Tag Archives: anger

Angry Soul

Have you ever been so angry you literally want to scream or just destroy something?  I’ve had too many days like that, especially when I was working in a corporate environment.  That’s how I felt today.  It was truly one of Those Days.  You know the kind – when everything seems to go wrong, virtually from the start.  I won’t bore you folks with the agonizing details.  But, as it all came to a frustrating end, I can only engage in the most practical of activities: eat cheese and drink red wine.  What the hell did you expect from The Chief?!

Trick question: how do you relieve all that anger?

Traditionally I’ve retreated to my usual standbys – exercise, writing, alcohol, masturbation…things that make all the bad shit go away.  So far, I have 3 out of those 4 today.

But one of my lifelong vices has been holding onto bad stuff for a loooooong time.  Too damn long!  I didn’t just hold grudges.  I relived certain events or incidents and even conversations where I had the last word and the best ending.  The result always concluded in my favor.

Fantasy is nice – when reality is so brutally bland or appalling.

I’ve learned to save fantasy for my dreams and writing potential, which usually coalesce.  I’ve learned to let go of past events, incidents, episodes, altercations, conversations…people.  I guess that comes with age…I mean, maturity.  Understand, dear readers, I’m still holding onto middle age.  The way a drowning person holds onto a life preserver.  But holding on nonetheless.  And I resolved years ago that I would never get “old”.  Whatever the hell old is supposed to mean.  But more importantly, I’ve learned to let go of stupid shit.  It’s always held me back from achieving my grandest goals.  It can hold anyone back.

Anger is one of those elements that robs people of their emotional and psychological freedom.  I know it would be almost too easy to bemoan what a bad day I had today.  One of Those Days where EVERYTHING seemed to go wrong.  It would have been easy to be rude to a store clerk or tear out of a parking lot.  But what good would any of that have done?

I’m not proselytizing.  I hate when people do that!  Yet I’ve realized – in my maturity – that some things just go wrong on occasion.  Sometimes it’s catastrophic; other times it just irritates the living daylights out of us.

But we have to deal with it and move forward.

I’m staying home this evening – and having more red wine.

A real question: how do you handle your anger?

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Most Unhinged Moment of the Week – May 15, 2020

“Texas’ Governor says you don’t need (expletive)!”

 – An unidentified man at a 99 Cent Only store in San Antonio, Texas, after an employee told him to wear a mask as part of company policy to prevent spread of COVID-19.

The belligerent, maskless man had charged at other customers who were recording him and even shouted at one, “Don’t record me!  That’s an invasion of my personal privacy!”

I have to make three points regarding this particular incident.  For one thing, while Texas Governor Greg Abbott hasn’t made it mandatory for people wear masks in public, he has encouraged the practice.  Also, when someone is in public – angry or not – they should have no expectation of privacy.  Finally, if you’ve ever been to a 99 Cent Only store, you should understand that the COVID-19 virus is the least potential health hazard you’ll face.

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No Synching

Dearest Followers:

Allow The Chief to pull his Stradivarius from behind the toilet paper and bathroom cleaning supplies and attempt whole-heartedly to extract a bit of sympathy from you.  This past Monday, October 21, I awoke feeling disoriented.  I can’t explain it exactly, but I simply felt…weird.  Yes, I realize you folks have come to expect that from me, especially since I’m a writer, and a troubled mindset is one of the drawbacks of the creative spirit.

I’ve encountered this sensation before – only once previously, though.  But, on this past Monday, it felt more intense and painful.  I kept feeling that anything and everything I did – no matter how small or mundane – wasn’t right.  I couldn’t open a door in the right way.  I couldn’t even pick up a piece of trash the right way.  I mean, EVERYTHING I did wasn’t right.

I keep thinking it might be related to my allergies.  The summer to fall transition is almost always the worst for me.  But, every few years, I have a period like now, where it hits harder than freight train striking a vehicle stuck on the tracks.  Simple over-the-counter and / or home-based remedies won’t help.  I have to visit my family doctor and get some high-caliber, prescribed medicine.  This year, he gave me three.  Feeling tired and lethargic comes with the territory.  I’ve always said my worst allergies follow the hurricane season in the Atlantic / Caribbean basin.  And, this time around, the storm was a Category 5.

I’m pretty much over all that mess now.  But…that overwhelming disoriented feeling.  Is that related to my allergies and / or the prescribed medicines?  I know some high-octane medicines have a myriad of potential side effects.  In fact, reading the list of side effects – diarrhea, fatigue, nausea – makes me wonder if they’re worth the trouble.  Let’s see, what do I prefer?  A runny nose or a runny ass?  Too many choices!  Like trying to find a book to read while eating cereal.

Then again, are my years of frequent alcohol consumption finally coming back to haunt me, like the fact I never attended a high school dance?  I consider myself a recovering alcoholic, but I still haven’t given it up permanently.  Smoking, yes, but I can’t resist a good screwdriver or wine cooler!  I just watch myself.

Perhaps, this is what life is like headed towards age 60 – meaning the seventh decade of my existence.  As a youth, I recall my parents – mainly my mother – opining that life begins at 40.  At that time, people, indeed, seemed to have reached the apex of happiness with family, career, etc.  Now, I hear that 50 is the new 40.  Medical advances have made it more likely people will live into their 80s and 90s.  Thus, 50 really is becoming middle age for many Americans.

I just don’t know.  But I feel friends and family are likely to scoff at me, if I mention aloud that I’m feeling incredibly disoriented.  ‘So, what’s new?’ they might say.  ‘Tell me something I DON’T know!’  Okay, okay!  You don’t have to rub it in, like sandpaper mistaken for…well, toilet paper.

I’m only putting this out there – to this audience, my faithful followers – because I’m not really ashamed of it.  It’s just frustrating and annoying.  Okay, it pisses me off!  It interferes with my daily activities.  I can’t even work on my creative writing.  That disoriented sensation blocks my artistic mind from producing anything.  So, I just go to sleep.

As with the last time this happened, I realized I just needed to stop trying so hard to understand it and merely take a shower and plunge into my bed with its 10-year-old mattress.  I’m curious to know, however, what you folks think.  Has this happened to you and, if so, how did you deal with it?  Remember, if you don’t take this seriously, we’ll hear about more drama from the British royal family!

Image: Gary Larson, “The Far Side”


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Road Killers

I read two articles in the Dallas Morning News recently that Texas is home to two of the worst counties in the nation for road rage accidents: Bexar (which comprises San Antonio) and Dallas.  I was surprised.  You mean, Dallas isn’t number one?  Anyone who lives in the Dallas / Fort Worth metropolitan area can feel my pain.  It’s one of the largest and most populous in the U.S.  Both cities are ringed by suburbs with impressive populations.  The entire region is commuter-based.  And, that’s the crux of the problem.  There are too many people on roads and highways that are in a constant state of repair.  I guess you could point to overpopulation as a factor in that mess.  And, no one wants to take what little mass transportation there is.  The Dallas Area Rapid Transit (DART) system has spent decades trying to convince people to use their services.  But, in 1996, when they opened their train line from North Dallas to downtown, I laughed.  The Japanese already had a train that topped 200 miles per hour.  Dallas had one that looked like a glorified toy ornament.  In fact, I called it the ‘DART choo choo train.’

But, it’s not so much congestion and road work.  It’s how people drive.  They’ve become assholes in recent years.  Cell phones count as one of the greatest technological inventions of the 20th century.  But now, they pose a health hazard.  People who talk while driving run the risk of either hurting someone in a wreck, or getting their head blown off because they forgot there’s a turn signal on their vehicle.

It’s easy to get pissed off while driving in traffic.  People do the stupidest things.  I’ve leaned on my own horn more than a few times.  I’ve come close to dropping into road rage hysterics more times than I can count.  Sometimes, I honestly wish I had a gun – just for show.  Seriously!  Just to hold it up and let that idiot on a cell phone know I have it.  I must admit I have anger issues.  But, that’s mainly because I’m not a people person and because most people are jerks – especially when they get behind the wheel.

I feel rather secure in my big black Dodge Ram 1500 truck.  The driver of one of those new eco-cars tried to get tough with me, while traveling up I-35 a few years back.  I have ‘Hot Wheels’ bigger than those stupid things.  I hated to give in to someone else’s stupidity (I really do!), but this guy deserved it, as I cut back in front of him and slammed on my brakes.

Not long after I had foot surgery in 2007, I headed to another follow-up appointment; my first since getting off crutches and into a walking boot.  Some idiot in a sedan weaved in and out of traffic, as if she had designed and built the road, cutting in front of me and I don’t know how many other drivers – more than once.  When I cut back in front of her – just to show her other people can be assholes, too – she had the audacity to get pissed off.  When I stopped at a left turn red light, she got out of her car and stormed up towards my truck.  Here I am – my still-damaged foot encased in a walking boot – and some bitch wanted to start a fight.  But, I quickly grabbed my old truck club and hopped out onto my right foot.  Turning to face her, truck club held up like a ninja sword, I was ready for battle.  She was a big girl, too.  I’m barely 5’8,” but none of that stopped me.  I was already in a bad mood because of that foot.  I didn’t want to reinjure it stuffing up her crotch or her ass.  She stopped when she me holding up that club / sword and approach her.  We exchanged nasty verbiage; the words “asshole,” “bitch,” “fuck” somehow wound their way into the terse dialogue, before she retreated to her car.  I scribbled down her license plate number, as I’m sure she did mine, and thought of calling 911.  But, I had to get to that doctor’s appointment.

The North Texas Transit Authority (NTTA) tells people to drive nice and be considerate of others on the road.  That sentiment worked well in the immediate aftermath of 09/11, when everyone realized how precious life is.  Now that the compassion has worn off, people have gone back to being…well, people – assholes.  Drive friendly?  Well – I do most of the time.  I really do!  I use my turn signal.  I don’t tailgate.  I try to keep my middle finger in its place between its brothers.  But, it’s so DAMN HARD!  Have a nice day.  And, use your freaking turn signal!

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