November 24, 2012 – 27 Days Until Baktun 12

Survivalist Tip:  You can’t have water and air purifiers in your home if you don’t have a generator.  Remember, the utility companies will malfunction with the sudden shift in the Earth’s axes.  While that may be a good thing – since they’ll pretty much get what they deserve after years of screwing you with bloated rates and miscellaneous service charges – you’ll otherwise be out of luck.  But, that generator must be battery-powered.  A generator will keep some necessary appliances functioning smoothly, such as water purification units, floor fans, heaters and coffee machines.  Besides, the low-frequency humming sound a generator creates will keep away undesirable creatures, like insects, rats and anyone from the power company who survives the upheaval and hopes to collect on your electricity bill.

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Writer Philip Roth Is Frustrated – and Retires

After more than 6 decades of writing, Philip Roth has become weary of the frustrations and decided to stop.  “The struggle with writing is over,” he scribbled onto a Post-It note that he affixed to his computer.  Roth, who will turn 80 in March 2013, has penned some 31 books since 1959, when he published Goodbye, Columbus and Five Short Stories.  Apparently, he’s had enough – whatever that’s supposed to mean to a writer.

Roth actually made the decision to retire 2 years ago, after completing Nemesis, about a polio epidemic that struck his hometown of Newark, New Jersey in 1944.

“I didn’t say anything about it because I wanted to be sure it was true,” he told The New York Times last week.  “I thought, ‘Wait a minute, don’t announce your retirement and then come out of it.’  I’m not Frank Sinatra.  So I didn’t say anything to anyone, just to see if it was so.”

As with many people, though, his health is an issue.  He had back surgery this past April continues to heal with regular exercise.  But, he apparently feels that could have a negative impact on his writing.  “I know I’m not going to write as well as I used to.  I no longer have the stamina to endure the frustration.  Writing is frustration — it’s daily frustration, not to mention humiliation. It’s just like baseball: you fail two-thirds of the time.”

“I can’t face any more days when I write five pages and throw them away,” he added.  “I can’t do that anymore.”

Perhaps I shouldn’t be critical, since I haven’t published anything outside of this blog yet.  But, I can’t imagine retiring from writing.  Like politics, it seems to be something people can do forever.  Writing, of course, actually has a purpose.  My mother retired at age 70 from a half century in the insurance business.  My father was forcibly retired in 1994 from a printing company where he’d worked for more than 30 years.  Neither misses their jobs, even though it left both with bitter memories.  I don’t miss the engineering company that laid me off 2 years ago, in part because of the crap I had to put up with there at the end.  I don’t know anyone who’d miss, say, working at a sewage plant or a coal mine.  People may miss their coworkers or the camaraderie that comes from the friendships they develop.  But, no one really longs for the work itself.  The writing life is ideal for me.  Enjoying something while making money at it?  That’s not working!

But, Roth wants to clarify one thing.  “I do not believe the novel is dying.  I said the readership is dying out.  That’s a fact, and I’ve been saying it for 15 years.  I said the screen will kill the reader, and it has.  The movie screen in the beginning, the television screen and now the coup de grâce, the computer screen.”

In that regard, I couldn’t agree with him more.

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In Memoriam – Larry Hagman, 1931 – 2012

Actor Larry Hagman, best known for his roles on the TV series I Dream of Jeannie and Dallas died Friday morning, November 23.  He was 81.  He died after complications from throat cancer.  Born in Weatherford, Texas on September 21, 1931, Hagman was the son of actress Mary Martin who had a lengthy stage and film career.

After a stint in the U.S. Air Force, Hagman moved to New York and landed a role on the daytime drama The Edge of Night.  But, his popularity soared when he landed the role of an astronaut who discovers a genie in a bottle on I Dream of Jeannie in 1965.  Barbara Eden portrayed the genie.  Hagman rejuvenated his fame as the villainous oilman J.R. Ewing with Dallas, a prime time soap opera that premiered on CBS in 1978.

Hagman’s off-screen persona was even more eccentric.  In 1967, rock musician David Crosby turned him on to LSD, which Hagman said took away his fear of death, and Jack Nicholson introduced him to marijuana because Nicholson thought he was drinking too much.  When he first met actress Lauren Bacall, he licked her arm because he had been told she did not like to be touched and he was known for leading parades on the Malibu beach and showing up at a grocery store in a gorilla suit.  Above his Malibu home Hagman flew a flag with the statement “Vita Celebratio Est (Life Is a Celebration).”

By the 1990s, however, Hagman’s hard lifestyle caught up with him.  He developed liver cancer and cirrhosis.  He says he began drinking alcohol as a teenager and didn’t stop until 1992, when a doctor informed him he had cirrhosis.  He also claimed he drunk up to 4 bottles of champagne daily for more than a decade, including during his stint on Dallas.

In July 1995, he was diagnosed with liver cancer, which led him to quit smoking, and a month later he underwent a liver transplant.
After giving up his vices, Hagman said he did not lose his zest for life.  “It’s the same old Larry Hagman,” he told a reporter.  “He’s just a littler sober-er.”

In his later years, Hagman became an advocate for organ transplants and campaigned against smoking.  Hagman told the New York Times that, after his death, he wanted his remains to be “spread over a field and have marijuana and wheat planted and harvest it in a couple of years and then have a big marijuana cake, enough for 200 to 300 people.  People would eat a little of Larry.”

I have my own personal Larry Hagman story.  I met him and actress Linda Gray on the set of a Dallas episode in 1987.  I was an extra, appearing as a waiter in a banquet scene where a man professing to be “J.R. Ewing’s” father suddenly appeared to announced he was still alive after being presumed dead.  I held a platter of caviar, while standing near a table where Hagman and Gray were seated.  Gray asked me how long I’d been holding the platter.  “Well, they should be about ready to hatch,” I replied.  She and Hagman burst into laughter.  They were both actually very polite – and much taller than I’d imagined either to be.  That’s when I thought of being an actor, but decided writing was more important.

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November 23, 2012 – 28 Days Until Baktun 12

Survivalist Tip:  I’ve stated repeatedly throughout this year that the start of the new Baktun will be accompanied by a switch in the Earth’s axes.  Among many things, this will cause an abrupt disruption in the atmosphere, and the air will become filled with impurities.  We don’t know how long this will last, so you must have an air purifier in your home.  Cleaning up the air within your home will help to prevent such easily-transmittable ailments as tuberculosis, measles, influenza and gingivitis.  It’s a somewhat expensive investment, but priceless considering it could be a life saver.  Good air will also give you enough strength to ward off any politicians or rap stars who might have survived and will try to break into your home for the air quality.

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Malicious Mesquite Mall Melee

Here’s yet another reason why “Black Friday” shopping is for the mentally-impaired.  A fight broke out at Town East Mall in Mesquite, Texas this morning.  What some people thought was a gunshot was actually a trash can slamming into the floor.  Stores need to invest in Xanax dispensers.  In fact, I think I just found a great business idea: I’ll drive down to México in mid-November and purchase as much Xanax as I possibly can; then, sell it to people waiting in line for “Black Friday” deals.  Oh my God!  I think I can pay off my student loans in a day!

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Black Friday Ops

I once worked with a woman who was excited at the thought of waking early on the Friday morning after Thanksgiving and going to Wal-Mart.  I told her she needed psychiatric help and lit a candle for her salvation when I got home that evening.

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A Different View of Thanks

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When Thanksgiving Really Matters

Please keep all our military troops around the world in mind.

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November 22, 2012 – 29 Days Until Baktun 12

Survivalist Tip:  I can’t emphasize enough that you must have water to survive.  In the aftermath of the chaos, utility companies will lose power and go off-line – which isn’t such a bad thing if you think about your water bill.  You must have a water purification system available.  Even the most basic of water purification systems will remove undesirable chemicals and toxins.  Like all of our ancestors, the ancient Mayans revered water and didn’t take it for granted.  And, in the “New Universe,” neither should you!

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First Thanksgivings

A depiction of the 1565 Augustine, Florida Thanksgiving.

Americans know the story.  The Mayflower Pilgrims – thankful to survive, first, a brutal voyage across the Atlantic and, second, a nasty winter sat down with a group of locals (a.k.a. Indians) and had a bountiful feast of food.  Like many American legends, it’s a mixture of truth and hyperbole.  But, as time progresses and historians research more, Americans are starting to realize they actually may have experienced more than just one “First Thanksgiving.”

Along with Thanksgiving, descendants of the Mayflower like to claim they established the first permanent European settlement in what is now the United States.  They’re wrong on both counts.  Long before the Mayflower even set sail, Spanish explorers had spread throughout much of present-day Latin America and what is now the southwestern U.S.  In 1565, Don Pedro Menendez de Aviles arrived in northeastern Florida.  He named the stretch of land near the inlet in honor of Augustine, a saint of the Roman Catholic Church; it was on Augustine’s feast day – August 28 – that Menendez de Aviles and his crew had sighted land.  Menendez de Aviles and his contingent of some 1,500 mostly military personnel encountered the Timucuan Indians who had occupied the region for millennia.  The Spaniards had brought pork, olive oil and wine, but the Timucuans helped them gather oysters and giant clams.  At some point immediately afterwards, the two groups feasted together.  The city eventually became St. Augustine, and today its residents declare they are home to the nation’s first Thanksgiving celebration.

At Texas’ westernmost point sits the city of El Paso, where humans first settled around 10,000 B.C.  In March of 1598, another Spanish explorer named Don Juan de Oñate led an expedition across the Chihuahua Desert, hoping to colonize regions north of the massive Rio Grande.  After a 50-day trek, Oñate and his entourage of roughly 500 people, including several children, arrived in the area of contemporary El Paso.  Most were barely alive.  They’d exhausted their supplies of food and water; a rain shower saving them at one point.  Once they reach the El Paso area, though, conditions and circumstances improved.  The indigenous Tigua Indians helped the Oñate group capture wild game and fish.  After several days of recuperation, Oñate ordered a feast to venerate the expedition’s survival.  On April 30, 1598, the Spaniards and the Tiguas celebrated together.

A member of the expedition wrote: “We built a great bonfire and roasted the meat and fish, and then all sat down to a repast the like of which we had never enjoyed before. . . We were happy that our trials were over; as happy as were the passengers in the Ark when they saw the dove returning with the olive branch in his beak, bringing tidings that the deluge had subsided.”

In April of 1989, the city of El Paso began honoring the Oñate celebration, laying claim to that coveted “First Thanksgiving” mantle.  But, Florida and Texas aren’t alone.

The state of Maine also stakes a claim to the “First Thanksgiving” on the basis of a service held by colonists on August 9, 1607, to give thanks for a safe voyage led by George Popham.

Connecticut may be the first state to set aside an official annual day of general thanksgiving.  Some records claim the first proclamation came on September 18, 1639.

In 1630, the Massachusetts Bay Colony observed a special day of prayer that is now often called the “First Thanksgiving.”  Even earlier in Florida, a small colony of French Huguenots living near present-day Jacksonville noted a special thanksgiving prayer.

Virginians are convinced their ancestors celebrated the first Thanksgiving when Jamestown settlers in 1610 held a religious service and a feast honoring their survival of a harsh winter.

President Abraham Lincoln may have declared the first official Thanksgiving holiday in 1863.  But, along with Connecticut, Maine, Massachusetts and Virginia, the states of New Hampshire, Rhode Island and Vermont all had annual thanksgiving observances before the 19th century.  New York joined them in 1817, and soon afterwards Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Michigan and Wisconsin followed.

Centuries ago, our ancestors didn’t think much about the far future – not to the same degree we do now.  They were glad to survive one day at a time.  Feasts of thanksgiving – surviving a harsh winter, a summer, or a monsoon – were always reasons to celebrate.  Our predecessors understood how dependent they were upon the world’s natural elements; they never felt they could control the wind and the rain.  They were at nature’s mercy.  And, everyone should be thankful for that.

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