“I miss Trump.”
Sen. Lindsey Graham, in an interview with Laura Ingraham on FOX News
“I want to go in and be a thoughtful disrupter in Sacramento. We need to change the system, and I want to change the system for the positive.”
Caitlyn Jenner, in a June 10 appearance on “The View”
During a tense exchange with the show’s hosts, Jenner criticized California Gov. Gavin Newsome, ranted about immigration and refused to agree that Donald Trump lost the 2020 election.
Filed under News
Don’t mess with a dog lover! On Monday, May 31, a brown bear with cubs tried to invade the back yard of a residential home in Bradbury, California. The family’s 4 dogs happened to be outside and did what…well, what dogs normally do when there’s an intruder. They started barking ferociously.
That’s when home surveillance video caught 17-year-old Hailey Morinico rushing outside and literally shoving the massive bear off of the fence. She injured her finger in the process, but managed to get the bear to leave.
Don’t try this at home, my fellow citizens! But, like I said, don’t mess with someone’s dogs!
Filed under News
“There’s a numbness I imagine some of us are feeling, because there’s a sameness to this. Anywhere, USA. It just feels like this happens over and over and over again. Rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat. It begs the damn question: What the hell is going on in the United States of America?”
California Gov. Gavin Newsom, after a mass shooting at a rail yard in San José
The attack – which took 10 lives, including the gunman – is the 232nd mass shooting in the U.S. this year.
Filed under News
The person formerly known as “Bruce” Jenner
“As the home to Hollywood, California has been comfortable electing movie stars since well before Trump came along, of course. Ronald Reagan and Arnold Schwarzenegger both served as the state’s governor. Other stars like Sonny Bono and Clint Eastwood also have held public office. But even given that history, Jenner’s bid may strike many as the ultimate example of celebrity entitlement, a vanity project that uses the political spotlight to stay relevant — or at least, in the news.”
Neil J. Young, about reality TV star Caitlyn Jenner announcing her bid for governor of California, in an essay in The Week
Young added, “Caitlyn Jenner has no chance.” California conservatives have launched a movement to recall Gov. Gavin Newsome.
Filed under News
“The mountains of misinformation are not helping the process; they’re only hurting it.”
– Geoff Duncan, Republican lieutenant governor of Georgia, responding to Donald Trump’s relentless claims the elections were “stolen”
Two runoff elections for senator in Georgia on January 5 will determine control of the U.S. Senate.
“I personally think my company should pay me workers compensation for brain damage for having to read that lawsuit and related filings. It really is one of the stupidest bits of performative leg humping we have seen in the last five years. These attorneys general are willing to beclown themselves and their states all to get in good with the losing presidential candidate. The suit is absurd on its face. These states seek to interfere in the internal affairs of other states when those states are not actually electing the president, but allowing their voters to choose members of the Electoral College. Were this to succeed, which it will not, the states will start suing each other at every election as a bit of theater.”
– Erick Erickson, far-right social conservative and evangelical Christian fundamentalist radio host, in an essay on his blog
Erickson endorsed Trump’s reelection campaign, but criticized a lawsuit filed by Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton, denouncing it as “one of the stupidest bits of performative leg humping we have seen in the last five years.”
“We believe our Jewish community needs to be able to join and partner in solidarity with communities of color like Arab Americans, Black Americans, Indigenous people who are facing systemic injustice and be able to listen to their narratives just as we expect other communities to listen to our narrative as Jews.”
– Ellen Brotsky, a volunteer leader for Jewish Voice for Peace, an organization devoted to combating all forms of ethnic and racial bias
JVP and their supporters are concerned recent changes to school curriculums about ethnic inclusivity in the state of California are overlooking people of Middle Eastern extraction.
“The allegations in the lawsuit are false and irresponsible. Texas alleges that there are 80,000 forged signatures on absentee ballots in Georgia, but they don’t bring forward a single person who this happened to. That’s because it didn’t happen.”
– Jordan Fuchs, Georgia’s deputy secretary of state, responding to a lawsuit filed by Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton against Georgia, Michigan, Pennsylvania and Wisconsin whose election results handed the White House to President-elect Joe Biden
In the suit, Paxton claims pandemic-era changes to election procedures in those states violated federal law and is asking the U.S. Supreme Court to block the states from voting in the Electoral College.
“I feel so privileged to be the first.”
– Margaret Keenan, age 90, upon becoming the first person in Great Britain to receive the Pfizer-BioNTech COVID-19 vaccine shot outside of clinical trials
Filed under News
“They talk about the suburban women. And somebody said, ‘I don’t know if the suburban woman likes you.’ I said, ‘Why?’ They said, ‘They may not like the way you talk,’ but I’m about law and order. I’m about having you safe. I’m about having your suburban communities. I don’t want to build low-income housing next to your house.”
– President Donald Trump, at a campaign rally in Johnstown, Pennsylvania
“The fact that it is a box does not make it illegal.”
– Tom Hiltachk, general counsel for the California State Republican Party, regarding accusations the organization placed fake ballot boxes around the state
Hiltachk added that the boxes comply with California’s “ballot harvesting” law, which lets people collect ballots from voters and return them to county election offices to be counted. He said all of the party’s drop boxes are indoors at county party headquarters, churches or retailers that have agreed to participate and that the boxes are locked and monitored by people.
Filed under News
Several years ago a friend told me people should be charged a “stupid tax” for…well, stupid crap they do! If that ever happened, national budgets would be balanced until the end of time. I’m sure officials in California wish such a tax existed, especially during this time of year, when wildfires are likely. Earlier this week, a “smoke-generating pyrotechnical device” at a gender reveal party sparked the El Dorado fire, which has now spread to some 7,000 acres. Authorities plan to charge the geniuses behind this bright idea with a crime.
Filed under News
“The debate is over, around climate change. This is a climate damn emergency. This is real and it’s happening.”
– California Governor Gavin Newsom
Annual wildfires in California and much of the western United States have become even more fierce in recent years. Whether or not you believe in climate change, it’s obvious something dramatic is happening to the region’s normal weather patterns. The recent spate of fires have produced dramatically colorful skies of red and orange; something that would be the envy of any artist or photographer. Then, when you realize what caused those array of colors, the horror of it all becomes more real.
Filed under News
Burned redwood trees at Big Basin Redwoods State Park in Northern California. Despite the intense devastation, scientists say the trees – some of the largest and oldest living things on Earth – will recover and begin turning green within months.
Filed under News
Both the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the National Institutes of Health have recommended individuals remain at least 6 feet (1.8 meters) from one another to help prevent the spread of the COVID-19 virus. The minimum distance is based on the average trajectory of nasal droplets once expelled from the nose, mouth, or whatever infected orifice a person might have. (If this person can expel nasal droplets from more openings than their mouth and nose, I suggest they be put to death. They will be a danger to humanity, no matter what contagion is in the air.)
This “social distancing” has caused some consternation among many people. For introverts, however, it’s called life as we know it. But, in order to help people understand exactly what the 6-foot minimum is, each state has comprised analogies for their particular citizenry.
Alabama – 2 outhouses
Alaska – 12 salmon or 2 Alaskan King Crab
Arizona – 5 Native American bead necklaces or a blueprint for Donald Trump’s “Wall”
Arkansas – 5 lists of the state’s 3 family trees
California – 1 surfboard or a chest of old Kim Kardashian press-on fingernails
Colorado – 1 miniature horse
Connecticut – 25 recordings of Donald Trump trying to pronounce Connecticut
Delaware – 6 bags of used Joe Biden hair pieces
Florida – 1 adult alligator or 4 motorized wheelchairs
Georgia – 10 DVD sets of “Gone with the Wind”
Hawaii – 5 floral lei wreaths or 1 lost mainland tourist
Idaho – 1 “No Californians Allowed” sign
Illinois – 5 Chicago pizzas (or 10 boxes of .32 caliber bullets if you’re actually in Chicago)
Indiana – 10 lists of the top 10 names indigenous peoples had, before some drunk White people arrived and screwed up everything
Iowa – 10 late-model voting machines
Kansas – 3 sheaths of whole-grain wheat
Kentucky – 5 cases of moonshine
Louisiana – 10 Mardi Grass beads (preferably neon) or 5 indictments of state governors
Maine – 1 lobster (unboiled)
Maryland – 10-15 bricks from a now-dismantled wall built around Washington, D.C.
Massachusetts – 5 cases of Irish whiskey
Michigan – 10 cases of German beer or 1 illegal Canadian immigrant (in Detroit, use anything that’s bullet-proof)
Minnesota – 5 maps of the 10,000+ lakes in the state (complete with detailed explanations why no one has made a concerted attempt to count the exact number)
Mississippi – 50 audio recordings of school children trying spell Mississippi
Missouri – 50 video recordings of school children misspelling Mississippi as Missouri
Montana – 3 taxidermy moose heads
Nebraska – 1 bovine calf or a University of Nebraska cheerleader (whichever is closest and not sleeping at the moment)
Nevada – 500 poker chips or 1 topless showgirl
New Hampshire – 1 10’x 6’ slab of granite or 5 “We Are NOT Vermont!” signs
New México – 1 saguaro cactus frond (unshaven)
New York – 1 life-size inflatable Donald Trump doll, 5 yamakas, or 10 Brooklyn-made calzones
North Carolina – 5 vintage “Missing: Roanoke – Have You Seen Us?” flyers
North Dakota – 25 copies of “Why God Created North Dakota (Because Minnesota Was Too Cold)”
Ohio – 30 unpublished “Best Reasons to Visit Cleveland” pamphlets
Oklahoma – 15 editions of the latest Indian casino directory (also still accepting donations for the “Back to Europe” movement)
Oregon – Any still-living Grateful Dead fan
Pennsylvania – 25 king-size Hershey bars
Rhode Island – Rhode Island
South Carolina – 10 editions of “25 Reasons We Keep Fighting the Civil War and Still Haven’t Won”, © 1964
South Dakota – 3 cases of malt liquor beer or 1 “White People Don’t Let the Sun Set on You!” sign
Tennessee – 1 statue of Elvis Presley, Patsy Cline, or Tammy Wynette
Texas – 1 rifle and a bottle of tequila (preferably José Cuervo)
Utah – 10 Mormon bibles or 25 unused “Romney 2012” posters
Vermont – 10 “Sanders 2020” banners (previously 5 cases of maple syrup) or 5 “We Are NOT New Hampshire!” signs
Virginia – 5 replicas of Cutty Sark clipper ships or 10 bottles of Cutty Sark whiskey
Washington – 5 buckets of rainwater or 200 bongs
West Virginia – 25 “There Is NO East Virginia” bumper stickers
Wisconsin – 5 crates of Gouda cheese
Wyoming – 1 life-size replica of a buffalo (NO live buffaloes permitted, as they’ll kick your ass)
“Don’t move any closer, bitch!”
Filed under Wolf Tales
Chief Writing Wolf 