Tag Archives: Oklahoma

History Wash

“History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again.”

Maya Angelou

Last November, when he won reelection by a large margin, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis declared that “Florida is where woke comes to die.”  I still don’t know who created the term “woke”, much less why or when.  But it’s become the latest toy in the diaspora of political angst.  If “woke” means historically accurate or aware, then those of us with at least half a brain are more than fully “woke”.  I can’t say the same for the conservative mindset.

In the latest salvo against historical accuracy, the state of Florida’s education board approved a spate of standards in teach African-American history.  The new measures require lessons on race to be taught in an “objective” manner that doesn’t “indoctrinate or persuade students to a particular point of view”.  Excuse me?  Objective?  Indoctrinate?  Only social conservatives in the Deep South would view solid history studies as indoctrination.

Not to be outdone on the ignorance scale, an Oklahoma education official, Ryan Walters, has declared that the notorious 1921 Tulsa race massacre – which resulted in the bloody deaths of some 300 African-Americans – wasn’t actually about race and that teachers should not “say that the skin color determined it”.  The 1921 Tulsa event remains one of the most sanguineous racial events in U.S. history.  It’s similar to a 1923 slaughter in Rosewood, Florida.  But, in the eyes of social (and mostly White) conservatives, they apparently were just really bad days.

Not surprisingly, these changes in teaching regimens have generated controversy – and anger.  In response to Walters’ claim, Alicia Andrews, chair of the Oklahoma Democratic Party, stated, “How are you going to talk about a race massacre as if race isn’t part of the very cause of the incident?”

In response to the recent Florida measures, the Florida Education Association, a statewide teachers union, denounced the new policy as a “big step backward.”  Andrew Spar, president of the association, issued a press release asking, “How can our students ever be equipped for the future if they don’t have a full, honest picture of where we’ve come from? Florida’s students deserve a world-class education that equips them to be successful adults who can help heal our nation’s divisions rather than deepen them.”

This is why we progressives view conservatism with disdain.  To us, conservative ideology is often regressive; holding onto false narratives of life’s events and who people are.  It’s also an improper revision of what happened way back when.  In 2015, controversy erupted when one of the biggest publishers of school textbooks, McGraw-Hill presented a tome that deemed African slaves as “immigrant workers”.  The caption accompanied a map of the United States in a section about immigration and read: “The Atlantic Slave Trade between the 1500s and 1800s brought millions of workers from Africa to the southern United States to work on agricultural plantations.”

The verbiage had gone unnoticed until the mother of a 15-year-old high school student raised hell over it.  McGraw-Hill promptly recalled the book and issued a public apology.

And that is what people have to do now when they encounter something so outrageous.  Ignorance is not education.  Just as the truth always comes to light, so does history.  Revising it to fit a particular narrative won’t change the facts.

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COVID-19 Safe Distance Measures by State

Both the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the National Institutes of Health have recommended individuals remain at least 6 feet (1.8 meters) from one another to help prevent the spread of the COVID-19 virus.  The minimum distance is based on the average trajectory of nasal droplets once expelled from the nose, mouth, or whatever infected orifice a person might have.  (If this person can expel nasal droplets from more openings than their mouth and nose, I suggest they be put to death.  They will be a danger to humanity, no matter what contagion is in the air.)

This “social distancing” has caused some consternation among many people.  For introverts, however, it’s called life as we know it.  But, in order to help people understand exactly what the 6-foot minimum is, each state has comprised analogies for their particular citizenry.

Alabama – 2 outhouses

Alaska – 12 salmon or 2 Alaskan King Crab

Arizona – 5 Native American bead necklaces or a blueprint for Donald Trump’s “Wall”

Arkansas – 5 lists of the state’s 3 family trees

California – 1 surfboard or a chest of old Kim Kardashian press-on fingernails

Colorado – 1 miniature horse

Connecticut – 25 recordings of Donald Trump trying to pronounce Connecticut

Delaware – 6 bags of used Joe Biden hair pieces

Florida – 1 adult alligator or 4 motorized wheelchairs

Georgia – 10 DVD sets of “Gone with the Wind”

Hawaii – 5 floral lei wreaths or 1 lost mainland tourist

Idaho – 1 “No Californians Allowed” sign

Illinois – 5 Chicago pizzas (or 10 boxes of .32 caliber bullets if you’re actually in Chicago)

Indiana – 10 lists of the top 10 names indigenous peoples had, before some drunk White people arrived and screwed up everything

Iowa – 10 late-model voting machines

Kansas – 3 sheaths of whole-grain wheat

Kentucky – 5 cases of moonshine

Louisiana – 10 Mardi Grass beads (preferably neon) or 5 indictments of state governors

Maine – 1 lobster (unboiled)

Maryland – 10-15 bricks from a now-dismantled wall built around Washington, D.C.

Massachusetts – 5 cases of Irish whiskey

Michigan – 10 cases of German beer or 1 illegal Canadian immigrant (in Detroit, use anything that’s bullet-proof)

Minnesota – 5 maps of the 10,000+ lakes in the state (complete with detailed explanations why no one has made a concerted attempt to count the exact number)

Mississippi – 50 audio recordings of school children trying spell Mississippi

Missouri – 50 video recordings of school children misspelling Mississippi as Missouri

Montana – 3 taxidermy moose heads

Nebraska – 1 bovine calf or a University of Nebraska cheerleader (whichever is closest and not sleeping at the moment)

Nevada – 500 poker chips or 1 topless showgirl

New Hampshire – 1 10’x 6’ slab of granite or 5 “We Are NOT Vermont!” signs

New México – 1 saguaro cactus frond (unshaven)

New York – 1 life-size inflatable Donald Trump doll, 5 yamakas, or 10 Brooklyn-made calzones

North Carolina – 5 vintage “Missing: Roanoke – Have You Seen Us?” flyers

North Dakota – 25 copies of “Why God Created North Dakota (Because Minnesota Was Too Cold)”

Ohio – 30 unpublished “Best Reasons to Visit Cleveland” pamphlets

Oklahoma – 15 editions of the latest Indian casino directory (also still accepting donations for the “Back to Europe” movement)

Oregon – Any still-living Grateful Dead fan

Pennsylvania – 25 king-size Hershey bars

Rhode Island – Rhode Island

South Carolina – 10 editions of “25 Reasons We Keep Fighting the Civil War and Still Haven’t Won”, © 1964

South Dakota – 3 cases of malt liquor beer or 1 “White People Don’t Let the Sun Set on You!” sign

Tennessee – 1 statue of Elvis Presley, Patsy Cline, or Tammy Wynette

Texas – 1 rifle and a bottle of tequila (preferably José Cuervo)

Utah – 10 Mormon bibles or 25 unused “Romney 2012” posters

Vermont – 10 “Sanders 2020” banners (previously 5 cases of maple syrup) or 5 “We Are NOT New Hampshire!” signs

Virginia – 5 replicas of Cutty Sark clipper ships or 10 bottles of Cutty Sark whiskey

Washington – 5 buckets of rainwater or 200 bongs

West Virginia – 25 “There Is NO East Virginia” bumper stickers

Wisconsin – 5 crates of Gouda cheese

Wyoming – 1 life-size replica of a buffalo (NO live buffaloes permitted, as they’ll kick your ass)

“Don’t move any closer, bitch!”

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Picture of the Day

Oklahoma state Sen. Judy Eason McIntyre, left, holds a sign borrowed from a protester against the state’s “Personhood” bill outside her office.

The photo naturally got the state’s conservative extremists all riled up who thought it was of McIntyre’s design.

 

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