
“There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.”
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Filed under News

“The Thanksgiving tradition is, we overeat. ‘Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?’ ‘But we do that every day!’ ‘Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us.’”
Image: Bill Day
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Robert in 1997
My father planted pink spider lilies decades ago in our front yard, but at some point years later, he decided to dig them up. Shortly before his oldest sister, Amparo, died in February 1998, he was surprised to see several of those plants had re-surfaced. Over the next several years we both noticed that a number of those pink spider lilies would inexplicably pop up in various spots across the front yard. And then someone we knew – a relative, a friend, a neighbor – would die soon afterwards. That was an omen, he told me – someone we knew was going to die. Those lilies sprung up across the front yard shortly before my father’s death in June of 2016 and again before my mother’s death four years later. They even arose before my dog Wolfgang died in October of 2016. They came up again in early 2022 just weeks before my friend, Paul, died and again the following year, just before another friend, David, died unexpectedly.
A few weeks ago I spotted a few of those blooms near the front door. And now, for the third time in as many years, I’ve lost a close friend. Robert Souza died early Wednesday morning, the 16th. He turned 62 last month. A Massachusetts native, he’d moved to Texas in 1983 to attend some kind of religious school. That didn’t seem to work out, but he always retained some degree of spiritual faith. Oddly, despite living in Texas for so long, he still had that uniquely Bostonian accent. We met through mutual friends in February 1994 and found we had a few things in common: muscle cars, rock music and animals.
Robert had been through a lot personally, including some serious health problems, and even an attempted carjacking/robbery in 1997 where he took six bullets. I wrote about that in 2013. Despite everything, he always managed to get through it. This latest bout with severe pneumonia, however, proved insurmountable.
I’m afraid Robert’s death will mark the end for his mother – a retired nurse in her 80s who still lives in Massachusetts. She lost her young son, George, to ALS five years ago. Robert returned to Massachusetts for the funeral and stayed longer with his mother. Knowing all about his health concerns, she just wanted him to be with her for a little while. Now this.
After my friend David died in 2023, Robert and I discussed how we had reached the point in our lives where we lose people we know and love. I often joked that he was too mean to die; that he needed to soften up a little before God accepts him into the Kingdom. I guess he softened up without me realizing it!
My friend Paul who died of liver cancer in 2022 had told me years earlier of strange things surrounding him and his family. He lost his father, two nephews and his older brother over a six-year period. And in the weeks preceding each death he noticed a slew of black birds nearby. One even flew alongside him as he drove down a highway. Alarmed, he told me, he’d honked several times, but the bird continued flying beside his car. Even when he slowed or sped up, the bird remained a constant presence. Only when he exited did it fly away. The experience left him shaken, he recounted. Shortly afterwards his brother died.
A few days before my mother passed away I had a close family friend stay with her, while I went to the store. When I exited the building and approached my truck I was startled to see a small group of black birds gathered atop my truck. They remained, even when I got into the vehicle – literally close enough for me to touch them – and departed only when I started the engine. Earlier this week I went to the same store and – as I approached the entrance – noticed a single black bird on the ground ahead of me, just outside the automatic doors. It turned in my direction, and I slowed my pace. A few steps closer and the bird flew away.
Now I can only say I love you, my friend Robert, and I hope to see you on the other side.
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“If there is any immortality to be had among us human beings, it is certainly only in the love that we leave behind. Fathers like mine don’t ever die.”
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Filed under News

“We are told to let our light shine, and if it does, we won’t need to tell anybody it does. Lighthouses don’t fire cannons to call attention to their shining – they just shine.”

Leo – in typical feline fashion – trying to remain calm, while adapting to his new surroundings.
A couple of months ago I made a major decision. I decided to move my Uncle Wes* and his cat, Leo, in with me. Wes is my mother’s younger brother. He served in the U.S. Army in the 1960s and has been married only once; no children. A proverbial wild man, he’s led a rough life and is now paying the price for it. Bringing him here was no lightweight decision for me. No one else has lived here with me since my mother died in June of 2020. And Leo has the unique distinction of being the very first feline to step foot into this house. Outside of the occasional stray cat venturing into the back yard, no cat has ever been in here. Twenty years ago I underwent a formal allergy test and learned – as I’d long suspected – that I’m allergic to ragweed, mountain cedar and cat dander – among other things. Other things include stupid people, but that’s a different essay.
Despite not being a people person, I guess it’s my nature to want to help people who sometimes can’t fend for or take care of themselves. As cynical as I’ve become in my seven decades on Earth, a smattering of humanity still lurks deep within my soul. Besides, I prefer to care for those closest to me. I couldn’t stand the thought of Wes spending his remaining years in a state of uncertainty. Like anyone who’s lived into adulthood, he’s made his share of mistakes.
Wes had been living in a dumpy, one-bedroom, one-bath apartment with no washer and dryer in a neighboring Dallas suburb. Fortunately the laundry facility stood next door, but in an increasingly cashless society, he was frequently searching for quarters. He had three cats at one point, but Leo is the only surviving one left. On at least two occasions in the past year he fell in his apartment and couldn’t get back up.
Shortly after my mother died in June of 2020, a close friend told me my parents probably forgave me for never getting married and having children of my own; considering how I cared for them in their final years. Perhaps because I’ve often wondered how – being an only child – I would have handled their health problems if I’d had a spouse and kids. My paternal grandmother was fortunate; with seven adult children in her senior years, someone could always look out for her.
Thus, I have to think of what might happen to me if I get to be that age. My grandmother was 97 when she died, and both my parents lived into their 80s. Wes just turned 84.
I’m lucky if I hear from one of my first cousins and I only know a few of my neighbors. I’ve heard plenty of horror stories of elderly and/or disabled people dyeing alone in their homes and lay undiscovered for weeks or even months.
In early 1991 I recall reading one chilling report from a town in Massachusetts – police had discovered the remains of an elderly woman in her home. The most shocking fact of the case to me was that officials believe she died in July of 1989 because that’s when her banking transactions ceased. Another startling attribute was that she had two adult children. Her son admitted, however, that they’d been estranged from their mother for years. Neighbors also emphasized what a recluse the woman was. But, I asked myself, how could someone lie dead in their home for nearly two years before being found?
I’m a recluse; always have been and always will be an introvert. I used to loathe that, but now I cherish it. It’s just who I am. The aforementioned friend had also noted years earlier that he feared I was becoming a recluse because I rarely left the house. My mother was still alive at the time, and I feared leaving her alone because her mind was already sinking into dementia.
Whatever happens in the future, I’m glad I could get Wes to move in here. We get along great, and it’s actually nice having someone else in the house. It’s also nice having an animal in the house. I just have to keep Leo off my bed!
*Name changed
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