Tag Archives: mermaids

Maidens of the Medieval Seas

Two years ago the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration declared once and for all that mermaids – now known by the politically correct term of “aquatic humanoids” – do not exist. But, considering that tales of the luscious watery vixens have existed for eons, it’s not likely people will stop believing in them any time soon. Drunken sailors notwithstanding, these mythical figures have appeared in Paleolithic (Stone Age) cave drawings, dating some 30,000 years ago. They also show up in stories from the Orient where they were the wives of sea dragons; in Australian Aboriginal folklore where they were often called “yawkyawks”; and, of course, in Homer’s classic “The Odyssey.”

Mermaids took on a more evil persona in medieval Europe where – not surprisingly – the Roman Catholic Church viewed them as the diabolical spawn of Eve; proof, they declared from their ivory towers, that women were harbingers of doom. Drawings of the creatures during this period often show them with mirrors and combs; both signs of vanity and lust. But, there are plenty of them! It seems that, while mermaids were viewed with some level of disdain, they still fascinated scores of medieval artists.

Depiction of Atargatis, chief goddess of Northern Syria, from the medieval text “Oedipus Aegyptiacus,” 1652.

Depiction of Atargatis, chief goddess of Northern Syria, from the medieval text “Oedipus Aegyptiacus,” 1652.

A stone replica of Atargatis who is considered the Syrian counterpart to the Greek Aphrodite.

A stone replica of Atargatis who is considered the Syrian counterpart to the Greek Aphrodite.

Mermaid in the margins of “Calendarium, Decretals of Gregory IX,” a medieval text now housed in the British Museum.

Mermaid in the margins of “Calendarium, Decretals of Gregory IX,” a medieval text now housed in the British Museum.

Wood carving of a mermaid on a bench in the Church of St. Senara, in the village of Zennor, West Cornwall, England.

Wood carving of a mermaid on a bench in the Church of St. Senara, in the village of Zennor, West Cornwall, England.

Stone delineation of a mermaid in the Monastery of Santa Maria in Ripoll, Spain, which was founded in A.D. 879.

Stone delineation of a mermaid in the Monastery of Santa Maria in Ripoll, Spain, which was founded in A.D. 879.

A mermaid on the roof of Exeter Cathedral in Exeter, England, c. 1400.

A mermaid on the roof of Exeter Cathedral in Exeter, England, c. 1400.

From the Cathédrale Sainte-Eulalie-et-Sainte-Julie d’Elne in Elne, France, which was consecrated in A.D. 1069.

From the Cathédrale Sainte-Eulalie-et-Sainte-Julie d’Elne in Elne, France, which was consecrated in A.D. 1069.

From the Church of Arles Saint Trophime in Arles, France, built between the 14th and 15th centuries A.D.

From the Church of Arles Saint Trophime in Arles, France, built between the 14th and 15th centuries A.D.

Mermaid spearing a man’s heart in “Book of the Holy Trinity,” 15th century Germany, München, Bayerische Staatsbibliothek, Cgm 598, fol. 2r.

Mermaid spearing a man’s heart in “Book of the Holy Trinity,” 15th century Germany, München, Bayerische Staatsbibliothek, Cgm 598, fol. 2r.

Mermaid and dolphin in the “Roman Book of Hours,” late 15th century, made in either Venice or Padua, Italy.

Mermaid and dolphin in the “Roman Book of Hours,” late 15th century, made in either Venice or Padua, Italy.

Pendant (enameled gold, pearls, diamonds and rubies) of a mermaid from Germany, c. 1580 – 1590, housed at the Museo degli argenti, Florence, Italy.

Pendant (enameled gold, pearls, diamonds and rubies) of a mermaid from Germany, c. 1580 –
1590, housed at the Museo degli argenti, Florence, Italy.

Mermaids besiege a ship and its crew in another medieval text.

Mermaids besiege a ship and its crew in another medieval text.

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Federal Government: Mermaids Don’t Exist

After years of study and millions of dollars, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) finally confirmed one of my worst fears: mermaids do NOT exist.  Damn!  Now, we have one less reason to save the world’s oceans.  In a formal statement released last week, NOAA officials proclaimed:

“No evidence of aquatic humanoids has ever been found.”

Aquatic humanoids, sea apes, mermaids, merdudes – whatever!  We can now rest assured that, for centuries, sailors and navigators really have been hallucinating from alcohol, sun stroke, scurvy or full testicle syndrome.  Fortunately, I’ve never had scurvy, but the rest of that mess can hurt like hell!  I can’t imagine being stuck at sea, with only warm water and starfish to consume.  One reason for the unusual response is a recent program on the Animal Planet entitled “The Body Found: Mermaid Sightings Throughout History.”  It’s rife with special effects that look great on screen, but ultimately cast doubt on the veracity of the people quoted; supposed scientists who claim a government investigation proved years ago that mermaids – or “aquatic apes” – really do exist in the world’s oceans.  They also claim the U.S. Navy’s use of sonar tests in the Pacific Ocean in the late 1990’s contributed to the mass beaching of whales and other marine life – including a purported humanoid creature in Washington state.  According to anonymous sources, a pair of teenage brothers stumbled upon this creature and used a cell phone video camera to capture the moment.  The program presented what at first looked like the actual video.  But, that’s where the producers lose credibility; it’s obvious the “video” is fake.  Check out the program and judge for yourself.  I think it’d be fascinating if these creatures turned out to be real.  Then, not only will National Geographic get some great photographs, stock in Sea World will go through the roof!

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