Angry Soul

Have you ever been so angry you literally want to scream or just destroy something?  I’ve had too many days like that, especially when I was working in a corporate environment.  That’s how I felt today.  It was truly one of Those Days.  You know the kind – when everything seems to go wrong, virtually from the start.  I won’t bore you folks with the agonizing details.  But, as it all came to a frustrating end, I can only engage in the most practical of activities: eat cheese and drink red wine.  What the hell did you expect from The Chief?!

Trick question: how do you relieve all that anger?

Traditionally I’ve retreated to my usual standbys – exercise, writing, alcohol, masturbation…things that make all the bad shit go away.  So far, I have 3 out of those 4 today.

But one of my lifelong vices has been holding onto bad stuff for a loooooong time.  Too damn long!  I didn’t just hold grudges.  I relived certain events or incidents and even conversations where I had the last word and the best ending.  The result always concluded in my favor.

Fantasy is nice – when reality is so brutally bland or appalling.

I’ve learned to save fantasy for my dreams and writing potential, which usually coalesce.  I’ve learned to let go of past events, incidents, episodes, altercations, conversations…people.  I guess that comes with age…I mean, maturity.  Understand, dear readers, I’m still holding onto middle age.  The way a drowning person holds onto a life preserver.  But holding on nonetheless.  And I resolved years ago that I would never get “old”.  Whatever the hell old is supposed to mean.  But more importantly, I’ve learned to let go of stupid shit.  It’s always held me back from achieving my grandest goals.  It can hold anyone back.

Anger is one of those elements that robs people of their emotional and psychological freedom.  I know it would be almost too easy to bemoan what a bad day I had today.  One of Those Days where EVERYTHING seemed to go wrong.  It would have been easy to be rude to a store clerk or tear out of a parking lot.  But what good would any of that have done?

I’m not proselytizing.  I hate when people do that!  Yet I’ve realized – in my maturity – that some things just go wrong on occasion.  Sometimes it’s catastrophic; other times it just irritates the living daylights out of us.

But we have to deal with it and move forward.

I’m staying home this evening – and having more red wine.

A real question: how do you handle your anger?

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