Tag Archives: quarantine

Photo of the Week – April 17, 2020

Help wanted!

Olive Veronesi doesn’t ask for much.  But, on this past Easter Sunday, while many people wanted church, family gatherings and chocolate rabbits, the 93-year-old resident of Seminole, Pennsylvania stood at her front door and held up a sign expressing exactly what she wanted:

“I Need More Beer!!”

Fortunately, some concerned locals responded to her distress call faster than Donald Trump reacting to a porn star in need of anal sex.  They delivered several cases of beer to Olive, so she was saved.  It’s good to know there are still people who will go above and beyond the ordinary to help a senior citizen with anything.

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Worst Quote of the Week – April 17, 2020

“The social scientists are telling us about the economic disaster that is going on. Our (Gross Domestic Product) is supposed to be down 20% alone this quarter.  It is policymakers’ decision to put on our big boy and big girl pants and say it is the lesser of these two evils.  It is not zero evil, but it is the lesser of these two evils and we intend to move forward that direction.  That is our responsibility and to abdicate that is to insult the Americans that voted us into office.”

– U.S. Congressman Trey Hollingsworth, indicating that jump-starting the economy is worth the deaths of people due to COVID-19

Hollingsworth went on to say, “[I]t is always the American government’s position to say, in the choice between the loss of our way of life as Americans and the loss of life, of American lives, we have to always choose the latter.”

Okay then…he can lead by example!  Don’t ask someone to do something that you aren’t willing at least to try yourself!

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Best Quote of the Week – April 17, 2020

“We don’t have a king.  We have a president.  That was a big decision.  We ran away from having a king, and George Washington was president, not King Washington.  So the president doesn’t have total authority.”

– New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo, responding to Donald Trump’s claim of “total” authority to reopen the nation’s virus-stalled economy, despite what health experts recommend and what individual state governors want.

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Photo of the Week – April 10, 2020

Ryan Michalesko

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Tweet of the Week – April 10, 2020

A creative take on Queen’s “I Want to Break Free” (1984) – a quick homage for the desire to be quarantine-free amidst the COVID-19 pandemic!

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COVID-19 Safe Distance Measures by State

Both the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the National Institutes of Health have recommended individuals remain at least 6 feet (1.8 meters) from one another to help prevent the spread of the COVID-19 virus.  The minimum distance is based on the average trajectory of nasal droplets once expelled from the nose, mouth, or whatever infected orifice a person might have.  (If this person can expel nasal droplets from more openings than their mouth and nose, I suggest they be put to death.  They will be a danger to humanity, no matter what contagion is in the air.)

This “social distancing” has caused some consternation among many people.  For introverts, however, it’s called life as we know it.  But, in order to help people understand exactly what the 6-foot minimum is, each state has comprised analogies for their particular citizenry.

Alabama – 2 outhouses

Alaska – 12 salmon or 2 Alaskan King Crab

Arizona – 5 Native American bead necklaces or a blueprint for Donald Trump’s “Wall”

Arkansas – 5 lists of the state’s 3 family trees

California – 1 surfboard or a chest of old Kim Kardashian press-on fingernails

Colorado – 1 miniature horse

Connecticut – 25 recordings of Donald Trump trying to pronounce Connecticut

Delaware – 6 bags of used Joe Biden hair pieces

Florida – 1 adult alligator or 4 motorized wheelchairs

Georgia – 10 DVD sets of “Gone with the Wind”

Hawaii – 5 floral lei wreaths or 1 lost mainland tourist

Idaho – 1 “No Californians Allowed” sign

Illinois – 5 Chicago pizzas (or 10 boxes of .32 caliber bullets if you’re actually in Chicago)

Indiana – 10 lists of the top 10 names indigenous peoples had, before some drunk White people arrived and screwed up everything

Iowa – 10 late-model voting machines

Kansas – 3 sheaths of whole-grain wheat

Kentucky – 5 cases of moonshine

Louisiana – 10 Mardi Grass beads (preferably neon) or 5 indictments of state governors

Maine – 1 lobster (unboiled)

Maryland – 10-15 bricks from a now-dismantled wall built around Washington, D.C.

Massachusetts – 5 cases of Irish whiskey

Michigan – 10 cases of German beer or 1 illegal Canadian immigrant (in Detroit, use anything that’s bullet-proof)

Minnesota – 5 maps of the 10,000+ lakes in the state (complete with detailed explanations why no one has made a concerted attempt to count the exact number)

Mississippi – 50 audio recordings of school children trying spell Mississippi

Missouri – 50 video recordings of school children misspelling Mississippi as Missouri

Montana – 3 taxidermy moose heads

Nebraska – 1 bovine calf or a University of Nebraska cheerleader (whichever is closest and not sleeping at the moment)

Nevada – 500 poker chips or 1 topless showgirl

New Hampshire – 1 10’x 6’ slab of granite or 5 “We Are NOT Vermont!” signs

New México – 1 saguaro cactus frond (unshaven)

New York – 1 life-size inflatable Donald Trump doll, 5 yamakas, or 10 Brooklyn-made calzones

North Carolina – 5 vintage “Missing: Roanoke – Have You Seen Us?” flyers

North Dakota – 25 copies of “Why God Created North Dakota (Because Minnesota Was Too Cold)”

Ohio – 30 unpublished “Best Reasons to Visit Cleveland” pamphlets

Oklahoma – 15 editions of the latest Indian casino directory (also still accepting donations for the “Back to Europe” movement)

Oregon – Any still-living Grateful Dead fan

Pennsylvania – 25 king-size Hershey bars

Rhode Island – Rhode Island

South Carolina – 10 editions of “25 Reasons We Keep Fighting the Civil War and Still Haven’t Won”, © 1964

South Dakota – 3 cases of malt liquor beer or 1 “White People Don’t Let the Sun Set on You!” sign

Tennessee – 1 statue of Elvis Presley, Patsy Cline, or Tammy Wynette

Texas – 1 rifle and a bottle of tequila (preferably José Cuervo)

Utah – 10 Mormon bibles or 25 unused “Romney 2012” posters

Vermont – 10 “Sanders 2020” banners (previously 5 cases of maple syrup) or 5 “We Are NOT New Hampshire!” signs

Virginia – 5 replicas of Cutty Sark clipper ships or 10 bottles of Cutty Sark whiskey

Washington – 5 buckets of rainwater or 200 bongs

West Virginia – 25 “There Is NO East Virginia” bumper stickers

Wisconsin – 5 crates of Gouda cheese

Wyoming – 1 life-size replica of a buffalo (NO live buffaloes permitted, as they’ll kick your ass)

“Don’t move any closer, bitch!”

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How the Chief Is Coping with the COVID-19 Quarantine – April 3, 2020

Reading about my family history has always been exhilarating!

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April 3, 2020 · 10:58 PM

Worst Quote of the Week – April 3, 2020

“I think we have a responsibility to our students – who paid to be here, who want to be here, who love it here – to give them the ability to be with their friends, to continue their studies, enjoy the room and board they’ve already paid for and to not interrupt their college life.”

Jerry Falwell, Jr., on why he kept Liberty University open, despite the COVID-19 crisis.

As some 5,000 students returned from spring break, Falwell defied the national trend of closing campuses and ordered faculty to return to their offices, even as classes moved to online forums.  Within a week, COVID-19 began showing up among some Liberty students.  In some way, I really don’t have much sympathy for anyone at Liberty.  It’s founder, the late Jerry Falwell, Sr., was one of the worst bigots this country ever produced.  After the 9/11 catastrophe, for example, he blamed the usual cadre of un-wantables: feminists, gays, environmentalists, etc.  He was also among the gang of right-wing assholes who declared that AIDS came directly from the “Hand of God.”  At one time, many years ago, Liberty would not allow interracial “dating” and access to handicapped individuals.  They may have changed their stance on those matters, but their early 1900s, Neanderthal-style reputation speaks for their ignorance.

I keep thinking, if people like those at Liberty refuse to accept the dire warnings associated with the COVID-19 scare and end up getting sick and dying, that’s fine with me.  The fewer morons among us, the better!  As we say in Texas, ‘You can’t fix stupid.’

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The Chief’s Most Valuable Possessions

My father’s urn

My mother’s official wedding portrait from 1959, along with other old family photos

The box containing my dog’s ashes

My computers, including this 10-year-old desktop

My cell phone

My vast collection of books

My model car collection

Music CDs

My library of National Geographic magazines that stretch back nearly 80 years

Wine and other spirits

My stash of adult DVDs

And finally…

Who would’ve thought?!  At the start of the third decade of the 21st century, this shit would become a coveted item!

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Tweet of the Week – March 20, 2020

“This might be easy for you, Senator, but you’re not a server losing wages, a single mom losing her job to stay home with her kids, or one of 5 million Texans without insurance.  I’m glad you’re ending your long weekend and hope you’ll pass the legislation they need QUICKLY.”

M.J. Hegar, former U.S. Air Force pilot, Afghanistan War veteran, and Texas Democratic candidate for U.S. Senate, in response to a tweet by Sen. John Cornyn.

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