Tag Archives: New York

Best and Worst News of the Week – January 16, 2021

The National Rifle Association (NRA) – the gun rights group that places the value of firearms above the welfare of human beings – has filed for bankruptcy.  The organization, which is two burning crosses shy of a hate group, came under fire (pun deliberately intended) by New York State Attorney General Leticia James for allegedly diverting millions of dollars for personal trips and other questionable expenditures.  That someone dared to question the inner workings of the NRA is probably only slightly more upsetting than the fact a Negro woman is at the forefront of the challenge.

The worst news – at least for me – is that the NRA has now filed paperwork to incorporate in my home state of Texas, a move that doesn’t surprise me.  Like most states run by Republican legislatures, Texas values the 2nd Amendment to the U.S. Constitution more than the 1st (which guarantees free speech and the right to vote for EVERYONE) and the sanctity of life itself (except when said life is still inside the womb).

Texas Governor Greg Abbott embraced the NRA with open bullets by tweeting: “Welcome to Texas – a state that safeguards the 2nd Amendment.”

Of course he would say that!

For this pencil-penis crowd of perpetually angry and entitled mostly White men and their cavern-vagina female acolytes, the right to own firearms of any and all kinds became brutally clear after the 2012 Sandy Hook massacre.  Yet another deranged White male decided to ambush an elementary school and kill 20 children and 6 teachers, before – as cowards are wont to do – turning the gun on himself.  Since the killer supposedly had a learning disability, many had wanted doctors to be able to dissect and examine his brain.  I said they should dissect and examine the brain of his mother, who had collected a slew of guns and kept them in her house with that “disabled” son.  He had killed her first.

The NRA’s response to the massacre was a familiar refrain: guns don’t kill people, people kill people.  Yes, they do.  But the fact a “disabled” young man could get his hands on these guns is more disturbing than the hamster-dick gang either realizes or wants to admit.

And despite the horror of helpless little children being slaughtered – nothing happened.  No new legislation at either the state or federal level; no funding for mental health services; no campaign to educate people on the reckless use of firearms.  Nothing.

Thus the discussion was over; it was done.  The nation had unwittingly accepted the massacre of truly innocent children as acceptable.  So there was nothing more to talk about.

In closing let us pray for all of the children who sacrificed their lives so a bunch of angry old men could keep their fucking guns.

Image: Copyranter

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Tweet of the Week – April 24, 2020

New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo responded to a comment by Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) that individual states file for bankruptcy, due to the financial distress caused by the COVID-19 crisis, than apply for help from the U.S. federal government.

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Best Quote of the Week – April 17, 2020

“We don’t have a king.  We have a president.  That was a big decision.  We ran away from having a king, and George Washington was president, not King Washington.  So the president doesn’t have total authority.”

– New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo, responding to Donald Trump’s claim of “total” authority to reopen the nation’s virus-stalled economy, despite what health experts recommend and what individual state governors want.

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COVID-19 Safe Distance Measures by State

Both the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the National Institutes of Health have recommended individuals remain at least 6 feet (1.8 meters) from one another to help prevent the spread of the COVID-19 virus.  The minimum distance is based on the average trajectory of nasal droplets once expelled from the nose, mouth, or whatever infected orifice a person might have.  (If this person can expel nasal droplets from more openings than their mouth and nose, I suggest they be put to death.  They will be a danger to humanity, no matter what contagion is in the air.)

This “social distancing” has caused some consternation among many people.  For introverts, however, it’s called life as we know it.  But, in order to help people understand exactly what the 6-foot minimum is, each state has comprised analogies for their particular citizenry.

Alabama – 2 outhouses

Alaska – 12 salmon or 2 Alaskan King Crab

Arizona – 5 Native American bead necklaces or a blueprint for Donald Trump’s “Wall”

Arkansas – 5 lists of the state’s 3 family trees

California – 1 surfboard or a chest of old Kim Kardashian press-on fingernails

Colorado – 1 miniature horse

Connecticut – 25 recordings of Donald Trump trying to pronounce Connecticut

Delaware – 6 bags of used Joe Biden hair pieces

Florida – 1 adult alligator or 4 motorized wheelchairs

Georgia – 10 DVD sets of “Gone with the Wind”

Hawaii – 5 floral lei wreaths or 1 lost mainland tourist

Idaho – 1 “No Californians Allowed” sign

Illinois – 5 Chicago pizzas (or 10 boxes of .32 caliber bullets if you’re actually in Chicago)

Indiana – 10 lists of the top 10 names indigenous peoples had, before some drunk White people arrived and screwed up everything

Iowa – 10 late-model voting machines

Kansas – 3 sheaths of whole-grain wheat

Kentucky – 5 cases of moonshine

Louisiana – 10 Mardi Grass beads (preferably neon) or 5 indictments of state governors

Maine – 1 lobster (unboiled)

Maryland – 10-15 bricks from a now-dismantled wall built around Washington, D.C.

Massachusetts – 5 cases of Irish whiskey

Michigan – 10 cases of German beer or 1 illegal Canadian immigrant (in Detroit, use anything that’s bullet-proof)

Minnesota – 5 maps of the 10,000+ lakes in the state (complete with detailed explanations why no one has made a concerted attempt to count the exact number)

Mississippi – 50 audio recordings of school children trying spell Mississippi

Missouri – 50 video recordings of school children misspelling Mississippi as Missouri

Montana – 3 taxidermy moose heads

Nebraska – 1 bovine calf or a University of Nebraska cheerleader (whichever is closest and not sleeping at the moment)

Nevada – 500 poker chips or 1 topless showgirl

New Hampshire – 1 10’x 6’ slab of granite or 5 “We Are NOT Vermont!” signs

New México – 1 saguaro cactus frond (unshaven)

New York – 1 life-size inflatable Donald Trump doll, 5 yamakas, or 10 Brooklyn-made calzones

North Carolina – 5 vintage “Missing: Roanoke – Have You Seen Us?” flyers

North Dakota – 25 copies of “Why God Created North Dakota (Because Minnesota Was Too Cold)”

Ohio – 30 unpublished “Best Reasons to Visit Cleveland” pamphlets

Oklahoma – 15 editions of the latest Indian casino directory (also still accepting donations for the “Back to Europe” movement)

Oregon – Any still-living Grateful Dead fan

Pennsylvania – 25 king-size Hershey bars

Rhode Island – Rhode Island

South Carolina – 10 editions of “25 Reasons We Keep Fighting the Civil War and Still Haven’t Won”, © 1964

South Dakota – 3 cases of malt liquor beer or 1 “White People Don’t Let the Sun Set on You!” sign

Tennessee – 1 statue of Elvis Presley, Patsy Cline, or Tammy Wynette

Texas – 1 rifle and a bottle of tequila (preferably José Cuervo)

Utah – 10 Mormon bibles or 25 unused “Romney 2012” posters

Vermont – 10 “Sanders 2020” banners (previously 5 cases of maple syrup) or 5 “We Are NOT New Hampshire!” signs

Virginia – 5 replicas of Cutty Sark clipper ships or 10 bottles of Cutty Sark whiskey

Washington – 5 buckets of rainwater or 200 bongs

West Virginia – 25 “There Is NO East Virginia” bumper stickers

Wisconsin – 5 crates of Gouda cheese

Wyoming – 1 life-size replica of a buffalo (NO live buffaloes permitted, as they’ll kick your ass)

“Don’t move any closer, bitch!”

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