Category Archives: Essays

March 8, 2024 · 7:48 PM

Zero Credit

The image above represents something very important to me and I’m sure to most working people.  For the first time since about 2000 I have no credit card debt.  I paid off my last outstanding credit card in February and felt so ecstatic I almost had an orgasm!  Key word – “almost”.  But it’s still a great feeling.  Credit card debt has been one of my vices – along with alcohol and road rage.  Then again credit card debt has been the vice of many Americans.  Currently Americans hold approximately USD 1.13 trillion in credit card debt; an expense that worsened with the 2008 economic downturn and even more so with the COVID-19 pandemic.  (Ironically a Republican was president of the United States at the start of each fiasco, which may or may not factor into it – but that’s a different matter.)

I remember paying off a massive amount of credit card debt in 1998, along with the truck loan I had at the time.  And I was able to stay debt free until I lost my job at a bank in 2001.  Odd how those two things often coincide, isn’t it?

I always used to tell myself I just needed to earn more money.  I struggled constantly when I worked for that bank and I kept saying I should return to college and earn a degree.  I finally did that in 2007.  But after graduating in December 2008, the engineering company I was working for then couldn’t afford much in the way of salary increases because of – wait for it – the sudden economic downturn.  Damn!  Then I got laid off in the fall of 2010 and struggled somewhat as I tried to make my freelance technical writing career flourish.

But by then, I’d learned an even more important lesson: you don’t always solve money problems with money.  Indeed some people earn six and seven figure annual salaries and are always in debt.  It’s true, for the most part, that middle class incomes have shrunk considerably since the late 1970s; that is, in relation to the overall cost of living.  A few years ago economic statisticians finally confirmed what the rest of us lowly working class drones already knew – “trickle down” economics doesn’t work!  It never has and it never will.  Yet conservative politicians keep pushing that theory onto the masses, and many people keep falling for it.  That’s why I say my brain is too big to be conservative – with all due respect to my conservative friends and relatives.

In high school I was forced to take algebra and geometry and later wondered what purpose either discipline served.  Other than knowing the shortest distance between two objects is a straight line, I feel that the ability to balance a checkbook and figure out percentages (so you know how much to tip the bartender) are the only truly essential math.  Budgeting should be included.  It’s good to know how long a light year is, but it’s more important to realize that it’s not worth having a savings account if you have more in credit card debt.  Two plus two is so hard for some folks to figure out.

Regardless I’m glad I don’t have to wait for that zombie apocalypse to wipe out my credit card debt.  Reality is often better.

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March 1, 2024 · 9:10 PM

Having Wes and Leo

Leo – in typical feline fashion – trying to remain calm, while adapting to his new surroundings.

A couple of months ago I made a major decision.  I decided to move my Uncle Wes* and his cat, Leo, in with me.  Wes is my mother’s younger brother.  He served in the U.S. Army in the 1960s and has been married only once; no children.  A proverbial wild man, he’s led a rough life and is now paying the price for it.  Bringing him here was no lightweight decision for me.  No one else has lived here with me since my mother died in June of 2020.  And Leo has the unique distinction of being the very first feline to step foot into this house.  Outside of the occasional stray cat venturing into the back yard, no cat has ever been in here.  Twenty years ago I underwent a formal allergy test and learned – as I’d long suspected – that I’m allergic to ragweed, mountain cedar and cat dander – among other things.  Other things include stupid people, but that’s a different essay.

Despite not being a people person, I guess it’s my nature to want to help people who sometimes can’t fend for or take care of themselves.  As cynical as I’ve become in my seven decades on Earth, a smattering of humanity still lurks deep within my soul.  Besides, I prefer to care for those closest to me.  I couldn’t stand the thought of Wes spending his remaining years in a state of uncertainty.  Like anyone who’s lived into adulthood, he’s made his share of mistakes.

Wes had been living in a dumpy, one-bedroom, one-bath apartment with no washer and dryer in a neighboring Dallas suburb.  Fortunately the laundry facility stood next door, but in an increasingly cashless society, he was frequently searching for quarters.  He had three cats at one point, but Leo is the only surviving one left.  On at least two occasions in the past year he fell in his apartment and couldn’t get back up.

Shortly after my mother died in June of 2020, a close friend told me my parents probably forgave me for never getting married and having children of my own; considering how I cared for them in their final years.  Perhaps because I’ve often wondered how – being an only child – I would have handled their health problems if I’d had a spouse and kids.  My paternal grandmother was fortunate; with seven adult children in her senior years, someone could always look out for her.

Thus, I have to think of what might happen to me if I get to be that age.  My grandmother was 97 when she died, and both my parents lived into their 80s.  Wes just turned 84.

I’m lucky if I hear from one of my first cousins and I only know a few of my neighbors.  I’ve heard plenty of horror stories of elderly and/or disabled people dyeing alone in their homes and lay undiscovered for weeks or even months.

In early 1991 I recall reading one chilling report from a town in Massachusetts – police had discovered the remains of an elderly woman in her home.  The most shocking fact of the case to me was that officials believe she died in July of 1989 because that’s when her banking transactions ceased.  Another startling attribute was that she had two adult children.  Her son admitted, however, that they’d been estranged from their mother for years.  Neighbors also emphasized what a recluse the woman was.  But, I asked myself, how could someone lie dead in their home for nearly two years before being found?

I’m a recluse; always have been and always will be an introvert.  I used to loathe that, but now I cherish it.  It’s just who I am.  The aforementioned friend had also noted years earlier that he feared I was becoming a recluse because I rarely left the house.  My mother was still alive at the time, and I feared leaving her alone because her mind was already sinking into dementia.

Whatever happens in the future, I’m glad I could get Wes to move in here.  We get along great, and it’s actually nice having someone else in the house.  It’s also nice having an animal in the house.  I just have to keep Leo off my bed!

*Name changed

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December 29, 2023 · 10:17 PM

Well Life

In my essay last month about turning 60, I declared I’ll never get “old”.  But I also have to emphasize that I’m in a better place now than I have been in years.  Much of it, I’m sure, has to do with the job I landed this past August.  More importantly, though, I’ve realized that all I’ve endured during my seven decades on Earth hasn’t just brought me here – it’s made me who I am.  We all base our views of reality on our own life experiences, and it’s something that none of us can change.  It’s just a natural progression of life.

But, while we can never change what happened way back when – one vice that has always personally tormented me – we can make use of those experiences and go forward.  We have to move ahead.  We have no choice.

For me, I’m feeling the same way now that I did around the turn of the century.  Over a decade ago – as I reflected on my life to date – I recalled the excitement of the new century and the new millennium.  Overall, the 1990s was the best decade of my life – even now!  I had come into my own as a person; finally understanding that I’m better than even I realized at the time.  I don’t want to sound like a talk show victim, but I grew up shy and introverted; characteristics that carried into my adulthood.  I didn’t boast the same level of self-esteem as my parents – something they never could understand.  Making friends was easy for them, but it was a chore for me.

By the 1990s, however, I had come to realize I didn’t need a large gallery of friends to be whole and complete.  And eventually I accepted my introverted personality as perfectly normal for me.  Two years ago I got into a heated text message debate with a long-time acquaintance who insinuated my introverted nature is a sign of mild autism.  Excuse me?  He worked in the mental health field, so he knew all about those things.  I’m a tech writer, so I’m not familiar with autism. Yet to me, it’s one step above mental retardation.  I was offended – and shocked that he would make that assumption about me.  We were cyber-friends and had communicated for years.  But although we’d never met in person, I had believed he knew me well enough to understand who I am.  He kept trying to reassure me that he wasn’t labeling me as retarded; that retardation was a completely different cerebral condition.  But I remained unconvinced.

That I’ve never had many friends and I’m not a fan of my fellow humans is no indication of a mental disorder on my part.  It’s indicative that people generally have pissed me off to the point where I want little do with them.  That’s why the remote nature of this job is ideal.  I might add that my years of reading, writing, jogging and weightlifting have been extremely therapeutic for me; in other words, they prevented me from either killing myself or becoming a serial killer.

But the period from 1996 to the summer of 2001 was a time of personal renewal; a realignment of my spirituality and priorities.  The world seemed wide open, and the future looked endless.  I felt euphoric, perhaps even naïve.  I have that same feeling now, but I view it with greater caution.  I’m much older and won’t take anything for granted.  I know I have more years behind me than I do ahead of me, so I continue to pursue my various ambitions.  I’ve made it this far – thus I’m not going to give up on myself at this point.  I’ve given up on so many assorted dreams and projects in the past and almost gave up on life altogether.

And yet, I’m still here.  Everyone needs to understand they’re worth the troubles that life throws at them.  You’re all worth something.  Please understand that and keep moving forward.

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December 16, 2023 · 10:13 PM

In Force

Once again my home state of Texas has proven that it’s run by a pack of extremist right-wing morons.  In the latest attack on individual rights from the gang that claims to cherish personal freedom, State Attorney General Ken Paxton has demanded that a woman named Kate Cox must go through with her current pregnancy – a pregnancy her own doctor has already said could be detrimental to her health.  The fetus already has a confirmed disorder, and proceeding with the pregnancy could render Cox infertile.  More frightening, though, is that it could kill her.  She’s been to a local emergency room more than once over the past several weeks.  Now she’s left the state to have the abortion her doctor recommended.  Her whereabouts remain unknown – and for good reason.

When they first established these medieval abortion laws over a year ago, the self-righteous Paxton and Texas Governor Greg Abbott declared they would prosecute both any woman who had an abortion that didn’t meet their limited approval guidelines and anyone who aided in the procedure.  That means anyone who so much as gave a ride to a woman to an abortion clinic or funded the procedure could be fined imprisoned.  Yes!  I’m not making up this shit!  Someone please remind me what century we’re in right now.

Cox was so desperate she filed an appeal to the Texas State Supreme Court.  But, of course, that all-Republican body denied her request.  Once again, the woman’s life was in danger.  Her doctor said as much!  But these sanctimonious politicians have announced clearly they think they know better.  They fully believe their comprehension of the law transfers to the medical arena.

I honestly feel they’re suffering from perception delusion – a genuine psychological disorder in which an individual believes their perception of the world around them is real and authentic; that they – and only they – understand what’s going on and everyone else is unaware of the truth.  It’s akin to schizophrenia.

Let me put it in the more common vernacular: they’re fucked up.

It’s absolutely appalling these people think they know better about someone’s health and medical condition than that individual’s physician.  Many medical practitioners are already leaving the state of Texas because of the abortion issue.  Not just abortion providers!  Many obstetricians and gynecologists, as well as those in other disciplines, don’t want to take the chance their medical expertise will be questioned and vilified.

Quite frankly, if I had the money, I would have funded both Cox’s voyage out of Texas and her procedure.  I would have even funded her legal defense should the state come after her, as if she was a drug trafficker – which I’m sure they will!

In the 1960s, a group of women calling themselves the “The Jane Collective” established an underground network of abortion providers in the U.S.  Operating much like the “Underground Railroad” of the 19th century, the “Janes” worked with known abortionists throughout the nation to help women in the midst of distressed pregnancies.  In the spring of 1969, I was 5 years old, and my parents introduced me to a young woman named Carla*.  I remember her as a petite, strawberry blonde who told me, at one point, that – if she ever had a little boy – she hoped he’d be like me.  She stayed with us for a couple of days before she inexplicable (to me) disappeared.  We lived in a two-bedroom apartment above a garage behind a house owned by my father’s older sister and her husband.  It was where I grew up, until we moved to suburban Dallas at the end of 1972.  I was about 12 or 13 when I remembered Carla and asked my mother about her.  Who was she and why was she there?  My mother – who never held back the truth – told me everything.  Carla was about 18 and she was pregnant – and she didn’t want her parents to know.  One of my mother’s female colleagues was part of the “Jane” group, and my very progressive mother – a woman who once slapped a Roman Catholic nun who had slapped her younger brother and told a priest she would NOT have a bunch of children per the Church’s directive – agreed to help.  She had to talk my father into it.  Carla stayed with us for a couple of days before she was spirited away.  We never saw her again and never knew what became of her.

Around the turn of the century, when I was in my 30s, I was having lunch with my parents one Sunday afternoon, when the subject of abortion arose.  I brought up Carla again.  This time my father was in the room and substantiated my mother’s recounting of the events that spring so long ago.  They both wondered what had happened to Carla, and so did I.  I can only hope she was able to get her life in order and go on to have the family she might have wanted.

No one has the right to dictate what someone does with their own body and health.  That’s why I’m so opposed to male circumcision, for example, which is a similar issue.  Everyone has the right to the dignity of determining their own fate in life.  Neither politics nor religion should ever interfere with that.

*Name changed.

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November 10, 2023 · 8:37 PM

I Miss You, My Friend

As my 60th birthday approached last weekend, I thought of an old friend who had a birthday at the end of October.  We haven’t actually spoken in years and last communicated via Facebook.  But I don’t have any contact with him now.

Because of Donald Trump.

Max* was an interesting character.  Born into a large familiar from Eastern Europe, he lived in a number of different places because of his father’s career.  All of that afforded him not just an extraordinary education but an incredible life experience.  He became well-versed in the arts and humanities; a polyglot who could communicate with most anyone.

I admired him on many levels; even envied him.  Just listening to him made me feel smarter.  We discussed a number of issues; seeming to solve all the world’s most vexing problems.

Then Donald Trump entered the fray of politics, and I watched almost helplessly as Max descended into the madness of right-wing extremism.  I tried to remain reasonable; thinking it was something of a phase.  Max couldn’t be this delusional, I told myself; he’s too much of an intellect to be persuaded by this charlatan of a man.

But my thoughts – nearly prayer-like after a while – had no effect.  Max remained a devout Trumpist.  I realized he’d been seduced when he posted a portrait of Francisco Franco, the long-serving Spanish dictator, to his Facebook page.  I’ve often referred to Franco as Western Europe’s last totalitarian ruler; an autocrat who suppressed political dissent and an open media.  Trump reminded me of him – someone who despised his critics and launched vocal tirades against them to state his point.  His contemporaries included Brazil’s Jair Bolsarano and Hungary’s Viktor Orbán.  When Max posted that photo of Franco, I was appalled.  I guess I shouldn’t have been so upset, but it genuinely shocked me.  I quickly pointed out Franco’s dismal record on basic democratic principles and human rights, but a written response on a social media site is almost pointless.  Max had already fallen for the Trump rhetoric and seemed to concur with some of it.  When Trump referred to some African nations as “shithole countries”, for example, Max noted he’d lived in Africa briefly during his youth and could identify with Trump’s description of the region.

“Really, bro?” I replied at one point.

But again – pointless.

How do you persuade someone who’s consumed that proverbial Kool-Aid?  Long answer: education and persuasion.  Short answer: you don’t.  As smart as Max is, I honestly didn’t know what overture would be appropriate.  So…I just let it all go.

I genuinely hate that sensation – ending a friendship because of political opinions.  I’d never had that experience before.  Friends have died or simply faded into their lives, but I’ve never had one dissipate because of politics.

This past Saturday, November 4, another close friend, Preston*, treated me to lunch for my birthday.  As with Max, he and I often engaged in cerebral conversations, which I absolutely love.  I’ve known Preston much longer than I knew Max.  Our exchange migrated to politics and the 2020 election.  Preston is a Trump voter, but he doesn’t appear to be a devout loyalist.  Still, he feels fraud prevailed in the last presidential election.  I feel it prevailed in the 2016 election and highlighted that Trump didn’t win the popular vote.

“I have to respectfully disagree,” he said.

I looked at him and mentioned by former friend Max and what happened with us.  “Dude!” I said.  “I’ve already lost one friend because of political differences!  I’ll be damned if lose another!  Especially you!”

I told Preston I love and respect him too much to let politics drive a wedge between us.  So, we dropped the matter and moved on to other things.

I miss you, my friend Max.  I genuinely miss you and your views on the world and hearing you talk about your life experiences.  But you made the choice to become blinded by the rantings of a pathological madman; you caused this division between us.  I’m certain you’re not exactly upset or mortified – and quite frankly neither am I.

I just hate to see a good friend fade away in the morass of politics.

*Name changed

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November 5, 2023 · 12:19 AM

The Chief at 60

Yes, the Chief has officially reached the seventh decade of his life!  I guess, at this point, I’m supposed to feel “old”.  But I damn sure don’t!  Not really.  I mean I can’t eat like I did even twenty-five years ago, and my knees are definitely paying the price from decades of jogging.  And I know full well that I now have more years behind me than ahead of me.  But I’m still here!

Each decade of life is a major milestone, and I’m very fortunate to make it this far – especially considering I lost a close friend, David, this past April.  That came a year after I lost another long-time friend, Paul.  Paul was 55, and David was just days away from his 50th birthday.

Therefore, I’m so glad to make it this far.  I’m also happy to say I’m at a good place in life – feeling better than I have in years.  I just started a full-time job this past August; surprising considering I was 59 and hadn’t been employed like that in well over a decade.  My writing is also coming along nicely.  I’ll never give up on that!

And I swear – I’ll never get “OLD”!  My body will age and eventually give out, of course.  But I’ll never let my mind and spirit get old.

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October 28, 2023 · 5:44 PM

X Matters

The U.S. Supreme Court commenced its latest term October 2, and after the previous two years of drama and shocking decisions, the American populace is wondering what’s next.  Among the upcoming decisions:

Lindke v. Freed – A case in which the Court will decide whether a public official’s social media activity can constitute state action only if the official used the account to perform a governmental duty or under the authority of his or her office.

Murray v. UBS Securities LLC – A case in which the Court will decide whether, under the Sarbanes-Oxley Act of 2002, a whistleblower must prove his employer acted with a “retaliatory intent” as part of his case in chief to succeed on a retaliation claim.

Rudisill v. McDonough – A case in which the Court will decide whether a veteran who has served two separate and distinct periods of qualifying service is entitled to receive all of the education benefits at once from programs associated with both periods of service.

United States v. Rahimi – A case in which the Court will decide whether 18 U.S.C. § 922(g)(8), which prohibits the possession of firearms by persons subject to domestic-violence restraining orders, violates the Second Amendment.  (Both domestic violence experts and gun rights supporters are closely watching this particular case.)

Vidal v. Elster – A case in which the Court will decide whether the refusal to register a trademark under 15 U.S.C. § 1052(c) violates the Free Speech Clause of the First Amendment when the mark contains criticism of a government official or public figure.

The 2022 Dobbs decision upended the long-standing belief the High Court always moves the nation forward.  It wasn’t akin to the 1954 Brown decision, which reversed the 1896 Plessy ruling.  It was such a regressive move that even legal scholars remain stunned.  Afterwards, Justice Clarence Thomas – the longest-serving member of the Court and a conservative darling – declared the Dobbs decision opened the possibility for reversals of other cases, such as Obergefell v. Hodges that legalized same-sex marriage.  Curiously he said nothing of the 1967 Loving v. Virginia case that legalized interracial marriage.  (Thomas is currently married to a White chick.)

As upsetting as the Dobbs decision was, I know the case that will galvanize Americans; that is, the decision that – if reversed – will incite a revolution.  It is the one case that will drive Americans into the voting booth more than abortion, education, guns, queers or voting itself – Miller v. California, the 1972 decision that technically legalized pornography.  (Also see United States v. Reidel.) Yes, among all the sentient issues plaguing our modern society, denying people the right to view sexual activity will culminate in a revolution that could rival the collapse of the Roman Empire.  In the mid-1980s, President Ronald Reagan – perhaps still angry about the Miller decision – launched a war on pornography.  His then-Attorney General, Edwin Meese, commissioned associates to investigate the adult film industry under the guise of protecting children, which is indeed a noble effort.  But in reality, Reagan’s self-righteous demeanor drove his efforts to limit free speech; to stifle those who dared to disagree with him.  We saw much of the same two decades ago as critics of President George W. Bush were assailed.  Both extremist conservatives and liberals just don’t like when people have something negative to say about their lifestyles.  The same groups don’t have any problem, though, dictating what’s appropriate for others.  Conservatives, in particular, don’t like anything sexual.  It sends them into epileptic fits.

Regardless I can assure everyone that any U.S. Supreme Court assault on pornography will be taken seriously.  It has a lot to do with finances.  As of 2022, the adult film industry in the U.S. profited about $97 billion.  And that kind of money buys a certain amount of power.

The Reagan Administration failed to shut down pornography in the U.S.  Despite the AIDS epidemic, the adult film industry forged ahead in the 1980s and continued growing.  And I can assure even the most ardent of conservatives can’t stop it.  Then again, many of those same conservatives often view pornographic material – they just won’t admit it.  They really can’t because it would undermine their own limited credibility.

No matter what happens with the High Court, I doubt few other matters will resonate with voters as the X factor.  There are few things more obscene to me than war and unfettered censorship.

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October 20, 2023 · 10:50 PM

Oh, Hell No!

“It’s way beyond ironic that a place called the Holy Land is the location of the fiercest, most deeply felt hatred in the world.”

George Carlin

The Middle East – once again – is in turmoil.  Then again, the sky is blue, so tell me something I DON’T know.  Early on October 7, Hamas terrorists unexpectedly decided to attack a music festival in southern Israel.  The calamity resulted in the deaths of thousands of people, in what Israeli officials dub “Israel’s 9/11”.  It was the latest salvo in the millennia old conflict between Arabs and Jews in the region.  And the perpetually high tensions are only intensifying.

Israel severed utility services to the Gaza Strip where over two million Palestinians are crammed into a tiny area in apartheid-like conditions.  Meanwhile, Hamas is holding several Jewish hostages.  It’s a nasty stalemate with no viable end.

As usual, though, the United States has gotten involved by showing unmitigated support for Israel.  But President Joe Biden has gone even further and ordered two Navy aircraft carrier groups into the eastern Mediterranean to assist Israel with intelligence and reconnaissance.  Now comes word that Biden may actually send U.S. ground troops into the region to provide further backing in the form of advice and medical assistance.  That’s how our involvement in Vietnam got started more than six decades ago.  And to that I say hell no!

U.S. military involvement in the Israeli – Hamas imbroglio will only result in more animosity towards the U.S. from the Arab world.  In case anyone forgot, our most recent entanglement in the Middle East resulted in the deaths of millions of people.  Coming out of the tragedy of 9/11, we had a cowboy president who was aching to run out and bomb places.  That conflict – the Iraq War – was launched purely to gain access to the country’s valuable natural resources.  It was blood for oil.

If the U.S. sends ground troops into Israel, it will just be lots of blood.  And it won’t stop the relentless animosity that plagues the region.  Something else will erupt between the warring sides in the future.  That particular part of the globe has been a super-volcano of human interaction and for one primary reason – religion.  The Middle East is the birth place of the world’s three largest theologies – Judaism, Christianity and Islam.  In other words, it’s a crime scene.

Hamas is definitely a terrorist group – and a cowardly one at that.  They hide among the innocent civilians of the Palestinian populace; people they swear to support but who are also captives.  But Israel isn’t exactly innocent.  Like the United States, Israel was established primarily by White Europeans seeking religious freedom who displaced many of the indigenous residents.

Ironically, though, because that area is the cradle of Judaism and Islam, people of both faiths can genuinely claim it as their homeland.  Supposedly Israel has proposed a two-state solution for decades, which Palestinians have allegedly rejected.

I have to highlight that Israel is the only true democracy in the Middle East.  They maintain the highest standard of living and the lowest infant mortality in the region.  I mean, Israeli women can drive and vote and don’t have to dress up like beekeepers when they leave home!

Regardless, I don’t know why level heads won’t prevail amidst the anxiety and honestly I really don’t care.  The hate between both groups is like space – it’s infinite and never-ending.  I truly wish, though, they would stop fighting and start talking.  But because the bitterness has simmered for centuries and because religion is at the crux of it all, I just don’t see that happening within our lifetime.

Either way I just don’t want the U.S. to get militarily involved.  That will solve nothing!  It never has.

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September 29, 2023 · 7:28 PM

This Old Thing

The Yorx electronic clock/radio in the photo above is one my parents bought for me just before I started high school – in 1978.  It has been functioning ever since.  Except for a few instances in which I transported it from one location to another, that clock has been plugged in and operating almost continuously.  The radio doesn’t get much reception anymore, but the buzzer is still loud and perfectly operational.  To put all that into perspective, I’ve been through four desktop computers since 2000 and five cell phones since 2001.

And yes, that’s a landline phone in the background of the above photo.  My parents and I moved into this house in December of 1972, but didn’t get a phone until the following month – and only because my mother wrote a stern letter to the local telephone conglomerate.  In those days, we’d otherwise have to find a payphone.  Remember those?  This area was newly-developed (former farmland), so there weren’t many of those devices around yet.

I have a backup refrigerator from the early 1990s that still functions.  My parents remodeled the kitchen in 2006 and decided to get a new refrigerator; yet kept the old one.  That 2006 model apparently gave up on life last year, and the cost of repairing it wouldn’t be worth the expense.  But, like my Yorx clock, the older fridge has been working almost continuously for several years.  I wrote last year about the house where I’m living; the place where I grew up and how it turned 50.  My truck is 17 years old and – although showing its age – hasn’t even reached 100,000 miles.

Here are at least two other old things: London’s Big Ben clock, which has been fully operational since 1859, and a light bulb in a San Francisco firehouse, which was turned on in 1901 and has been on ever since.  How many light bulbs have you been through in your lifetime?!

And here’s yet another – me!  I’ll be 60 this November and I’m happy to say I’m evolving and learning.  I just started a full-time job with a government-contracting firm, which I can only hope will last until I can retire – or an asteroid destroys the Earth, and I won’t have to worry about credit card bills.

Okay, I’m not a “thing”.  But I am happy to say I’ve been around a while and I’m now reflecting upon my past years.  I’ve often been one of those people to hold grudges; to recount previous conversations and events and achingly wish I could have done better.  It’s been rough for me to understand I can never change the past.  Whatever happened way back when brought me to where I am now – bruised and battered and imperfect, indeed.  But I’m here – and so much better for it all.

More importantly I decided long ago I’ll never get “old” – whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean.  I’ll age, of course, but not get old.  I don’t care what people say now or in the future.  I’m glad to be here in my present state.

Now, this “old” bastard will engage in another aged activity – reading a physical book.  Some things just never get…well, old.

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September 1, 2023 · 7:22 PM

Swinging

As Labor Day fast approaches here in the U.S., I’m happy to point out that I recently started a new job; a full-time position with a firm that does a great deal of government contract work.  And, if you know anything about the U.S. federal government, there’s a lot of work to be done!  It’s similar to the kind of work I did with an engineering company more than a decade ago.

Yes, that’s me in the scary unretouched photo above – slaving away over a hot keyboard and fighting spreadsheet eyes.  Although my company has a local office, they switched to remote work at the start of the COVID-19 pandemic three years ago and have found that it seems to be the best functional model for everyone.  So I get to sit at a desk in my home bare-chested and in gym shorts shuffling through a myriad of digital documents.  As a devout introvert, it’s a utopian environment for me.

It’s especially ironic in that I’ll be 60 in some two months – and finding a job at this point in life is challenging for anyone.  I’d been doing contract and freelance work since 2010, so it’s quite a change.  But welcome nonetheless.  Yes, it’d be great if my debut novel (or any future novel) could be sold to a motion picture company for X amount – preferably in the seven figure range – that would be extraordinary.  But I know how unlikely that is.  I’m not naïve.

I listen carefully to close friends and fellow bloggers as they vent about their own struggles to get from one point to another in the working world.  One friend lives in the Los Angeles area and works for a major television network.  He studied filmmaking and screenwriting at New York University in the 1990s and is witnessing – and feeling – the impact of the ongoing writers’ and actors’ strikes firsthand.  I commented a while back about his education.  “A lot of good that did me!” he replied.  I often felt the same, as I struggled over the past decade to find work.  I kept relying upon that degree in English I finally earned.  What good has it done? I asked myself more than a few times.  But I’m still proud of it.

My father was essentially forced to retire shortly after turning 62 in 1995.  When he called the local Social Security office to apply for his benefits, the clerk stated (almost sarcastically), “I guess you want your money now.”  My father answered, “You’re damn right I do!”  In the middle of one day several years ago he decided on a whim to have a glass of wine.  One of my uncles lives alone in a neighboring suburb with a cat and once told me, “I’m happy to sit around on my fat ass and watch TV all day!”  Aside from a brief stint in the U.S. Army in the 1960s, he worked in warehouses most of his life.  Like my father, he did hard labor – donkey-type work; the kind that wears out people quickly.

Other people, like my mother, did white-collar work – the kind that wears on the mind.  I don’t know what’s worse – mental or physical exhaustion.  I suppose they’re equally stressful.

Regardless I’m back in the swing of things with the labor force.  I actually enjoy what I’m doing – mainly because I’m doing it from home and can sit around bare-chested while listening to music such as this.  It helps fight those spreadsheet eyes.

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