Category Archives: Curiosities

Pig on a Stick

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Sometimes you have to do whatever it takes to keep the masses interested.  J&D’s Foods has come out with a bacon-flavored condom, a latex prophylactic that literally looks like a slab of bacon and smells like one, too.  Considering that sex produces a variety of smells – with or without condoms – this might be an improvement on one of humanity’s favorite past times.  J&D co-founder Justin Esch says the company worked with the U.S. Food and Drug Administration to ensure the condom met with safety regulations.

“The FDA is involved and there’s a lot of testing that goes on,” said Esch.  “We could have made novelty condoms, but really, what fun is that?”

Yes, of course, and what fool wouldn’t take bacon-flavored condoms seriously?  Fortunately (or maybe not), the condoms just smell like bacon, but don’t feel like it.  I mean, if you prefer your bacon extra-crispy, that might be a challenge.

This whole thing might speak to America’s obsession with greasy foods, but I’m quite certain a lot more men will suddenly want to practice safe sex.  I just wish I’d known about the testing phase, so I could have volunteered.  I’m always looking for a free meal!

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Conjugality

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The Texas state house must still be on the typewriter system.  This is an actual ad from Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott, who – like Governor Rick Perry – is the longest serving official in his respective position.  We grammar goons were quick to notice that the correct verbiage should be “is,” as in ‘Neither of which is taught in schools.’  The word ‘neither’ is singular; therefore, so should the corresponding verb.  If that’s too much for a Friday night, I understand.  In a seemingly unrelated event, Texas gets a D+ in school financing.

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Pass the tequila, but hold the picante sauce!

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In keeping with today’s theme of saints and popes, I present this piece.  A man in San Antonio, Texas claims he discovered an image of Jesus on a flour tortilla.  As a Hispanic who was raised Catholic, I have some idea of the excitement Arturo Ruiz must have felt when he opened that package and saw the Savior burnished into the compacted lard.

“I thought I was hallucinating, so I showed it to others, and everybody claimed (the tortilla) showed Jesus,” Ruiz told a local TV station earlier this month.  He had been preparing breakfast when the image apparently caught his eye.  Hard times may have blurred his thinking.  He’s facing eviction and expects his cell phone service to be cut off.  I guess that means we’ll see this beauty on Ebay some time soon.

I have to concede I love flour tortillas, too!  Don’t tell me you’re surprised!  Of the thousands I’ve eaten since 1964, though, I can’t say I’ve noticed anything out of the ordinary.  Well…there was one that looked a little like Agatha Christie holding a glass of bourbon.  Hey, what do you expect from a writer?!

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Turkish Twilight

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Amidst all the bad news about the obesity epidemic in America and ongoing starvation in Africa, here’s finally something good to report on the medical front.  A doctor in Turkey reports that he’s cured one of his patients from “clinical vampirism,” a previously-unknown condition in which the man bore an “insatiable craving for human blood.”  I thought they were called UFC fighters, but obviously I’m not as educated as I thought.

The doctor, Direnc Sakarya, first described the case in the “Journal of Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics” in 2011:

“A 23-year-old married male (3rd of 6 siblings) presented with a 2-year history of ‘addiction’ to drinking blood.  He used to cut his arms, chest, and abdomen with razor blades to collect the blood in a cup and to drink it.  The initial interest in drinking his own blood had subsequently turned to that of others.’  These ‘crises’ were characterized by a strong urge to drink blood immediately, ‘as urgent as breathing.’  He enjoyed the smell and taste of blood despite finding this ‘foolish.’  He also enjoyed biting wounds of others to taste flesh.  He was arrested several times after attacking people by stabbing and biting them with the intention of collecting and drinking their blood.  He forced his father to obtain blood from blood banks.”

I guess I could be classified as a ‘Cuba Libre’ vampire, since I have an insatiable craving for Bacardi and will attack most anyone who looks like they’re holding a particularly delicious double.  Fortunately, I’m not married, but I do order out on occasion, which means I can get away with a lot.

This “clinical vampirism” thing must throw a kink into the “Twilight” series.  If the patient was a teenage girl, I’d just chalk it up to bad parenting.  But, this cretin left untold numbers of victims in his wake, so it’s a good thing he not only stopped but has been treated successfully.  I mean, do you think Dr. Drew could top that?  Regardless, I think the patient could earn some handsome profits off this tale.  And, what book agent (wait for it) wouldn’t want to take a bite out of that?!

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Hold That Thought!

I’ve seen most presidential State of the Union addresses since before I was a teenager, as well as the opposing political party’s (usually pathetic) response afterwards.  But, after last night’s address, I’ve never seen a rebuttal interrupted by an otherwise innocuous bottle of water.  More than halfway into his diatribe, Sen. Marco Rubio’s throat apparently dried up and – trying to be as coy and inconspicuous as possible – he carefully reached for the water, his big bright eyes still trained on the teleprompter just a few feet away.  Personally, I would have reached for a wine cooler, or a Red Bull, but I’m just different like that.  I know Rubio will never be able to live that down.  But, it made for a good laugh.  And, I’ll always drink to that!

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Speaking of Politics and Bowls!

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Courtesy Maxine and “Crabby Road.”

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A Box of Cupcakes Helps the Medicine Go Down

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Courtesy “All Nurses Rock.”

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Strumming

“Sometimes when I play the guitar, I feel like I am dancing with God.  And although I step on her toes from time to time, she is content to let me lead.”

Anonymous

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Photo courtesy Guitar Monk.

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Old Wood and a Bottle of Booze

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I just thought this was funny.  Fellow blogger Travel Spirit (Sherry) took this picture in a gift shop in Tarpon Springs, Florida.  The figure reminds me of a close friend who has a moustache, loves Jack Daniels and used to smoke Camel cigarettes.  He also practically grew up in the Florida panhandle, visiting the area often as a kid.  He said – with the exception of the cigarette – the image is true to him: hard as wood and loving Jack Daniels.  That’s all the visual I’m sure any of us needs!  Thanks, Sherry!

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What Santa’s Doing Right About Now

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December 26, 2012 · 12:13 AM