Tag Archives: frustration

Angry Soul

Have you ever been so angry you literally want to scream or just destroy something?  I’ve had too many days like that, especially when I was working in a corporate environment.  That’s how I felt today.  It was truly one of Those Days.  You know the kind – when everything seems to go wrong, virtually from the start.  I won’t bore you folks with the agonizing details.  But, as it all came to a frustrating end, I can only engage in the most practical of activities: eat cheese and drink red wine.  What the hell did you expect from The Chief?!

Trick question: how do you relieve all that anger?

Traditionally I’ve retreated to my usual standbys – exercise, writing, alcohol, masturbation…things that make all the bad shit go away.  So far, I have 3 out of those 4 today.

But one of my lifelong vices has been holding onto bad stuff for a loooooong time.  Too damn long!  I didn’t just hold grudges.  I relived certain events or incidents and even conversations where I had the last word and the best ending.  The result always concluded in my favor.

Fantasy is nice – when reality is so brutally bland or appalling.

I’ve learned to save fantasy for my dreams and writing potential, which usually coalesce.  I’ve learned to let go of past events, incidents, episodes, altercations, conversations…people.  I guess that comes with age…I mean, maturity.  Understand, dear readers, I’m still holding onto middle age.  The way a drowning person holds onto a life preserver.  But holding on nonetheless.  And I resolved years ago that I would never get “old”.  Whatever the hell old is supposed to mean.  But more importantly, I’ve learned to let go of stupid shit.  It’s always held me back from achieving my grandest goals.  It can hold anyone back.

Anger is one of those elements that robs people of their emotional and psychological freedom.  I know it would be almost too easy to bemoan what a bad day I had today.  One of Those Days where EVERYTHING seemed to go wrong.  It would have been easy to be rude to a store clerk or tear out of a parking lot.  But what good would any of that have done?

I’m not proselytizing.  I hate when people do that!  Yet I’ve realized – in my maturity – that some things just go wrong on occasion.  Sometimes it’s catastrophic; other times it just irritates the living daylights out of us.

But we have to deal with it and move forward.

I’m staying home this evening – and having more red wine.

A real question: how do you handle your anger?

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Most Unhinged Moment of the Week – May 15, 2020

“Texas’ Governor says you don’t need (expletive)!”

 – An unidentified man at a 99 Cent Only store in San Antonio, Texas, after an employee told him to wear a mask as part of company policy to prevent spread of COVID-19.

The belligerent, maskless man had charged at other customers who were recording him and even shouted at one, “Don’t record me!  That’s an invasion of my personal privacy!”

I have to make three points regarding this particular incident.  For one thing, while Texas Governor Greg Abbott hasn’t made it mandatory for people wear masks in public, he has encouraged the practice.  Also, when someone is in public – angry or not – they should have no expectation of privacy.  Finally, if you’ve ever been to a 99 Cent Only store, you should understand that the COVID-19 virus is the least potential health hazard you’ll face.

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No Synching

Dearest Followers:

Allow The Chief to pull his Stradivarius from behind the toilet paper and bathroom cleaning supplies and attempt whole-heartedly to extract a bit of sympathy from you.  This past Monday, October 21, I awoke feeling disoriented.  I can’t explain it exactly, but I simply felt…weird.  Yes, I realize you folks have come to expect that from me, especially since I’m a writer, and a troubled mindset is one of the drawbacks of the creative spirit.

I’ve encountered this sensation before – only once previously, though.  But, on this past Monday, it felt more intense and painful.  I kept feeling that anything and everything I did – no matter how small or mundane – wasn’t right.  I couldn’t open a door in the right way.  I couldn’t even pick up a piece of trash the right way.  I mean, EVERYTHING I did wasn’t right.

I keep thinking it might be related to my allergies.  The summer to fall transition is almost always the worst for me.  But, every few years, I have a period like now, where it hits harder than freight train striking a vehicle stuck on the tracks.  Simple over-the-counter and / or home-based remedies won’t help.  I have to visit my family doctor and get some high-caliber, prescribed medicine.  This year, he gave me three.  Feeling tired and lethargic comes with the territory.  I’ve always said my worst allergies follow the hurricane season in the Atlantic / Caribbean basin.  And, this time around, the storm was a Category 5.

I’m pretty much over all that mess now.  But…that overwhelming disoriented feeling.  Is that related to my allergies and / or the prescribed medicines?  I know some high-octane medicines have a myriad of potential side effects.  In fact, reading the list of side effects – diarrhea, fatigue, nausea – makes me wonder if they’re worth the trouble.  Let’s see, what do I prefer?  A runny nose or a runny ass?  Too many choices!  Like trying to find a book to read while eating cereal.

Then again, are my years of frequent alcohol consumption finally coming back to haunt me, like the fact I never attended a high school dance?  I consider myself a recovering alcoholic, but I still haven’t given it up permanently.  Smoking, yes, but I can’t resist a good screwdriver or wine cooler!  I just watch myself.

Perhaps, this is what life is like headed towards age 60 – meaning the seventh decade of my existence.  As a youth, I recall my parents – mainly my mother – opining that life begins at 40.  At that time, people, indeed, seemed to have reached the apex of happiness with family, career, etc.  Now, I hear that 50 is the new 40.  Medical advances have made it more likely people will live into their 80s and 90s.  Thus, 50 really is becoming middle age for many Americans.

I just don’t know.  But I feel friends and family are likely to scoff at me, if I mention aloud that I’m feeling incredibly disoriented.  ‘So, what’s new?’ they might say.  ‘Tell me something I DON’T know!’  Okay, okay!  You don’t have to rub it in, like sandpaper mistaken for…well, toilet paper.

I’m only putting this out there – to this audience, my faithful followers – because I’m not really ashamed of it.  It’s just frustrating and annoying.  Okay, it pisses me off!  It interferes with my daily activities.  I can’t even work on my creative writing.  That disoriented sensation blocks my artistic mind from producing anything.  So, I just go to sleep.

As with the last time this happened, I realized I just needed to stop trying so hard to understand it and merely take a shower and plunge into my bed with its 10-year-old mattress.  I’m curious to know, however, what you folks think.  Has this happened to you and, if so, how did you deal with it?  Remember, if you don’t take this seriously, we’ll hear about more drama from the British royal family!

Image: Gary Larson, “The Far Side”

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