As if we need any more idiots procreating, here comes some disheartening news: Paris Hilton wants to be a mom. The notorious hotel heiress recently announced – like people really wanted to hear this – that she and her boyfriend, Carter Reum, have begun in vitro fertilization.
Help us, Jesus! The welfare of civilization is at stake!
Hilton has gone through boyfriends like I’ve gone through bottles of vodka. And, as a recovering alcoholic, I should know!
Hilton stated she’d like to have twins, a boy and a girl, and that IVF is “the only way” to ensure that happens. To help her along, Hilton consulted with another longtime friend, an equally disingenuous celebrity famous for nothing else other than being incredibly wealthy – Kim Kardashian. Kardashian had given birth to twins via IVF, which, Hilton declares is something “I didn’t even know about.”
Living in that billionaire bubble, Hilton doesn’t know how most things work – like when you have to pay for your light bill or shop for food. And this chick wants to bring more of her kind into the world. Like I said – civilization is at stake.
In case you can’t get enough of rich celebrities engaging in brainless activities, Kim Kardashian has come to your rescue. Hoping to retain the “Queen of Vapid” label from Paris Hilton, Kimbalicious is coming out with a book of selfie photographs. Titled appropriately “Selfish,” the tome will be published by Rizzoli and will contain nearly 2,000 photos Kardashian took of herself in various settings and innumerable states of dress and undress.
“The selfie photography of Kim Kardashian, featuring many never-before-seen personal images from one of the most recognizable and iconic celebrities in the world,” is how Rizzoli describes the book. “Kim has become a true American icon,” Rizzoli continues. “With her curvaceous style, successful reality TV show Keeping Up with the Kardashians, DASH clothing store, makeup and perfume lines, she has acquired a massive fan following in the multi-millions. Through social media (Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook), Kim connects with her fans on a daily basis, sharing details of her life with her selfie photography. Widely regarded as a trailblazer of the “selfie movement” – a modern-day self-portrait of the digital age – Kim has mastered the art of taking flattering and highly personal photos of oneself.”
When I think of Kim Kardashian, the term “art” doesn’t come to mind, any more than the term “worthwhile” does. Aside from being the daughter of famed attorney Robert Kardashian and starring in her own reality TV series, I can’t think of one thing Kimberella has done to benefit society – other than ensuring paparazzi photographers keep getting a paycheck and providing online companionship to untold numbers of lonely computer nerds. But, that’s just me.
The book is due out in April 2015. Civilization, as we know it, is due to collapse by May of 2015.