From the ‘Who Gives a F**k’ Files

As if we need any more idiots procreating, here comes some disheartening news: Paris Hilton wants to be a mom.  The notorious hotel heiress recently announced – like people really wanted to hear this – that she and her boyfriend, Carter Reum, have begun in vitro fertilization.

Help us, Jesus!  The welfare of civilization is at stake!

Hilton has gone through boyfriends like I’ve gone through bottles of vodka.  And, as a recovering alcoholic, I should know!

Hilton stated she’d like to have twins, a boy and a girl, and that IVF is “the only way” to ensure that happens.  To help her along, Hilton consulted with another longtime friend, an equally disingenuous celebrity famous for nothing else other than being incredibly wealthy – Kim Kardashian.  Kardashian had given birth to twins via IVF, which, Hilton declares is something “I didn’t even know about.”

Living in that billionaire bubble, Hilton doesn’t know how most things work – like when you have to pay for your light bill or shop for food.  And this chick wants to bring more of her kind into the world.  Like I said – civilization is at stake.

I mean, who really gives a fuck?!

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