to me, and who the hell would want that?  Most crackers are made with unbleached flour, yeast and soybean oil and are usually fortified with iron, niacin and Vitamin B.  All of these ingredients provide can provide you with energy and stamina to protect yourself against intruders or a cantankerous spouse.  As you’re hunkered down in your home, tent, cave, or armored tank, you’ll need some viable sustenance, and crackers can provide just that.  Stockpile as many boxes of crackers as you can shortly before December 21.  They keep for a relatively long time.  Even if they start to go stale, they’re still edible.  Regrettably, they don’t go too well with chocolate, but they’re a perfect supplement to the variety of fruit you should have on hand.