Tag Archives: babies

That Child

Everybody has that one (maybe two or more) quirky relative who defies explanation.  In my family’s case, that’s actually more of a rule.  But when my little sister, Mandy, would say she’d see people, we honestly didn’t know what to say.  No one likes to admit there’s mental illness in the family, right?  I mean…as a kid, everyone has imaginary friends.  But Mandy said she didn’t just have imaginary friends; she saw people.  It was cute – until she was a teenager.

Then it got scary.  ‘What’s wrong with Mandy?’ was a common question at family gatherings.  We couldn’t say; no one seemed to know…what was wrong with Mandy.

“We’re cursed,” Mandy told me; she was about twelve.  “Our family is cursed.”

“Yeah, we are,” I remember telling her that first time; thinking about the family events where someone got shit-faced drunk and started fighting.

“I’m serious!”

I tried to be understanding.  But when someone says your family is cursed – especially if it’s a relative who has a reputation for saying shit like that – how do you respond?

I’m the oldest of the brood, and Mandy is the youngest; four boys and two girls.  She was my baby; tiny even for my 12-year-old arms, when she was born.  I helped to raise her, along with my brothers.  Our parents were primary commanders, but I was second in charge.  My brothers were tough to raise – as you would expect with boys.  But Mandy turned out to be even more of a handful!

I don’t know what it was about her, but she could be so difficult.  My mother always said it was because we girls tend to cause drama.  Daddy would just sigh, as if saying, ‘Tell me about it,’ yet not wanting to be too honest.

I really can’t remember the first time Mandy said she saw someone who wasn’t there…in her bedroom.  She pointed to her dolls.  “Over there,” she told me.

But it was after our maternal grandmother, Martina, died.  “Mamatina” – the witch of West Texas.  Damn, that bitch was mean!  And nasty.  The droplets of blood from the garage into her kitchen said enough.

“You need to get out of here when you graduate,” my Aunt Nicoletta told me.  I was 18 and had just attended my senior prom with a boy who said he felt nauseous every time he stepped into our house.

“That part of the family is too strange,” Nicoletta muttered.  She was an in-law to my mother’s side.  “Everybody knows that.  They just won’t say it.”

I started saying it to myself before I graduated high school.  Only a few other people would say it out loud.

Especially after meeting Mandy.  “Our family is cursed!” she kept saying.  I don’t know how many times I heard that from her.

My father would just quietly bob his head up and down.  Marrying into my mother’s family was probably like an initiation into a biker gang.  He had to endure a lot of misery and, once in, couldn’t escape.  If anything, though, he injected a semblance of normalcy into the chaos.  I’m certain he was glad when Mamatina died.  Without making a sound, he let out a massive breath.  I could hear it through the moaning at Mamatina’s funeral.  Even the priest looked relieved.  In this instance, Mexican mysticism didn’t blend well with Roman Catholic purity.

What would Jesus do?!  Hell, what would Mother Mary do?!

I was certain Mamatina’s death would solve a lot of problems.  And it did – for the most part.  I had just earned my bachelor’s, and I noticed the air in the house had lightened.

Then, as I approached 30 and still not married, Mandy shocked me.  “I’m pregnant.”

This had to be a joke, I told myself.  But I uttered the eternal question: “What?”

“Yes.”

Raymond was a boy she knew from high school.  He wasn’t weird…just plain and ordinary.

“He’s the perfect one,” Mandy said, “the perfect father.”

I then said the next best thing, “Um…okay.”  I never knew what perfect was supposed to mean.

Raymond was present for the birth and even named the baby – Rose.  It seemed ideal – and appropriate: a sweet-smelling blossom with thorns and a blood red pallor.

Mandy’s fingers looked white the moment she gripped the rails of the crib.  Rose was about two months old.  “We’re cursed,” I heard her mumble.

I sighed – not too heavy – my head bobbing slightly.  “Okay.”

But it wasn’t…okay.

Mandy kept saying it – more than she ever had.  “We’re cursed.”  Our family was cursed.

Ordinary Raymond just ignored her, as he swaddled Rose in his skinny arms.  Rose never cried, just sort of grunted.  When she seemed distressed, Raymond was the only person who could calm her down.  He’d pull off his shirt and press her tiny head against his chest; the left side – where she could hear his heartbeat.

Then came that one Saturday afternoon.  I took some groceries over to the house for Mandy and Rose.  Raymond was at work, and no one else was there.

Mandy looked disheveled, but was notably calm.  I guess she’d been up all night.

That word – ‘cursed’ – kept running through my mind.

What does that mean?

“You know,” said Mandy.

Well…I did.  In some ways, I understood what she meant.

Cursed…that one word hung over me like a chronic itch in the middle of my back, while wearing a heavy winter coat and driving.

That baby…Rose.

Mandy’s child.

Daddy’s head bobbed up and down as he thumbed through the TV channels.

Finally…I looked at Mandy.  “What curse?”  After all these years, I had never thought to ask her.

Her eyes flinched.

Rose fell silent.

“You know,” Mandy whimpered.

The air grew heavy.  I mean…REALLY HEAVY.

Cursed.

Please!  I entered Rose’s room and approached the crib.  She looked…well, red.

Heavy air.

I turned back to the doorway and stepped into the hall.

Cursed?

What?!

Heavy air.

Really.

Heavy.

Air.

I turned around…looked at the crib.

Rose was quiet…still.

And – I saw someone.

Something sharp and cold plowed up into my spine.  That itch.

I felt dizzy.

There…standing beside the crib…someone.

Some…thing.

Cursed.

A curse.

Someone…some…thing…a curse.

Something.

Smiled…it smiled…grinned…at me.

Mine.

What?

Mine.

I looked at Rose.

Mine…she’s mine.

Her?

Rose remained still.

It grinned…the someone…something…standing beside the crib.

It grinned again.

Her…this child…mine.

“I told you,” Mandy said, standing at the doorway.

That…something…blood red skin.

Heavy air…really…heavy.

I could hear Raymond’s heart beating.

And Daddy nodded.

The something grinned…mine.  Its bony fingers gripped the crib railing.  Blood-red skin.  Mine.

Rose was completely motionless.

This child…the something said.  Mine.

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Creepy Easter Photos 2024

In case you hadn’t realized it, Dear Readers, Santa Claus and Halloween clowns aren’t the only holiday figures that can boast unnerving images.  Easter bunnies hold a considerable share of macabre visages.  After all, what mammal besides a platypus do you know lays eggs?  Of course, the platypus is trying to procreate.  The Easter bunny seems to have more nefarious intentions – they hide their eggs and convince innocent little kids to look for them.  Who does that?!

And, if you aren’t sufficiently alarmed by these photos, here’s Liam Neeson adding to the trauma:

Top image: Dave Whamond

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Roe Back

“Fight for the things you care about, but do it in a way that will lead others to join you.”

Ruth Bader Ginsburg

Abortion-rights and anti-abortion demonstrators gather outside of the Supreme Court in Washington, Friday, June 24, 2022. The Supreme Court has ended constitutional protections for abortion that had been in place nearly 50 years, a decision by its conservative majority to overturn the court’s landmark abortion cases. (AP Photo/Gemunu Amarasinghe)

It has been one dream of conservatives for decades: overturning Roe vs. Wade.  The landmark 1973 U.S. Supreme Court decision guaranteed women the right to abortion, in accordance with the 9th and 14th Amendments to the U.S. Constitution.  Now that goal has been achieved: earlier today, June 24, the Court has overturned Roe; thus gutting nearly a half century of reproductive freedom for women in the U.S.

It’s a stunning move and it’s left abortion supporters shell-shocked.  It doesn’t seem to matter that the majority of Americans support abortion to some extent.  Six justices on the Supreme Court have decided they don’t like the concept of abortion, so no woman should have access to it and no one should help a woman burdened with a crisis pregnancy.  It is the first time in U.S. history that a constitutional right has been granted and then rescinded.

Social and religious conservatives are ecstatic about this decision.  Although the Roe decision startled many people in 1973, the ruling didn’t really become an issue until the 1980s; when the evangelical Christian movement started to make its intrusive presence known.  They saw the election of Ronald Reagan as assurance that abortion would be outlawed in the U.S.

At least 26 states were ready to outlaw abortion under most circumstances, should Roe be overturned.  Now that it has, they are moving towards the annihilation.  Last year the legislature in my home state of Texas passed the so-called “Heartbeat Act”, which bans abortion after 6 weeks (before many women know they’re pregnant) and only allows it in cases where the mother’s life is endangered.  That means rape and incest victims will be forced to carry their pregnancies to term.  Any woman (or girl) who obtains an abortion and/or anyone who assists in that procedure could face up to $10,000 in statutory damages and face prison time.  Noticeably it doesn’t say anything about prosecuting men who rape women or girls.

The overturning of Roe perhaps will be one of Donald Trump’s greatest legacies, aside from his dismal handling of the COVID-19 pandemic and the violent insurrection at the U.S. Capitol on January 6, 2021.  But it won’t so much be his legacy as it will be that of right-wing extremists – the people who loudly proclaim to cherish personal liberty and freedom, but in practice, mean it only for themselves.  Everyone else’s personal liberty – that is, people who aren’t exactly like them – is somehow subjective.

Abortion opponents are now presenting – as they always have – what they consider viable solutions to the dilemma of unplanned and unwanted pregnancies; quick fixes that are ridiculously quaint and utopian.  They recommend creating a society where every child comes into the world loved and respected; that women always have a safe and effective way to carry out their undesired pregnancies.  It’s tantamount to beauty pageant contestants expressing their wish for the blind to see and the lame to walk.  It’s wonderfully idealistic, yet extraordinarily delusional.  Such answers to some of life’s most complex issues are typical of the conservative mindset: simple and unencumbered.  That’s why I always say my brain is too big to be conservative.

In the 49 years since Roe was passed, it’s estimated that some 60 million abortions have taken place in the United States.  Abortion adversaries groan that it means some 60 million children never got a chance to grow up and have fulfilling lives.  But millions of children have come into the world under the best of circumstances and have never lived fulfilling lives.  The future is always uncertain, and occasionally things go awry in families.

It’s also possible that those estimated 60 million children could have been subjected to abuse and neglect.  Children who come into the world unwanted often end up being unloved.  I have to wonder if abortion opponents are going to dish out any additional cash to help support all those children.  It’s easy for them to lounge in their ivory towers – the way religious leaders often do – and bestow well wishes upon troubled souls.  Good intentions don’t pay diaper and formula bills; they don’t provide housing and education; they don’t deal with the daily angst of raising children.  They’re glossy words that lack substance, unless solid and concrete action is taken to make those lives better.

Liberals and moderates are already concerned that other Supreme Court decisions are at risk, such as Griswold and Lawrence.  Even Brown and Loving may come under similar attack.  As part of his decision to overturn Roe, Associate Justice Clarence Thomas wrote, “In future cases, we should reconsider all of this Court’s substantive due process precedents, including Griswold, Lawrence, and Obergefell,” referring to decisions on contraception, sodomy and same-sex marriage respectively.

Remember, the original Roe decision developed under the auspices of the right to privacy and equal protection under the law.  Those are essential and undeniable features of a truly democratic society.  Stripping any particular group of basic human rights isn’t a sign of a moral culture, as many social conservatives would have us believe.  It’s more emblematic of a totalitarian world; a universe where a handful of people have blessed themselves with the power to decide what is and what is not appropriate for everyone else.

If abortion opponents think this Dobbs decision will end abortion in the United States once and forever, they are mistaken.  After the initial shock has worn off (which is already happening), people will begin to fight back and find ways around it.  Whether right-wing extremists like it or not, abortion will happen.  There will always be women who find themselves in very difficult situations and feel they must end a pregnancy.  It’s been happening for centuries and it will continue happening, even though a band of self-righteous elitists demand otherwise.

Just wait for it.  They’ve awoken a giant.

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Best Quotes of the Week – June 11, 2022

“Tonight, I say this to my Republican colleagues who are defending the indefensible: There will come a day when Donald Trump is gone, but your dishonor will remain.”

Rep. Liz Cheney, in her opening remarks to the January 6 Committee

“Gun violence is an epidemic that is tearing our country apart. Thoughts and prayers won’t fix this, but taking strong action will.”

New York Gov. Kathy Hochul, after signing legislation to strengthen gun laws in the state of New York

“There is not a Democratic or Republican value in one single act of these shooters.  But people in power have failed to act. So we’re asking you and I’m asking you … can both sides rise above? Can both sides see beyond the political problem at hand and admit that we have a life-preservation problem on our hands? We got a chance right now to reach for and to grasp a higher ground above our political affiliations.”

Matt McConaughey, actor and native of Uvalde, Texas, in a speech at the White House Press Room

“Because of the part she played in Roe, everybody wanted a piece of her, they didn’t really want her to say what she wanted to, but they wanted something from her.”

Melissa Mills, daughter of Norma McCorvey, the Jane Roe in the landmark Roe vs. Wade abortion case

Mills is the only one of McCorvey’s three daughters who had a relationship with her biological mother.

“Despite their alleged fealty to the Constitution, the founding document that lethalists enshrine and claim to be “original,” they rejoice in the shredding of longstanding precedents in order to enforce their parochial views. Decades of thoughtful, settled Second Amendment rulings have crumbled like eighteenth-century parchment, transforming an obligation to the community into the sanctification of each individual’s right to brandish automatic weapons and flaunt their capacity to kill. Rather than act to ban or seize the assault rifles that can kill schoolchildren and innocent Americans trying to intervene, the lethalists post photos of themselves, their spouses, and their own indoctrinated offspring bearing the same kind of weapon – trigger fingers impatiently on pause, more a warning than a precaution – until they, too, will have to fight off the battalions of replacement Americans who will violate their suburban lawns.”

John Willingham, in an editorial for the San Antonio Review

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Best Quotes of the Week – May 21, 2022

People gather outside a grocery store in Buffalo, NY where an 18-year-old gunman shot and killed 10 people on May 14, 2022.

“I would like to see sensible gun control.  I would like to see ending hate speech on the internet, on social media.  It is not free speech. It is not the American way.”

Byron Brown, Mayor of Buffalo, New York, after a mass shooting at a local grocery store on May 14

Brown also declared, “We are not a nation of haters. We are not a nation of hate. We need to send the message that there is no place on the internet for hate speech, for hate indoctrination, for spreading hate manifestos.  I will be a stronger voice for that.  I believe that what happened in Buffalo, New York, yesterday is going to be a turning point.  I think it’s going to be different after this, in terms of the energy and the activity that we see.”

“Parents and caretakers across the country cannot wait.  They need our support now.  This bill takes important steps to restore supply in a safe and secure manner. Additionally, with these funds, FDA will be able to help prevent this issue from occurring again.”

Rep. Rosa DeLauro, after passage of a bill in the U.S. Congress that would help to alleviate the current baby formula crisis

One of the bills provides $28 million in emergency funding to the U.S. Food and Drug Administration to address the shortage. The money would also be used to increase staff at the FDA, such as inspectors who could help the agency accelerate the approval process for formula manufacturers.

It has to be noted that an overwhelming majority of House Republicans voted against the bill, even though a majority have been complaining about the ongoing baby formula shortage.

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Father’s Day 2021

The Gift

By Li-Young Lee

To pull the metal splinter from my palm

my father recited a story in a low voice.

I watched his lovely face and not the blade.

Before the story ended, he’d removed

the iron sliver I thought I’d die from.

I can’t remember the tale,

but hear his voice still, a well

of dark water, a prayer.

And I recall his hands,

two measures of tenderness

he laid against my face,

the flames of discipline

he raised above my head.

Had you entered that afternoon

you would have thought you saw a man

planting something in a boy’s palm,

a silver tear, a tiny flame.

Had you followed that boy

you would have arrived here,

where I bend over my wife’s right hand.

Look how I shave her thumbnail down

so carefully she feels no pain.

Watch as I lift the splinter out.

I was seven when my father

took my hand like this,

and I did not hold that shard

between my fingers and think,

Metal that will bury me,

christen it Little Assassin,

Ore Going Deep for My Heart.

And I did not lift up my wound and cry,

Death visited here!

I did what a child does

when he’s given something to keep.

I kissed my father.

Li-Young Lee, “The Gift” from Rose. Copyright ©1986 by Li-Young Lee

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