“We all know how things go viral on the Internet. You see something funny. A cat video, and you share it with 10 people, and those people share it with 10 people each, so you’re up to 100. And those 100 share it to another 10, so you’re up to 1,000. They keep sharing, and 1,000 becomes 10,000 and then 100,000 and then 1 million. So in only six cycles of transmission, one person can affect one million. Real viruses, like the new coronavirus, work exactly the same way.”
Category Archives: News
“How come my three year old son knows every species and genus of dinosaur and I can’t even remember my home phone number?”
“I rescind my early statement, ‘I could never fall in love with a girl who regularly poops her pants.’ (I hadn’t met my daughter yet).”
“The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get.”
“By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.”
“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”
“You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life, because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.”
“I gave my father $100 and said, ‘Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.’ So he went out and bought a present for my mother.”
“Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.”
“There should be a children’s song: ‘If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep.”
“It is so embarrassing how I went from a person who did not care about anyone’s children. Then you have them, and you brag about the same stuff that you never cared about. And you tell people, ‘he’s got four teeth,’ like they care.”
“On our 6 am walk, my daughter asked where the moon goes each morning. I let her know it’s in heaven, visiting daddy’s freedom.”
“Having children is like living in a frat house: nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.”
“My daughter got me a ‘World’s Best Dad’ mug. So we know she’s sarcastic.”
“A father carries pictures where his money used to be.”
“Good parenting means investing in your child’s future, which is why I am saving to buy mine a hoverboard someday.”
“Getting a burp out of your little thing when she needs it is probably the greatest satisfaction I’ve come across at this point in my life. It is truly one of life’s most satisfying moments.”
“The only way I can describe [fatherhood] – it sounds stupid, but – at the end of ‘How the Grinch Stole Christmas,’ you know how his heart grows like five times? Everything is full; it’s just full all the time.”
“When you’re young, you think your dad is Superman. Then you grow up, and you realize he’s just a regular guy who wears a cape.”
“When I was a kid, I said to my father one afternoon, ‘Daddy, will you take me to the zoo?’ He answered, ‘If the zoo wants you, let them come and get you.’”
“Raising a kid is part joy and part guerrilla warfare.”
Here we have foreign-born Abraham “Avrumy” Knofler screaming about a “Black Lives Matter” sign in front of one of the most dangerous establishments in the world – a coffee shop in New York. “I was making a protest – all lives matter,” he told Gothamist.
Yes, they do, Avrumy. But assholes don’t matter at all!
Here’s definitive proof that veterinary work is one of the toughest jobs on Earth. At least this pup was somewhat amiable. My late schnauzer had to be sedated before his nails could be trimmed; otherwise, he’d go into a snarling frenzy and an “alligator-death-roll”.
“I did something good: I made Juneteenth very famous. It’s actually an important event, an important time. But nobody had ever heard of it.”
– Donald Trump, announcing the “discovery” ahead of this weekend’s visit to Tulsa, Oklahoma, for a campaign rally.
The U.S. Secret Service had to inform our disoriented “leader” that June 19 (“Juneteenth”) is already a well-known date in American civil rights history.
“In Title VII, Congress adopted broad language making it illegal for an employer to rely on an employee’s sex when deciding to fire that employee. We do not hesitate to recognize today a necessary consequence of that legislative choice: An employer who fires an individual merely for being gay or transgender defies the law.”
– U.S. Supreme Court Justice Neil Gorsuch, writing for the majority in Bostock v. Clayton County, Georgia, No. 17-1618, which outlaws discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity.
Donald Trump on renaming U.S. military bases originally named for Confederate military figures.
There’s something inherently un-American about a U.S. military base named after someone who moved Heaven and Earth to fight against the United States.
“We’re not the country of just the president, we have a Congress, we have a Supreme Court, but, most of all, we have the people of the United States, the ones who vote. The ones who vote him in and the ones who vote him out. I couldn’t vote for him in 2016. I certainly cannot in any way support President Trump this year.”
– Colin Powell, former U.S. Secretary of State and chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, stating he will vote for Joe Biden in November because President Donald Trump has “drifted away” from the Constitution, is a chronic liar and is “dangerous to our country.”
Image: Ron Sherr